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Doctor E
Doctor E , Social Worker
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 51
Experience:  I am a Ph.D-level therapist and college professor with a specialty in couples counseling.
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Im a gay male escort looking for a stable relationship with

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I'm a gay male escort looking for a stable relationship with one guy. Short of stopping my line of work, "escorting" what suggestions do you have? The biggest issue I have is once a guy finds out I escort they aren't as interested any more to say the least.
Submitted: 3 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Dear Debra replied 3 years ago.

Deardebra : The first thing I want you to do is get to know a guy before you tell him what you do for a living.
Deardebra : Let him get to know you and your personality.
Deardebra : Then once the person see who you are they will not care what you do because they would already know they want to be with you.Do
Deardebra : If you start off with what you do for a living then I feel the guy doesn't think you are looking for a serious relationship.
Customer: replied 3 years ago.
I wait at least a month if not more before I tell someone what I do, but the "holdup" most guys have is that I have sex with many of my customers and I think most guys I meet want "exclusivity". I do tell them they are "exclusive" for a relationship but it's still hard for them to accept.
Expert:  Doctor E replied 3 years ago.
Hi there. I can certainly see the difficulty you face. There is a challenge in separating your professional vocation from what you want out of a partner. I would like to ask you a few questions for clarification: where are you meeting the majority of men you're dating? I would imagine that it is usually a challenge to bring up what you do for a living right off the bat. What kind of men are you looking for? Would you be comfortable dating another escort, for example, or would you prefer a partner with a different kind of job? I'm sure you can appreciate the challenges a new boyfriend might face as your profession is a unique one--if a new mate is looking for exclusivity, it may be challenging for them to be able to separate the emotional piece from the sexual one. I look forward to your response--let's discuss this further.
Customer: replied 3 years ago.
I meet most of my customers online through ads I have posted. They contact me to schedule time, most are older than me looking for a quick meetup to say the least. I'd prefer a partner with a different kind of job personally so that makes it harder.
Expert:  Doctor E replied 3 years ago.
That does sound challenging. This may seem like an obvious question, but have you tried online dating sites? One useful tool is that you can express yourself in writing to a potential partner before meeting them. Sometimes, verbal and in-person communication can get in the way. If you have the opportunity to "test the waters" by starting a relationship of correspondence first, it might be an easier way in. Would you mind if I asked if you would be interested in switching jobs if it meant finding a long-lasting relationship? Your job may bring you financial stability, and some people prize that more over emotional needs being fulfilled. However, do you think there might come a time that you might weigh which you want more in your life, and which will lead you to more satisfaction?

I hope this is helpful so far. Let me know your thoughts. It certainly is a challenging situation for you.
Customer: replied 3 years ago.
Online dating sites are actually my primary way of meeting potential partners. I am eventually going to switch to another career but right now I'm in school, 18, doing this to make money while also working as an erotic dancer at a club on weekends.
Expert:  Doctor E replied 3 years ago.
It sounds like you're very busy--you've got a lot going on. So you're meeting potential partners online---how does your communication usually go with them? You said you wait about a month before telling them about what you do. Could you look for guys with similar interests that might be more "open" to your career choice for right now? I also agree with what the previous expert said, that the sooner someone gets to know you and you connect about a few things, they might be less judgmental of your job,

Another possibility is finding someone through school---is there anyone in your classes that you've developed a friendship with that you would like to get to know better? Does your school have an organization for gay students to socialize?
Customer: replied 3 years ago.
Yes the school does have a group for gay students to socialize and I've met some students there. Communication with potential online partners goes well until I tell them what my job is but that is typically after I meet them more than a month into talking and knowing them.

A few guys from school organization have shown up where I dance and have seen me on stage in nothing but my socks but don't know I escort. I haven't talked to them either.
Expert:  Doctor E replied 3 years ago.
It sounds like you're making good efforts right now in every area. Maybe it's worth you talking to some of the guys that have seen you in both environments--at school and in the club (that is, if you're attracted to any of them!). If they're cool with you dancing, you might be able to form a closer friendship that could lead to something more.

Your situation is tricky because your job isn't considered "the norm" and a lot of people have strong views about it. As long as you're escorting, it may be harder for you to find someone open and accepting of you and the choices you've made. It might take you a little more time than it would someone else.
Customer: replied 3 years ago.
I probably will see at least one of them at the club tonight, maybe when I get break I'll talk to him. I know he is older than me because customers have to be 21 or older but it could be a start.

Expert:  Doctor E replied 3 years ago.
That actually sounds like a good plan. I know it's hard to get your hopes up, but he could be a good possibility for you! A guy who is a little older and has more experience may be more open to your lifestyle. Good luck and keep me posted on what happens.
Customer: replied 3 years ago.
I'll let you know tomorrow what happens.
Expert:  Doctor E replied 3 years ago.
That sounds good. I hope this was helpful!
Customer: replied 3 years ago.
So I saw one of the guys there and on my break from stage went up to talk to him. He almost immediately purchased a private dance from me which was good because it extended the time we could talk, though somewhat awkward as I was only wearing a pair of socks the entire time during the dance. Either way he isn't interested in me but I explained my situation and he said he'd introduce me to others he knows in similar situations who I may be interested in so it worked somewhat.

I also found out another dancer I work with is interested in me so will see what happens there.

Any other suggestions.
Expert:  Doctor E replied 3 years ago.
Hey! That definitely sounds like progress. I think it's great that you spoke to one of the guys and explained the situation. I knew that if you communicated openly about the situation then you would have a good chance of meeting others in a similar situation, or getting put in touch with them. I hope things also work out with the other dancer.

No more suggestions from me for now, but if you ever have any more questions, please sign on here and look for me. I'll be happy to help you out. If you were pleased with the service, go ahead and give me a positive rating.

Good luck to you!
Doctor E, Social Worker
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 51
Experience: I am a Ph.D-level therapist and college professor with a specialty in couples counseling.
Doctor E and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 3 years ago.
Thanks again. I will let you know how things go with this other dancer.
Customer: replied 3 years ago.
So just a follow up, I've been talking to this other dancer that is interested in me and things have been going well. He is also an escort so we both understand each other that we are both doing this work to help pay for schooling.

Now here is the new issue, I told my mother that I met someone while working. Until this weekend she thought I was just a drink server at a restaurant/bar. I didn't expect her to take the hour drive and show up where I work. Anyway she now knows that I dance nude, the problem is getting her to accept that I am doing this to make money. She is also concerned about my safety too.

Any suggestions.
Expert:  Doctor E replied 3 years ago.
Hi there! I had "closed" this question and it seems re-opened. In order for me to answer it, can you start it as a NEW question with a new payment? (I closed this since I received your feedback and payment for the last question). Go ahead and list the question again with the headline "To Dr. E" and I'll respond to it there. I'm happy to hear from you and thank you for the update! Looking forward to helping you out.
Customer: replied 3 years ago.
I responded and there is a question waiting that I'd like you to answer. Someone else answered but I'd rather hear what you have to say since you already know the background.
Expert:  Doctor E replied 3 years ago.
Thank you for letting me know! I've just posted some clarifying questions to help me answer you.

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