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Dr. Paige
Dr. Paige, Psychologist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1427
Experience:  Ph.D. Licensed Psychologist
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Does it sound to you like he is over me? He told me later on

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Does it sound to you like he is over me? He told me later on that he would always love me. Because of the way this situation occurred and the fact that he was kind of hiding this girl from his friends, I feel like this was supposed to be a casual hookup style relationship but he got busted and I called him out on it so now he is telling people about seeing this girl. Do you think this is a rebound? Do you think a person could get over such strong feelings for someone so easily. I still love him and am just trying to figure out whether his feelings for me are done. I would love to talk with him about this but he says things in the direction if us being over but then reacts so strongly to anything indicating that I am with anyone. I also don't understand why so many pictures of us are still in Facebook even after I defriended him. He still has not put anything up in it regarding her at all or him being in a relationship. Could this girl really be ok with that? He was always very public about our relationship like he wanted everyone to know, but his handling of this situation with this girl.... I don't understand. Any insight into this? Thank you!!
I do think it could certainly be a rebound situation with him. He sounds like he has a little bit of a control issue as well if he has a problem with you seeing someone, but yet he can do what he wants to do.
If you cannot have a normal conversation with him about anything either, this is not a good sign. I think he has a lot of personal issues that he really needs to work out before he can be in a healthy relationship at all, on any level. You didn't go into a lot of detail in your last question as to the reason for your break up other than he held things in and you wanted to talk. Again, this comes down to major communication problems, which sound like they are continuing into your friendship. While I understand you wanting to be with him, I do think that if you do end up getting back together, that you will end up right back where you are until you both change some things as far as the communication issues. I think the fact that he can't even talk to you now about things should be a red flag to you. Depending on how strongly you feel about him, I would keep trying to pursue this conversation with him. Try to sort out your feelings properly, and even do it on paper if you can. Writing things down, makes some things which seem one way, look another when you see it in black and white. It's difficult when you see him all the time because of your work situation, but I would try and separate myself from him as much as you possibly can as well. Space is also a good tool to sort out your feelings too. Again, I know this is difficult.
While I never want to say things are over for good, I just want YOU to decide if this is really the best relationship for you to be in. At least before he addresses some things and there are some adjustments made.
I do think that people can get involved in a physical relationship only with someone. It sounds as though he is not serious with this other person, just looking for some fun and to fill a void he has.
He has some personal baggage that he is trying to deal with in this way. If he is in denial about confronting his own feelings about any type of day to day things, this is just his way of acting out on those feelings that he represses.
I would try not to worry so much about his actions with this other girl as far as public displays. If she is going through a divorce, there may be a lot of factors going on which only they know about. She may be ok with this as she does not want people to know either. The whole thing may be at her request too, there is no way to know for sure. It really doesn't matter about any of that. You just have to get to be able to talk to him and that is the botXXXXX XXXXXne. If he continues to act irrationally about talking to you or about your own actions with other people, I urge you to seriously look at this as not being a very good person for you to be with over all, as things won't change unless he is willing to make that choice.
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