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Dr.G.
Dr.G., Psychologist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1467
Experience:  Licensed Psychologist in the state of Minnesota
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My long distance ex and I have been doing FWB. We have been

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My long distance ex and I have been doing FWB. We have been skyping around once a week and it's been nice. This past Saturday night we skyped for 2 hours. Neither one of us wants a relationship. When we started the FWB last month, I admitted I still had lingering feelings for him. They are pretty much gone now. I was supposed to go visit him this weekend but he randomly texted me and said "So I think think you should stay over this weekend." I simply replied Why's that. He didn't respond. 7 Hours later I said "I'm fine with not staying over. Can we talk later tonight?" He didn't respond to that either. I'm just really confused what's going on.
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Dr.G. replied 1 year ago.
Hello, I can see you would be a bit confused by him not responding to you. Of course I have no way of knowing for sure what's going on, but perhaps he was upset that you asked why. Can you tell me what were you hoping he would say in response to "Why's that"?
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

I just wanted to know why he changed his mind about me staying over. I think that was an appropriate question. It wasn't asking too much. He cancelled on me so I wanted to know why.

Expert:  Dr.G. replied 1 year ago.

I just read your original question again. I need some clarification. When you said [I was supposed to go visit him this weekend but he randomly texted me and said "So I think think you should stay over this weekend." I simply replied Why's that. He didn't respond.] Did he say he thinks you SHOULD stay over this weekend or that your SHOULD NOT stay over? If you meant to say that he texted that you should not stay over. I can understand why you would have asked why. You stated that you are just Friends With Benefits so, since he didn't get back to you it's more like, People with Benefits because a friend would have at least responded to you.

Customer: replied 1 year ago.

sorry i meant to say should not stay over. I'm just really confused. Idk what's going on. Right now I'm leaving him alone. If he's going to treat me like this, I don't want any sort of friendship with him.

Expert:  Dr.G. replied 1 year ago.
I say get clarification from him. The confusion might be because of the miscommunication. Tell him how you feel and why is he giving you the mixed messages. That way you can get to the bottom of this whole mess.
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

How do I do that when he didn't respond to me? If he doesn't want the fwb relationship anymore, that's fine with me. I just want to know instead of be ignored.

Expert:  Dr.G. replied 1 year ago.
Can make him talk. If you reach out and he continues to ignore then I guess you have your answer and need to move on in your life. That is the best you can do. Some people don't communicate well and there is definitely a level of immaturity on his part. Just don't spend all your time dwelling on this.
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

I find it really rude that he's acting this way. How much reaching out is too much?

Customer: replied 1 year ago.

?/

Expert:  Dr.G. replied 1 year ago.
Until you are tired of trying. It may take one time and you are done trying or you might do it for the next 6 months. Totally up to you. Me? 1 time and I'm done. I don't play those childish games that he is playing.
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

I'm going to try more than 1 time because he's known for being bad at replying to everyone. I'm going to try next week because I believe he either thinks i'm too attached which this has demonstrated to me that I'm not or he thinks that i'm going to try and convince him to let me stay over which I won't. i don't want to stay somewhere that i'm not wanted.

Expert:  Dr.G. replied 1 year ago.

As I said, how often you try is definitely up to you and what you feel you want to do. I would encourage you to consider that if he does come around, talk to you again and wants to engage in the fwb activities and then leaves you hanging again, that this might not be what you are really looking for. In my experience working with clients, when people agree to a fwb type of relationship, there is almost always disagreement on exactly what fwb means. Generally speaking, the male tends to view this as, "Hey, when I want to hook up with you for the "benefits", that's really the only time I want to talk to you because that's all I want from you" and females tend to view this as, "Hey, lets talk like we are friends, hang out sometimes, text, email, skype, and hook up sometimes. I'll talk to you anytime, because after all, we're also friends". You can see the difference here. I wish you well and again try not to allow this to interfere with you too much. Focus on those who actually do want to spend time with you, will return calls, texts, etc. Those are the relationships to expend mental energy on. Thank you for your question and best of luck to you!

Customer: replied 1 year ago.

At this point, I'm just annoyed that he did this. It is very immature and regardless of the reason that fact that he didn't explain isn't acceptable. I don't understand why a person would be like this.

Expert:  Dr.G. replied 1 year ago.

So how do you plan to proceed from here. Have you been in touch with him since then?

Customer: replied 1 year ago.

I haven't been in touch with him since. I'm pretty annoyed at him right now. I'm not sure why he decided to cancel this weekend. Regardless, him not explaining at all isn't acceptable. If he doesn't want me to be in his life at all, I'm fine with that. I just want an answer either way & I know that's not asking too much.

Expert:  Dr.G. replied 1 year ago.
Ok so now you know what you need to do. Get your answer. Good luck.
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

I'm not ready to do it yet. I'm afraid he's just going to continue being immature and not give me an answer. At the moment, I'm putting it off

Expert:  Dr.G. replied 1 year ago.

So if you are not ready to do it yet, what would you like me to assist you with today?

Customer: replied 1 year ago.

I mean I know I need to do it soon but I don't want to simply be ignored more. That will just frustrate me

Expert:  Dr.G. replied 1 year ago.
Do you have a specific question or something specific you would like me to help you with?
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

What can I do/how can I handle the way I react if I say something to him and he doesn't respond again?

Expert:  Dr.G. replied 1 year ago.

Your original question was that you just want to know why he cancelled on you. What if the answer is that he was with another girl who he wants to have as his girlfriend? (Which, I'm sure if that was the case, he definitely would not tell you because he would potentially lose you as a fwb) Since he only wants a friends with benefits relationship with you, he has no real obligation to you whatsoever. Again, most often, when a guy agrees to a fwb relationship that means literally ONLY benefits, nothing more. If he thought differently and was considerate of you and your feelings he would keep you as a girlfriend and not treat you as if you are insignificant, and only important to him when he wants sex/benefits.

How can I handle the way i react if i say something to him and he doesn't respond again? My recommendation to you is to chalk it up to experience, learn from it. if you reach out to him again and he does not respond, then you really need to make a choice to keep him out of your life or at the very least do not put yourself in a situation to be so upset by his actions again. You have stated that you really do not have feelings for him anymore, but that does not really seem to be the case, otherwise, all of this would not even matter to you. The best way to handle this if it happens again is to truly shift your focus to activities, people, and other things that bring you happiness not sorrow. You deserve to be treated far better that this individual is treating you. I wish you the best.

Expert:  Dr.G. replied 1 year ago.
please accept so I can get credit for my time.
Dr.G., Psychologist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1467
Experience: Licensed Psychologist in the state of Minnesota
Dr.G. and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

Sorry! I'll accept it now. I have one more thing. I haven't talked to him yet because I'm not sure that I want him in my life in any sort of way right now. I feel as though if i talk to him i'm just going to bitch at him for ignoring me the way he did. How do i decide if I should completely stop talking or continue fwb

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Dr.G.
Dr.G.
Counseling Psychologist
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Licensed Psychologist in the state of Minnesota