How JustAnswer Works:

  • Ask an Expert
    Experts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional Answer
    Via email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site.
    Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction Guarantee
    Rate the answer you receive.

Ask Karin Samms Your Own Question

Karin Samms
Karin Samms, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 299
Experience:  with over 15 years experience offering support with relationship, mental health & addiction issues
71830932
Type Your Relationship Question Here...
Karin Samms is online now
A new question is answered every 9 seconds

Hi. Im feeling really terrible and dont know what to do. I

Customer Question

Hi. Im feeling really terrible and dont know what to do. I did a childish thing to my partner. We are both divorced, he has 3 children and I have 2. Our relationship was on the rocks for the past 2 months, I was having insecurities about us so I set up a "trap" for him with a wrong phone number, and he took the bait. It was a really childish thing for me to do, and I wish I hadent. He said he knew it was me the whole time but wanted to see how far I would take it, and now that he knows, this was the push he needed to walk away from this relationship. Him and I really loved one another, or so it seemed that way. We have been together for 1 year and 2 months but the last 2 months were a little rocky. I thought I would be strong enough to walk away after testing him, but I'm not. I love him. Now it has been almost a month and he says he is confused and does not know if he wants to come back. He says he is going to focus on him now because he always tried to make me happy and that never worked so now its his turn. After apologizing several times and receiving little to no feed back, I stepped back. My kids ask for him constantly and I'm sure his do as well. They loved me tons. After I decided to step back, It has now been over a week I have not heard from him at all. I really thought this man loved me. Although what I did was not right, I dont think its unforgiveable. I feel miserable without him and cannot understand how he just stepped away from us like this and does not reach out to me. Any advice please
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Karin Samms replied 1 year ago.
Hi there, welcome to Just Answer. I will try and help you with your question.

I'm sorry that you're experiencing this at present, he really didn't like what has happened and if things were in a bad way initially then this has thrown him off wanting to try and make things work within your relationship. I'm sorry to hear he's not communicating at all with you, this would make it hard for you as it's difficult to resolve things with him not contacting you. I wonder if you've tried to email him, this could be the only way that you could express to him how much you really love him, regret doing what you did and explaining the reason why you did it might be a good start in trying to - at the very least, get him to understand your rationale behind what you did. He needs to feel reassured that you are keen to make changes and are willing to do what it takes to sort this out. If your relationship was on the rocks prior to this incident, is there any chance you both might at some stage consider couple counseling? If he contacts you and you both are willing to go and speak to a professional it could help to try and understand how you both progress and work together to change things (of course, this can only happen if and when he talks to you, but it's something to keep in mind).

Nicky, you made a mistake and we all make mistakes, we're only human. He hopefully will calm down and try to approach you when he's ready to do so. It might also help if you can understand why you have these insecurities in the first place as it has impacted upon your relationship and future with your partner. There is no one way that will make him talk to you, but positive approaches might include emailing him with real feelings and thoughts about how you could work on your insecurities and how you desperately love and miss him, additionally, you could continue giving it a little while longer, I know you've already been quite patient but who knows, he may well be testing you to see if you will respect his wishes? If he doesn't respond to your email even after a couple of weeks, then that would be an indication that he's really struggling with forgiving you and returning to your relationship - and if that's the case, you will find a way to let go and move on, but that's not the case yet- perhaps not until you feel you've demonstrated and exhausted all avenues.

I hope this is helping, please do come back to me for further assistance and support if you need it, I'd rather support you as much as possible and receive a positive rating and I'd be more than happy to continue supporting you until you feel satisfied.

--------------------
If I have answered your question, kindly rate my service positively so I may be credited for my time. If you choose to rate me anything less than positive, please do come back to me and I will clarify further or support your query further. Your question will not close and I will continue to support your question. Bonuses are always appreciated.

Kindest Regards, Karin
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Hi. Funny you mention the email because I took this approach already a week ago. I wrote a very sincere, heart felt email to him explaining my insecurities, why I did what I did and how much I'm willing to work on us. His response was very vague. He replied " wow I wish I would have heard this months ago, but nine the less it was nice to read. Thank you". I suffer from anxiety disorder so he has gone with me to my therapies and we have had some therapy about ourselves as well. Everything wa ok until early January and well now this. He has spoken to my mother and expressed how much he misses her and how much his kids do too, but is very bland with he communicates with me. He does not show me he misses me when we have communicated. As I mentioned, now I decided to lay off since I truly feel he knows I'm sorry and willing to make this work. I'm beginning to feel maybe this was an opportunity for him to leave. I don't know where all the love is anymore
Expert:  Karin Samms replied 1 year ago.
Hi Nicky,

It's good to hear that you've tried this as it'd be an important way forward. Since you have already tried this, the only observation one can make from this is that despite his missing your family etc. he's not willing to try any longer. This comes across with the way he chooses to not express any feelings around you yet he's ok with showing his feelings for your mother and others etc. the only option you have is to perhaps try and leave it a little while longer or perhaps ask him - via email - if he'd be willing to meet up for a coffee just to chat and see how things feel to talk to one another with no strings attached. What do you think Nicky? I'm truly sorry for what you're going through, i can only imagine how you might be feeling knowing that you love him so much, but you will need to take care of yourself in all of this and social anxiety disorder means that even going for a coffee may be hard for you, but it might demonstrate to him how much you are willing to try - for the sake of your relationship (if you felt this was realistic and not too anxiety provoking?). On the other hand, if he was realistically looking for a way to get out of the relationship, then he's found an excuse (although I'm not feeling this as yet, I feel it's more the case that he's really hurt by the actions and unable to forgive and forget - despite knowing how sorry you genuinely are).

I hope this is helping, please do come back to me for further assistance and support if you need it, I'd rather support you as much as possible and receive a positive rating and I'd be more than happy to continue supporting you until you feel satisfied.
--------------
If I have answered your question, kindly rate my service positively so I may be credited for my time. If you choose to rate me anything less than positive, please do come back to me and I will clarify further or support your query further. Your question will not close and I will continue to support your question. Bonuses are always appreciated.

Kindest Regards, Karin
Karin Samms, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 299
Experience: with over 15 years experience offering support with relationship, mental health & addiction issues
Karin Samms and 3 other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Expert:  Karin Samms replied 1 year ago.
Hi Nicky,
Thank you for rating my service and for the bonus, it's very much appreciated.
If there's anything further I can support you or assist you with, please don't hesitate to ask.
For any new questions, please put "For Karin" at the start of your question and I will do my best to respond as promptly as possible to you.
I hope things go well and you get to resolve this soon.
My best to you,
Karin :)
Customer: replied 1 year ago.


Hi Karin,


 


I need your help again if you can. A few things have happened since and im still back to square one, in limbo. Well for starters, I had the opportunity to speak with him face to face. On one account he met me at my house and we just had a "silent night" if you will. Meaning, he spent the night, no intimacy, we just hugged from the moment I opened the door until he left for work in the morning. we just enjoyed each others company for one night and did not speak about anything at all. Then 2 days after that, I invited him to meet for lunch and he did. I apologized to him again, but calm and collectively, no tears, and expressed to him how sorry I was for my immaturity and I was still very much in love with him. He accepted my apology, got very tearful when I told him what I had to and told me he would like to continue to see me and just speak, not about anything in particular but just talk, and no more "im sorrys". I agreed and left thinking things were on a positive note, however this was on a thursday and I did not hear from him again until the following wednesday that he asked me to lunch again. This was very hurtful for me. It has been over a month and 2 weeks since our split. After I met for lunch with him on 2 occasions and saw he was taking a friendly approach, and taking things very very slowly, too slow for comfort, I finally approached him on our 3rd lunch encounter which was actually yesterday. I told him i was not interested in being his friend. I explained our lunch in's hurt me very much and he was giving me little to no feed back. I explained that I was at peace with myself because I knew I had done everything possible from my end to express i was sorry and willing to work on us but If he was not willing to move forward with our relationship, then we had to go our seperate ways. My children are beginning to ask less about him and I told him i did not want them to adapt to him not being around, only to have him come back whenever he was ready, if ever. The only thing he said was that he never said he wanted to be my friend and I argued that no he did not, but he hasnt said much of anything either. We finished lunch and he did not say a word after. He seemed a bit in shock but... he let me go. He walked me to my car and said, okay bye, I kissed him on the cheek and said thank you for lunch, and that was that. Is this his way of letting me go? I feel that although I am trying to get answers and not stay in limbo with our relationship, I still got no answers and was left in the same predicament. Any insight would be helpful. Thanks

Expert:  Karin Samms replied 1 year ago.
THIS ANSWER IS LOCKED!
You can view this answer by clicking here to Register or Login and paying $3.
If you've already paid for this answer, simply Login.
Expert:  Karin Samms replied 1 year ago.
THIS ANSWER IS LOCKED!
You can view this answer by clicking here to Register or Login and paying $3.
If you've already paid for this answer, simply Login.
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Hi Karin.

Wouldn't you take his silence yesterday as his answer? He let me go. I just feel as if I finally gave myself the respect I deserve and told him what I had to and he said nothing. I don't think I should further contact him. I don't know ...
Expert:  Karin Samms replied 1 year ago.
THIS ANSWER IS LOCKED!
You can view this answer by clicking here to Register or Login and paying $3.
If you've already paid for this answer, simply Login.

JustAnswer in the News:

 
 
 
Ask-a-doc Web sites: If you've got a quick question, you can try to get an answer from sites that say they have various specialists on hand to give quick answers... Justanswer.com.
JustAnswer.com...has seen a spike since October in legal questions from readers about layoffs, unemployment and severance.
Web sites like justanswer.com/legal
...leave nothing to chance.
Traffic on JustAnswer rose 14 percent...and had nearly 400,000 page views in 30 days...inquiries related to stress, high blood pressure, drinking and heart pain jumped 33 percent.
Tory Johnson, GMA Workplace Contributor, discusses work-from-home jobs, such as JustAnswer in which verified Experts answer people’s questions.
I will tell you that...the things you have to go through to be an Expert are quite rigorous.
 
 
 

What Customers are Saying:

 
 
 
  • Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help. Mary C. Freshfield, Liverpool, UK
< Last | Next >
  • Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help. Mary C. Freshfield, Liverpool, UK
  • This expert is wonderful. They truly know what they are talking about, and they actually care about you. They really helped put my nerves at ease. Thank you so much!!!! Alex Los Angeles, CA
  • Thank you for all your help. It is nice to know that this service is here for people like myself, who need answers fast and are not sure who to consult. GP Hesperia, CA
  • I couldn't be more satisfied! This is the site I will always come to when I need a second opinion. Justin Kernersville, NC
  • Just let me say that this encounter has been entirely professional and most helpful. I liked that I could ask additional questions and get answered in a very short turn around. Esther Woodstock, NY
  • Thank you so much for taking your time and knowledge to support my concerns. Not only did you answer my questions, you even took it a step further with replying with more pertinent information I needed to know. Robin Elkton, Maryland
  • He answered my question promptly and gave me accurate, detailed information. If all of your experts are half as good, you have a great thing going here. Diane Dallas, TX
 
 
 

Meet The Experts:

 
 
 
  • Dear Debra

    Advice Columnist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1719
    I have been an Advice columnist for 14 years. My column is published weekly in local newpapers.
< Last | Next >
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/DE/deedeeham/2011-1-24_51523_408.64x64.JPG Dear Debra's Avatar

    Dear Debra

    Advice Columnist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1719
    I have been an Advice columnist for 14 years. My column is published weekly in local newpapers.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/formybunch/2010-12-06_191055_img_0975.jpg Kate McCoy's Avatar

    Kate McCoy

    Counselor

    Satisfied Customers:

    1235
    Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/RE/resolutions66/2011-1-17_05728_IMG8202smilingeditedforJustAnswer.64x64.jpg Elliott, LPCC, NCC's Avatar

    Elliott, LPCC, NCC

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1215
    35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/CO/CoachJenK/2012-3-9_31019_Jen.64x64.jpg Coach Jen K.'s Avatar

    Coach Jen K.

    LMSW, CPC

    Satisfied Customers:

    726
    Providing the utmost care and support.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/IN/intrapsyc.com/2012-2-20_161928_RGMTPicturex5002012.64x64.png Rafael M.T.Therapist's Avatar

    Rafael M.T.Therapist

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    549
    MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/HU/hungryjack20/IMG_1281_edit_2.64x64.jpg Dr. L's Avatar

    Dr. L

    Psychologist

    Satisfied Customers:

    349
    Licensed as a Psychologist and Marriage & Family Therapist.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/SU/suzmsw/2011-9-2_184634_Thisone.64x64.JPG Suzanne's Avatar

    Suzanne

    Therapist, LCSW

    Satisfied Customers:

    338
    Experienced in treating trauma, relationship issues, co-dependency