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Dr. Bonnie
Dr. Bonnie, Psychologist
Category: Relationship
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Experience:  Experienced in counseling all age persons on relationship issues.
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I think its not just me. I am a 32 yr old male and I get conscious

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I think its not just me. I am a 32 yr old male and I get conscious when meeting new females at work who are good looking. That affects my professional life. I got married a year ago and thought it will change after marriage but there hasn't been any improvement. Any suggestions.
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Josie-Mod replied 1 year ago.

Hi, I'm a Moderator for this topic. I've been working hard to find a Expert to assist you right away, but sometimes finding the right Expert can take a little longer than expected. I wonder whether you're ok with continuing to wait for an answer. If you are, please let me know and I will continue my search. If not, feel free to let me know and I will cancel this question for you. Thank you!

Customer: replied 1 year ago.
I am okay to wait longer.
Expert:  Josie-Mod replied 1 year ago.

Thank you for your continued patience. We will continue the search for a Expert for you.

Expert:  Dr. Bonnie replied 1 year ago.

Hello and thank you for using our service, I will try to help but have a question. How is your self-consciousness interfering with Expert life? Are you avoiding these interactions or do you freeze and can't talk?

Customer: replied 1 year ago.
I tend to avoid, and actually do not behave normally, may be like not open or willing to connect.. I am not able to describe that very well as its happening at unconscious level. But now I do have some realization about it.
Expert:  Dr. Bonnie replied 1 year ago.
Hi again,
Well, it is good that you have developed this insight. Now what is needed is some cognitive behavioral therapy. I can give you some ideas about doing this on your own but if it does not work you may need to seek out individual psychotherapy. Here is a place to find a therapist.
http://therapists.psychologytoday.com/rms/prof_search.php
In the meantime, you need to examine your thoughts and find your automatic thinking: for instance, it might be, I am not attractive; I cannot tolerate the attraction I have for her; I am inferior; It could be one of these or something else.
Then, you need to find the counter-thought such as I am a good and worthwhile person. I have something important to say. It is normal to have attraction to other females (as long as I don't act on it).....something like that. These are called affirmations and you say them to yourself often.
There is a book which can help in lieu of therapy:
Ten Days to Self Esteem, David Burns
I hope that this short introduction to Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) works for you.
Warm regards
Dr. Bonnie, Psychologist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 2185
Experience: Experienced in counseling all age persons on relationship issues.
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Experienced in counseling all age persons on relationship issues.