How JustAnswer Works:

  • Ask an Expert
    Experts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional Answer
    Via email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site.
    Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction Guarantee
    Rate the answer you receive.

Ask Doctor E Your Own Question

Doctor E
Doctor E, Social Worker
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 50
Experience:  I am a Ph.D-level therapist and college professor with a specialty in couples counseling.
Type Your Relationship Question Here...
Doctor E is online now
A new question is answered every 9 seconds

Im a gay male escort looking for a stable relationship with

Resolved Question:

I'm a gay male escort looking for a stable relationship with one guy. Short of stopping my line of work, "escorting" what suggestions do you have? The biggest issue I have is once a guy finds out I escort they aren't as interested any more to say the least.
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Dear Debra replied 1 year ago.

Deardebra : The first thing I want you to do is get to know a guy before you tell him what you do for a living.
Deardebra : Let him get to know you and your personality.
Deardebra : Then once the person see who you are they will not care what you do because they would already know they want to be with you.Do
Deardebra : If you start off with what you do for a living then I feel the guy doesn't think you are looking for a serious relationship.
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
I wait at least a month if not more before I tell someone what I do, but the "holdup" most guys have is that I have sex with many of my customers and I think most guys I meet want "exclusivity". I do tell them they are "exclusive" for a relationship but it's still hard for them to accept.
Expert:  Doctor E replied 1 year ago.
Hi there. I can certainly see the difficulty you face. There is a challenge in separating your professional vocation from what you want out of a partner. I would like to ask you a few questions for clarification: where are you meeting the majority of men you're dating? I would imagine that it is usually a challenge to bring up what you do for a living right off the bat. What kind of men are you looking for? Would you be comfortable dating another escort, for example, or would you prefer a partner with a different kind of job? I'm sure you can appreciate the challenges a new boyfriend might face as your profession is a unique one--if a new mate is looking for exclusivity, it may be challenging for them to be able to separate the emotional piece from the sexual one. I look forward to your response--let's discuss this further.
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
I meet most of my customers online through ads I have posted. They contact me to schedule time, most are older than me looking for a quick meetup to say the least. I'd prefer a partner with a different kind of job personally so that makes it harder.
Expert:  Doctor E replied 1 year ago.
That does sound challenging. This may seem like an obvious question, but have you tried online dating sites? One useful tool is that you can express yourself in writing to a potential partner before meeting them. Sometimes, verbal and in-person communication can get in the way. If you have the opportunity to "test the waters" by starting a relationship of correspondence first, it might be an easier way in. Would you mind if I asked if you would be interested in switching jobs if it meant finding a long-lasting relationship? Your job may bring you financial stability, and some people prize that more over emotional needs being fulfilled. However, do you think there might come a time that you might weigh which you want more in your life, and which will lead you to more satisfaction?

I hope this is helpful so far. Let me know your thoughts. It certainly is a challenging situation for you.
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Online dating sites are actually my primary way of meeting potential partners. I am eventually going to switch to another career but right now I'm in school, 18, doing this to make money while also working as an erotic dancer at a club on weekends.
Expert:  Doctor E replied 1 year ago.
It sounds like you're very busy--you've got a lot going on. So you're meeting potential partners online---how does your communication usually go with them? You said you wait about a month before telling them about what you do. Could you look for guys with similar interests that might be more "open" to your career choice for right now? I also agree with what the previous expert said, that the sooner someone gets to know you and you connect about a few things, they might be less judgmental of your job,

Another possibility is finding someone through school---is there anyone in your classes that you've developed a friendship with that you would like to get to know better? Does your school have an organization for gay students to socialize?
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Yes the school does have a group for gay students to socialize and I've met some students there. Communication with potential online partners goes well until I tell them what my job is but that is typically after I meet them more than a month into talking and knowing them.

A few guys from school organization have shown up where I dance and have seen me on stage in nothing but my socks but don't know I escort. I haven't talked to them either.
Expert:  Doctor E replied 1 year ago.
It sounds like you're making good efforts right now in every area. Maybe it's worth you talking to some of the guys that have seen you in both environments--at school and in the club (that is, if you're attracted to any of them!). If they're cool with you dancing, you might be able to form a closer friendship that could lead to something more.

Your situation is tricky because your job isn't considered "the norm" and a lot of people have strong views about it. As long as you're escorting, it may be harder for you to find someone open and accepting of you and the choices you've made. It might take you a little more time than it would someone else.
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
I probably will see at least one of them at the club tonight, maybe when I get break I'll talk to him. I know he is older than me because customers have to be 21 or older but it could be a start.

Expert:  Doctor E replied 1 year ago.
That actually sounds like a good plan. I know it's hard to get your hopes up, but he could be a good possibility for you! A guy who is a little older and has more experience may be more open to your lifestyle. Good luck and keep me posted on what happens.
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
I'll let you know tomorrow what happens.
Expert:  Doctor E replied 1 year ago.
That sounds good. I hope this was helpful!
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
So I saw one of the guys there and on my break from stage went up to talk to him. He almost immediately purchased a private dance from me which was good because it extended the time we could talk, though somewhat awkward as I was only wearing a pair of socks the entire time during the dance. Either way he isn't interested in me but I explained my situation and he said he'd introduce me to others he knows in similar situations who I may be interested in so it worked somewhat.

I also found out another dancer I work with is interested in me so will see what happens there.

Any other suggestions.
Expert:  Doctor E replied 1 year ago.
Hey! That definitely sounds like progress. I think it's great that you spoke to one of the guys and explained the situation. I knew that if you communicated openly about the situation then you would have a good chance of meeting others in a similar situation, or getting put in touch with them. I hope things also work out with the other dancer.

No more suggestions from me for now, but if you ever have any more questions, please sign on here and look for me. I'll be happy to help you out. If you were pleased with the service, go ahead and give me a positive rating.

Good luck to you!
Doctor E, Social Worker
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 50
Experience: I am a Ph.D-level therapist and college professor with a specialty in couples counseling.
Doctor E and 2 other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Thanks again. I will let you know how things go with this other dancer.
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
So just a follow up, I've been talking to this other dancer that is interested in me and things have been going well. He is also an escort so we both understand each other that we are both doing this work to help pay for schooling.

Now here is the new issue, I told my mother that I met someone while working. Until this weekend she thought I was just a drink server at a restaurant/bar. I didn't expect her to take the hour drive and show up where I work. Anyway she now knows that I dance nude, the problem is getting her to accept that I am doing this to make money. She is also concerned about my safety too.

Any suggestions.
Expert:  Doctor E replied 1 year ago.
THIS ANSWER IS LOCKED!
You can view this answer by clicking here to Register or Login and paying $3.
If you've already paid for this answer, simply Login.

Customer: replied 1 year ago.
I responded and there is a question waiting that I'd like you to answer. Someone else answered but I'd rather hear what you have to say since you already know the background.
Expert:  Doctor E replied 1 year ago.
THIS ANSWER IS LOCKED!
You can view this answer by clicking here to Register or Login and paying $3.
If you've already paid for this answer, simply Login.

JustAnswer in the News:

 
 
 
Ask-a-doc Web sites: If you've got a quick question, you can try to get an answer from sites that say they have various specialists on hand to give quick answers... Justanswer.com.
JustAnswer.com...has seen a spike since October in legal questions from readers about layoffs, unemployment and severance.
Web sites like justanswer.com/legal
...leave nothing to chance.
Traffic on JustAnswer rose 14 percent...and had nearly 400,000 page views in 30 days...inquiries related to stress, high blood pressure, drinking and heart pain jumped 33 percent.
Tory Johnson, GMA Workplace Contributor, discusses work-from-home jobs, such as JustAnswer in which verified Experts answer people’s questions.
I will tell you that...the things you have to go through to be an Expert are quite rigorous.
 
 
 

What Customers are Saying:

 
 
 
  • Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help. Mary C. Freshfield, Liverpool, UK
< Last | Next >
  • Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help. Mary C. Freshfield, Liverpool, UK
  • This expert is wonderful. They truly know what they are talking about, and they actually care about you. They really helped put my nerves at ease. Thank you so much!!!! Alex Los Angeles, CA
  • Thank you for all your help. It is nice to know that this service is here for people like myself, who need answers fast and are not sure who to consult. GP Hesperia, CA
  • I couldn't be more satisfied! This is the site I will always come to when I need a second opinion. Justin Kernersville, NC
  • Just let me say that this encounter has been entirely professional and most helpful. I liked that I could ask additional questions and get answered in a very short turn around. Esther Woodstock, NY
  • Thank you so much for taking your time and knowledge to support my concerns. Not only did you answer my questions, you even took it a step further with replying with more pertinent information I needed to know. Robin Elkton, Maryland
  • He answered my question promptly and gave me accurate, detailed information. If all of your experts are half as good, you have a great thing going here. Diane Dallas, TX
 
 
 

Meet The Experts:

 
 
 
  • Dear Debra

    Advice Columnist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1719
    I have been an Advice columnist for 14 years. My column is published weekly in local newpapers.
< Last | Next >
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/DE/deedeeham/2011-1-24_51523_408.64x64.JPG Dear Debra's Avatar

    Dear Debra

    Advice Columnist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1719
    I have been an Advice columnist for 14 years. My column is published weekly in local newpapers.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/formybunch/2010-12-06_191055_img_0975.jpg Kate McCoy's Avatar

    Kate McCoy

    Counselor

    Satisfied Customers:

    1235
    Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/RE/resolutions66/2011-1-17_05728_IMG8202smilingeditedforJustAnswer.64x64.jpg Elliott, LPCC, NCC's Avatar

    Elliott, LPCC, NCC

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1215
    35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/CO/CoachJenK/2012-3-9_31019_Jen.64x64.jpg Coach Jen K.'s Avatar

    Coach Jen K.

    LMSW, CPC

    Satisfied Customers:

    726
    Providing the utmost care and support.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/IN/intrapsyc.com/2012-2-20_161928_RGMTPicturex5002012.64x64.png Rafael M.T.Therapist's Avatar

    Rafael M.T.Therapist

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    549
    MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/HU/hungryjack20/IMG_1281_edit_2.64x64.jpg Dr. L's Avatar

    Dr. L

    Psychologist

    Satisfied Customers:

    349
    Licensed as a Psychologist and Marriage & Family Therapist.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/SU/suzmsw/2011-9-2_184634_Thisone.64x64.JPG Suzanne's Avatar

    Suzanne

    Therapist, LCSW

    Satisfied Customers:

    338
    Experienced in treating trauma, relationship issues, co-dependency