How JustAnswer Works:

  • Ask an Expert
    Experts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional Answer
    Via email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site.
    Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction Guarantee
    Rate the answer you receive.

Ask Dr. Paige Your Own Question

Dr. Paige
Dr. Paige, Psychologist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1427
Experience:  Ph.D. Licensed Psychologist
Type Your Relationship Question Here...
Dr. Paige is online now
A new question is answered every 9 seconds

My husband and I are in our mid-50s, 2nd marriage for both

This answer was rated:

My husband and I are in our mid-50's, 2nd marriage for both of us. We have been married 13 yrs. Everything is great...except my 1st husband was an alcoholic and I lose it every single time my husband has more than 3 drinks. I told him when we were dating I couldn't be with a "drinker". He agreed to my internal limit back then. Now he says he is not an alcoholic and we are almost divorced cause he drinks with friends, he drinks when kids come over, he drinks when we are on vacation....he drinks more than his 3 drinks and says Im the problem. Well, I sorta agree, I have an issue. What should I do? It is always a HUGE blow-up when I see him take his 4th drink or when he starts to act drunk.
Hello. This is a common issue with men and women overall. YOu have to think about this and decide what is ok and not ok with you. Now that you have been married, you know him a lot better, is it possible for you to bend on your 3 drink rule you had when you were dating? You have to decide how important is this to you and if you are willing to lose him over it if he refuses to compromise with you. Try and look at the big picture. Does his drinking effect anything in your life other than your problem with it? If he works, does it effect his job? Is he a danger when he drives? Does his behavior change to the point where it is dangerous or embarrassing? If you say you are almost to the point of divorce because of this and you are unable to come to a compromise with him, I would look into the couples counseling available in your area and see if he is willing to at least talk to a third party about this to determine if it is a problem which can be worked out. Ask him if HE is willing to lose you over this. Remember that you cannot make him change his behavior, only he can decide if he wants to or not. If he does not and doesn't want to listen to you about it, then you need to make a decision on whether to continue in this relationship or not. Maybe if you write him a letter expressing your feelings and let him read it when he is sober, it will help convey how serious you are about the situation. He will have a harder time arguing back with you if you leave it for him to read it through. Sometimes it helps get your feelings out this way and for him to see your point without the verbal arguments.
Customer: replied 3 years ago.

He is willing to end our relationship over this. His drinking does not affect his job, does not do anything illigal, I dont stay around to see how his behavrior changes. Counseling is out. What can I do when he drinks? Leave? Not be there in the first place? Shut up and stew? I dont know how to handle myself when he drinks to much (he works in a "dry" camp for up to 3 weeks at a time, he is not addicted, it is just social drinking, but I hate it!! I dont care about other people, just my husband) Actually, maybe I need counselling?

That may be an option for you. I would be concerned that if he was given the choice of you or his drinking, he would choose drinking. That isn't a good sign. If he can't acknowledge his wife's feelings over the matter and at least talk with you to come to some sort of compromise, then there are other problems in the relationship other than the drinking.
As far as what to do when he drinks, what do you feel like you should do? I wouldn't recommend just letting it build up in you. What do you think you should do to handle it? The answer is different for everyone. If you leave, you need to find something to make you happy. Being with your husband should make you happy and this situation is not something which will just go away. You have to ask yourself what will your life be like having to live with this and for how long? There should be some sort of compromise where you both can come to a conclusion together and it should not be you vs him. Getting to that point and communicating effectively is how you get to that point. The problem lies within getting him to meet you half way. I think there are more issues here than just the drinking and this is how it is manifesting itself. I would look into some face to face counseling options in your area where you can get a fresh perspective to get to the bottom of the actual problem.
Dr. Paige, Psychologist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1427
Experience: Ph.D. Licensed Psychologist
Dr. Paige and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you

JustAnswer in the News:

Ask-a-doc Web sites: If you've got a quick question, you can try to get an answer from sites that say they have various specialists on hand to give quick answers... seen a spike since October in legal questions from readers about layoffs, unemployment and severance.
Web sites like
...leave nothing to chance.
Traffic on JustAnswer rose 14 percent...and had nearly 400,000 page views in 30 days...inquiries related to stress, high blood pressure, drinking and heart pain jumped 33 percent.
Tory Johnson, GMA Workplace Contributor, discusses work-from-home jobs, such as JustAnswer in which verified Experts answer people’s questions.
I will tell you that...the things you have to go through to be an Expert are quite rigorous.

What Customers are Saying:

  • Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help. Mary C. Freshfield, Liverpool, UK
< Previous | Next >
  • Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help. Mary C. Freshfield, Liverpool, UK
  • This expert is wonderful. They truly know what they are talking about, and they actually care about you. They really helped put my nerves at ease. Thank you so much!!!! Alex Los Angeles, CA
  • Thank you for all your help. It is nice to know that this service is here for people like myself, who need answers fast and are not sure who to consult. GP Hesperia, CA
  • I couldn't be more satisfied! This is the site I will always come to when I need a second opinion. Justin Kernersville, NC
  • Just let me say that this encounter has been entirely professional and most helpful. I liked that I could ask additional questions and get answered in a very short turn around. Esther Woodstock, NY
  • Thank you so much for taking your time and knowledge to support my concerns. Not only did you answer my questions, you even took it a step further with replying with more pertinent information I needed to know. Robin Elkton, Maryland
  • He answered my question promptly and gave me accurate, detailed information. If all of your experts are half as good, you have a great thing going here. Diane Dallas, TX

Meet The Experts:

  • Kate McCoy

    Kate McCoy


    Satisfied Customers:

    Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues
< Last | Next >
  • Kate McCoy's Avatar

    Kate McCoy


    Satisfied Customers:

    Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues
  • Rafael M.T.Therapist's Avatar

    Rafael M.T.Therapist


    Satisfied Customers:

    MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach
  • Ms Chase's Avatar

    Ms Chase

    Life Coach

    Satisfied Customers:

    Over 20 yrs experience with Relationships, Sexuality, Friendship, and Family Issues
  • Alicia_MSW's Avatar



    Satisfied Customers:

    Specializing in relationship/family counseling
  • Dr. Norman Brown's Avatar

    Dr. Norman Brown

    Marriage Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    Family Therapist & teacher 35+ yrs; PhD research in couples
  • Dr. L's Avatar

    Dr. L


    Satisfied Customers:

    Licensed as a Psychologist and Marriage & Family Therapist.
  • Suzanne's Avatar


    Therapist, LCSW

    Satisfied Customers:

    Experienced in treating trauma, relationship issues, co-dependency

Related Relationship Questions