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Karin Samms
Karin Samms, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 299
Experience:  with over 15 years experience offering support with relationship, mental health & addiction issues
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For Karin - I wanted to ask you one last question. After

Customer Question

For Karin -

I wanted to ask you one last question. After thinking over it all and knowing I need to do something, I have decided to leave him a note. I just can't find the way to say something in person and whether that's a lack of courage I don't know because I believe it will take all the courage I have to deal with his response or lack of. And, is it okay and are you allowed to look over the note....Having never done this before, I don't want this to come off as a love letter or anything close. They way I feel for him is something he doesn't need to know.

My question, before I do the note, after all I've told you.......In your opinion is it that he doesn't want too or just won't with his shyness? I saw him the other day and I really think he feels something because of the way he looked at me but hi is all we said and he finally said it at the same time I did instead of waiting for me. Others were around us so that was about all that could be said I guess. And I've read the shy signs off websites and he does alot of those towards me but I just don't pick up on them because I just can't believe he likes me and then because of that my signals back are totally wrong (and I wouldn't know what signals to send anyway). And that's why I think if I don't do something, he'll never know that I was trying. But maybe he doesn't need to know or want to know.

Thanks,

Karla
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Karin Samms replied 1 year ago.
Hi Karla,

I would be more than happy to respond to you however I have two clients to see for therapy in about five minutes, if you're happy to wait, once I'm done, I shall respond promptly (within a couple of hours).

I hope this would be acceptable to you?
Thank you for your patience and your understanding.

Best wishes and look forward to reading your question soon,
Karin
Customer: replied 1 year ago.


That's fine. I don't expect you to drop everything for me.

Expert:  Karin Samms replied 1 year ago.
Hi Karla,

Sorry, I'm at work and have only just finished with my clients. (UK time!)

Yes of course I'm happy to look over any letters you might want to send him, bear in mind this is a public question and answer forum.. But I am happy for you to post it and I will take a look and offer you my observations.

To answer your first point, “is it that he doesn't want too or just won't with his shyness?” I believe the way he has behaved thus far and taking into account all of his behaviors towards you; it seems it might be more to do with his level of shyness. K, you need to believe in yourself, if he’s not the one, then somewhere someone out there is perfect for you, BUT it’s important you find out one way or another, I think this letter idea is a great one and it’s something you will be more comfortable with, so go with it! :)

K, maybe he doesn’t realize the extent of your thoughts and feelings towards him, hence he struggles to ‘read’ your signals…?

I hope this is helping, please do come back to me for further assistance and support if you need it, I'd rather support you as much as possible and receive a positive rating and I'd be more than happy to continue supporting you until you feel satisfied.

-----------
If I have answered your question, kindly rate my service positively so I may be credited for my time. If you choose to rate me anything less than positive, please do come back to me and I will clarify further or support your query further. Your question will not close and I will continue to support your question. Bonuses are always appreciated.

Kindest Regards, Karin
Karin Samms, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 299
Experience: with over 15 years experience offering support with relationship, mental health & addiction issues
Karin Samms and 2 other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

This is what I have so far but I'm not really saying what I'd like too but I don't want to scare him or make him angry again.


I feel like I may owe you an explanation and I’m not good at this so here goes….


 


You may not remember (and I’m not really wanting to bring it back up) but that’s where my explanation starts. Since you got so angry with me and told me that I could say “hi” but not speak, I have tried very hard to leave you alone and not bother you because I thought that’s what you wanted me to do. (And, please, let me apologize again….Things were very bad in my life and I was scared what was going to happen to me and although there are no excuses, there are reasons I acted like that back then. I’m sorry….I look back and see how things got away from me but at that time, I didn’t.) I’ll admit that because I felt so bad for what I’d done that I couldn’t even look at you for awhile but I’d like you to know that I haven’t been trying to ignore you or be mean in any way. I really thought I was doing what you told me to do. What I’m trying to say is that if you’ve changed your mind and it’s okay to come around, I’d like that.


 


I just don't want to give him a note if I'm wrong about what I see and he's just watching and that's all he's doing and wants to do. I feel like if I don't do anything, I'll regret it and it's important to me that he's not a regret. I don't expect him to say/do anything after the note, but I need him to know that I haven't been rejecting him all this time but only doing what I thought he wanted. And I, in no way, want him to feel bad/get angry (again) over what was said back then....it's just where the story started. Any suggestions, are welcome. Thanks.

Expert:  Karin Samms replied 1 year ago.
Hi Karla,
I'm reading through your letter and will respond very soon, please give me a moment to read thoroughly and prepare.
Thanks,
Karin
Expert:  Karin Samms replied 1 year ago.
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Customer: replied 1 year ago.


I didn't want to push for anything from him because he's shy but he's also a man and knows what he does/doesn't want and I didn't want to reveal what I feel but I needed him to know why I've acted as I have hoping he'll see that that's not how I wanted to be. Does it sound like I'm blaming him for my behavior because I'm not? I take people literally and in his anger, the words were harsh and I have done want he asked and worked hard not to feel his anger again. I was going to leave it on his truck tonight but it's so windy out I'm wondering if I should ask a lady that works there during the day to drop it on his desk in an envelope when he's not there.

Expert:  Karin Samms replied 1 year ago.
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Customer: replied 1 year ago.

Not being there during the day, I can't drop it off. I don't want it on his email at work in case that would get him in trouble or make him mad. I've helped the lady so much with listening to her problems I really think she would do it. I just didn't want to get another person involved. I'll get it to him somehow. If he gets mad, then he's not for me because I don't think there's anything about the note to upset him other than it came from me and that's why I'm not expecting anything and know that although it will hurt awhile, I can look back and know that I left no misunderstanding between us and for whatever reason, it just wasn't meant to be. But at least it wasn't because I was too afraid to try. Thanks so much for your help and for being there to listen to me.

Expert:  Karin Samms replied 1 year ago.
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Karin Samms
Karin Samms
Counselor
299 Satisfied Customers
with over 15 years experience offering support with relationship, mental health & addiction issues