Hi, I'm Dr. Jackie. I don't see any other responses here; so if no one else is helping you currently, I'd like to offer to try to help. I can be available online or via email (Q&A) in the next 12 hours or so. Please let me know if I can help. I'm also going to copy and paste this to the Q&A format as well.
I am available anytime from now.
I am available for chat now
I am available for chat now- well I get to the point in life where things are going ok, I can get into school programs I want to, be friends with fun people, even have great dating prospects, but then before I would take care of my illness fully, I would lose everything for years -
Take your time.Right now things are good and I think they will continue to be good. I no longer abuse alcohol or marijuana, or even have late nights with friends doing those things...I finished an Mba course online recently, and am enrolled in a Spanish class now...I keep busy, and feel good. Waiting to be hired after a lengthy and in depth job hunt.I understand that everytime I break social networks it's harder to rebound and I must start over. I still think about the past relationships and miss them. I am trying not to Google stalk anyone and I don't, but it's hard not to be curiousI understand these people view me differently and that I need to move past them, but still, I want to know about her life, and I still think about reconnecting
I do have a therapist I work with regularly. She has helped me with most things. I know the process seems slow but I have made major necessary life steps. At this current juncture I am conflicted because I know that my illness destroys social networks and romantic relationships are the first to go. I sent disturbing sexual facebook messages to female friends, when I was manic, whom did not know I had bipolar disorder...The person I miss the most is actually married. Her marriage was a bit rocky and she made a move, but then I went manic and I have never spoken to her again. I wrote an apology letter to her husband. Even though I have attracted women that I am attracted to many times, now that I am recovering and I have no prospects I feel very unattractive and not sure how much if it is the illness recovery verses me specifically. I feel my insecurities piling up, like too short, minority, mentally ill etc..Essentially I am caught between moving forward and missing the past that didn't happen. I want to let go, but it is a challenge. I love this girl but can't contact her and I think her entire family things I am a major threat. So I am trying my best not to look her up on the Internet and haven't done so for 9 months. I know if I do it will just grow thoughts I don't want or need.
I do not need to speak with an addiction specialist my concern is working on relationships
Hello Dr. JackieI like your advice, I want to tell you what is going on with me. Last year at this time I couldn't go in public comfortably because I was thinking if I see the woman or her sister I will be frozen- or any of the others. I went form being a nice person and we had an "A team" and we trained together. I was a bit confused because the sister whom was single also always smiled at me and they are both quite quite pretty. I was leaving for an over seas contract but I asked her out but she wasn't interested and she gave me her number but reluctantly. Then the married made a non-verbal sexual pass while showing me a martial arts move.I guess it is a conflicted situation, did the sister like me and have reasons not to go not with me prior to my leaving. On the other hand she is an ideal woman and maybe an inch to tall for me or too pretty for me- but why smile all the time at me. I have dated before it was a major sign but again she is so pretty and a bit taller than me so I thought I will go for it. Next thing, all thee crazy sexual messages- and now I cringe to think I wrote about such intimate details of sex with someone that may or may not even like me.I do stay busy I have a Spanish class, and am working on my MBA and vigorously learning the guitar at the moment.Lately a few attractive girls have been smiling at me and we get into nice little conversations, but I feel that advancing will lead to rejection. I am caught and I know I am the best I have ever been because I don't indulge in drugs or alcohol and I am just driven to my career success. My mood is very calm and I know I would be a great boyfriend. As far as online dating I have thought about pay site but I don't want to date someone with intentions of a serious commitment, I am not ready for that at all. I just want to go for ice cream and chat and make out. Like I use to be able to do.