How JustAnswer Works:

  • Ask an Expert
    Experts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional Answer
    Via email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site.
    Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction Guarantee
    Rate the answer you receive.

Ask Dear Debra Your Own Question

Dear Debra
Dear Debra, Advice Columnist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1844
Experience:  I have been an Advice columnist for 14 years. My column is published weekly in local newpapers.
57081136
Type Your Relationship Question Here...
Dear Debra is online now
A new question is answered every 9 seconds

What does it mean when your ex increasingly gets more and more

Customer Question

What does it mean when your ex increasingly gets more and more nasty and mean And constantly brings up sexual issues?
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Dear Debra replied 2 years ago.

Deardebra : She sounds fustrated.
Deardebra : she needs to talk about what is going on and express hef wants and needs in the relationship.
Deardebra : I want you both to sit down and talk.
Deardebra : What is happening is she wants to express herself but instead of her communicating she is getting upset and angry.
Deardebra : She needs to come right out and tell you what is wrong. If she is always bringing up sexual issues then that is where the problem seems to be.
Deardebra : You want to listen real vlisr to what she is saying and see if you both can fix the problrms she is having.
Deardebra : It is very importabt in a relatiobdhip to express and comunicate.
Deardebra : *relationship
JACUSTOMER-lqwzuc94- : Ok,but its been over 3yrs she divorced me & it was final in less than 6wks. The only things she says are halftruths about our sex life. She is with my ex employer witch is the reason I quit my job & started my own company. 2months later I found myself divorce
Deardebra : She seems to be havibg unresolved issues.
Deardebra : There are still thjngs that she needs to talk about.
Deardebra :

It sounds too me like she carries around all these unresolved issues. She keeps bringing up the past because it is something that is still bothering her to this day.

JACUSTOMER-lqwzuc94- : She definately has unresolved issues but the things she brings up aren't reality the are exagerations or things we discussed or things sai during passion. She has told my family. Destroyed my relationships with 4 stepsons that I raised with herb& now she seams to be working on the one with my only son we had together
Deardebra :

That is not right to bring the kids into things because you helped raise them and you both also have a son together.

Deardebra :

The problems that you both had should be discussed together and none of the children should be brought into the relationship.

JACUSTOMER-lqwzuc94- : The things she brings up aren't completely trhe & are out of context. I don't see how a person could have such issues about hier sexlife when 6-8 wks at a time was how infrequnt it was. I was hoping you would say she feels guilty about an affaif with m boss. That I would be a le to undestand
Deardebra :

Yes, very true in what you are saying. She is trying to make excuses why she had an affair basically blaming your sex life. But sex is not everything that makes up a relationship and cheating is never right no matter what issues you have in a relationship.

Deardebra :

What she did was wrong and you do not cheat, you stay in the relationship and work things out. She is trying to justify her actions on what she did but you can't. What she did was wrong.

Deardebra :

You need to clearly tell her that this marriage is over and the past is the past. You need to tell her what she did was wrong and the children should not be involved in this.

Deardebra :

You need to to tell her that we still have a child together and that will never change. Explain that you are going to raise your child and move on from this relationship.

Deardebra :

Explain that you are divorced now and the problems that we had when we were married are over and you are no longer discussing them. Tell her you moved on you are with someone else. I am no longer in your life only for our child.

Deardebra :

You do not deserve to have the past be brought up all the time when this relationship is over. Explain that she should have told you all these things before she did what she did. Tell her their is no excuse for her actions no matter how she tries to justify them. Tell her you are trying to move on.

Deardebra :

You need to tell her how you feel.

Deardebra :

She has told you about everything wrong when it comes to the relationship and the sexual issues. Tell her how you feel about what she has done.

Deardebra :

Right now she has taken over the past relationship by blaming you in some way for her actions. But what she did there is no excuse for. She was married, she cheated, she is wrong. A marriage is about two people working together. When you . have issues you discuss them, you do not cheat, get divorced and see someone else. then blame you for her cheating because there were sexual problems. These needed to be discussed then, not when the relationship is over. You need to clearly state that this relationship is over, we are no longer intimate, so you need to move on from the past tell her, explain she is with someone else, you are moving on and that you will be there to raise your child.

Deardebra :

You are still and always will the father of your child.

Deardebra :

Tell her that the past is the past you both are divorced the relationship is over, you no longer have to listen about what has gone wrong in the relationship. Tell her that the only thing you will discuss is your child with her. You can't keep listening to the past mistakes when the marriage has been over for a long time.

Deardebra :

She needs to move on now.

JustAnswer in the News:

 
 
 
Ask-a-doc Web sites: If you've got a quick question, you can try to get an answer from sites that say they have various specialists on hand to give quick answers... Justanswer.com.
JustAnswer.com...has seen a spike since October in legal questions from readers about layoffs, unemployment and severance.
Web sites like justanswer.com/legal
...leave nothing to chance.
Traffic on JustAnswer rose 14 percent...and had nearly 400,000 page views in 30 days...inquiries related to stress, high blood pressure, drinking and heart pain jumped 33 percent.
Tory Johnson, GMA Workplace Contributor, discusses work-from-home jobs, such as JustAnswer in which verified Experts answer people’s questions.
I will tell you that...the things you have to go through to be an Expert are quite rigorous.
 
 
 

What Customers are Saying:

 
 
 
  • Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help. Mary C. Freshfield, Liverpool, UK
< Last | Next >
  • Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help. Mary C. Freshfield, Liverpool, UK
  • This expert is wonderful. They truly know what they are talking about, and they actually care about you. They really helped put my nerves at ease. Thank you so much!!!! Alex Los Angeles, CA
  • Thank you for all your help. It is nice to know that this service is here for people like myself, who need answers fast and are not sure who to consult. GP Hesperia, CA
  • I couldn't be more satisfied! This is the site I will always come to when I need a second opinion. Justin Kernersville, NC
  • Just let me say that this encounter has been entirely professional and most helpful. I liked that I could ask additional questions and get answered in a very short turn around. Esther Woodstock, NY
  • Thank you so much for taking your time and knowledge to support my concerns. Not only did you answer my questions, you even took it a step further with replying with more pertinent information I needed to know. Robin Elkton, Maryland
  • He answered my question promptly and gave me accurate, detailed information. If all of your experts are half as good, you have a great thing going here. Diane Dallas, TX
 
 
 

Meet The Experts:

 
 
 
  • Kate McCoy

    Counselor

    Satisfied Customers:

    1580
    Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues
< Last | Next >
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/formybunch/2010-12-06_191055_img_0975.jpg Kate McCoy's Avatar

    Kate McCoy

    Counselor

    Satisfied Customers:

    1580
    Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/IN/intrapsyc.com/2012-2-20_161928_RGMTPicturex5002012.64x64.png Rafael M.T.Therapist's Avatar

    Rafael M.T.Therapist

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    914
    MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/NP/nphbrown/2012-7-30_24048_ImYrManSerious1.64x64.jpg Dr. Norman Brown's Avatar

    Dr. Norman Brown

    Marriage Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    377
    Family Therapist & teacher 35+ yrs; PhD research in couples
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/HU/hungryjack20/IMG_1281_edit_2.64x64.jpg Dr. L's Avatar

    Dr. L

    Psychologist

    Satisfied Customers:

    364
    Licensed as a Psychologist and Marriage & Family Therapist.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/SU/suzmsw/2011-9-2_184634_Thisone.64x64.JPG Suzanne's Avatar

    Suzanne

    Therapist, LCSW

    Satisfied Customers:

    338
    Experienced in treating trauma, relationship issues, co-dependency
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/AL/aliciamiller/2012-4-9_21330_profilepicture.64x64.jpg Alicia_MSW's Avatar

    Alicia_MSW

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    331
    Specializing in relationship/family counseling
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/jhollo77/2010-2-6_651_Avatar.jpg Jennifer's Avatar

    Jennifer

    School Psychologist

    Satisfied Customers:

    320
    Extensive experience fostering family relationships through consultation / counseling.
 
 
 

Related Relationship Questions

Chat Now With A Counselor
Dear Debra
Dear Debra
Advice Columnist
1813 Satisfied Customers
I have been an Advice columnist for 14 years. My column is published weekly in local newpapers.