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Ask Dr.G. Your Own Question

Dr.G.
Dr.G., Psychologist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1467
Experience:  Licensed Psychologist in the state of Minnesota
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issues with my girlfriend

Customer Question

Hello. my name is XXXXX XXXXX 24 years old. my girlfriend jessica is 22 years old. we have been together for 4 years now. we love each other so much. and we are getting married this year. jessica is a tennis player and usually when she is back from her matches she asks me to take off her shoes and socks. then she asks me to kiss her feet if i really love her. and honestly i do it because i love her so much and i want to prove that to her. but very recently after taking her boots/socks off, she is asking me to sniff and suck on her feet or lick her toes. i did not do it and i told her i'm not your dog. she got pissed off and said if i dont do it then it means i dont love her and she will break up with me. i have talked to her alot but she insits that she wants me to suck on her feet. i tried talking to her parents and they said i should do whatever makes her happy. i'm very confused. i don't know what to do. can you please give me an advice or tell me what i should do ?

Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Dr.G. replied 1 year ago.

Dr.G. :

Hello, I believe I can help

Dr.G. :

Let me take a minute to read your question again

Dr.G. :

Can I just ask, is there any cultural aspect to this at all

Dr.G. :

?

Dr.G. :

What I mean is, is it common between couples where you are from at all?

Customer:

Nop its not doctor

Dr.G. :

Ok, as I am from the U.S. I wanted to first make sure of that. In no way should you have to demean yourself to show her "you love her" by doing something disgusting for her.

Dr.G. :

I am quite sure you do many things for her to show her you love her. This sounds very immature of her to demand something so degrading as this.

Customer:

i told her i wouldnt mind doing that after she takes a bath. but after a tennis match her feet are very sweating and very semlly. i cant do that to her. but i love her alot

Customer:

We have been together for a long time. almost getting married

Dr.G. :

Of course you love her alot. This is ridiculous on her part to be upset over. I don't want to sound disgusting, but how would she feel if you demanded her to do the same to your armpits after working out or playing a sport?

Dr.G. :

Is she really upset about the fact you wouldn't do this? If so, How long has she been upset about it?

Customer:

I'm sure she wouldnt do that.

Customer:

yes she is very upset and now shes ignoring my calls and my test messages

Customer:

yesterday she sent me a mesage she said. once you make up your mind send me a text message saying you will suck on my feet after the match

Customer:

i talked to her parents they said. because both of you are getting married. and this is not a game, so she wants to make sure you really love her and you would do anything for her

Customer:

but still i find this very awkward and disgusting

Customer:

shes being very immature

Dr.G. :

It IS disgusting. Point out to her and her parents (if you must) all of the ways you show her you love her and would do "anything" for her. Maybe even write a list of the non disgusting ways you show her you love her. It makes me question if SHE really loves YOU to ask you to do something so inappropriate and disgusting. When people are going to be married, they want the best for one another and strive to be fair, etc. Immature is an understatement. Really! Her parents are totally out of line about this. You must stand up for yourself about this. It is simply not ok for her to request such a nonsense display of "love". Truly, in my opinion she is the one who needs to do some proving of her love FOR YOU!

Dr.G. :

Stand firm with her as well. Tell her that by now if she does not know how much you love her and that something as silly and inappropriate as sucking her sweaty feet will tell her, then perhaps you are not sure you want to be with someone who feels that way about you. Tell her to contact you when she realized how ridiculous she is being and leave it at that. If she does not contact you, then consider yourself lucky. If she is truly upset about this now, when you are married imagine how ridiculous her requests will be. Trust me, it will only get worse if you don't lay down the law with her on this. If she is really just kidding around then ha ha, but the joke is over.

Customer:

I have thought of this too. but if this is not a joke do you think i can get over her within time ? because i love her so much we have been together for almost six years now.

Dr.G. :

I can tell how much you truly love her simply by the fact that you asked your original question. Most people who would be asked such a hideous request wouldn't even worry about it being a problem to say no. You can definitely get over her and find yourself with someone who isn't so childish and someone who makes ridiculous unfair requests for you to "show your love". You deserve better than that. It sounds to me that she is truly just being very immature and if she really means this, she's apparently very very insecure about herself and about your love for her. I have a very good radar about things like this and I am quite sure you show her your love for her in MANY ways that aren't so inappropriate.

Dr.G. :

I've been with my wife for over 12 years and neither of us would ever think of requesting something so inappropriate of each other. Asking someone to do something like this is not love.

Customer:

Yes you're right doctor. i've done many things for for her and her family. i come from a wealthy family so i've been a big help for her and her family in so many ways. anyways doctor thank you so much for your help i will let you know what happens

Customer:

but i got one more question, do you think foot fetish is normal ?

Dr.G. :

do you have the foot fetish or does she?

Dr.G. :

A foot fetish is very common.

Customer:

i don't. it's obv her because she is asking me to suck on her feet

Dr.G. :

So this is something she likes you to do for her as a sexual turn on? If so, you are MORE than willing to do it for her AFTER she washes up. simple as that.

Customer:

yes i used to kiss her feet and she would get turned on. but lately shes asking me to suck on them. i have told her i dont mind after she washes up but she said no she want me to do it after her tennis match

Dr.G. :

Setting limits with a partner is not only important but necessary. To force you to do something that can potentially be unhealthy for you is out of the question. It is a deal breaker. If you were to have an armpit fetish and would ask her to do this for you as I mentioned before it would not be right or fair to her if this was something she simply did not want to do. Some people have a great desire to have anal sex as an example, now, if the other partner does not want to do that and the other demands it, it's called rape. It's simply not ok for her to demand something of you even if it is a turn on for her. Tell her that after she washes up to role play or pretend she just got done with a tennis match.

Dr.G. :

It is ok for you to stand firm on this. Just because it's a turn on for her does not mean you must do this for her. It just doesn't.

Customer:

Thank you so much doctor. i'm very convinced now. because i know if anything happens it's her fault not mine. i will do exactly as you said. thank you so much you've been so much help for me. i will def give you a postive feedback and a bonus. thank you sooo much again.

Dr.G. :

Thank you for your question, positive feedback and bonus! You are welcome. Good luck to you. I hope this works out the way you'd like it to! Best wishes to you and if you need anything else, please post another question and request "Dr. G" in the subject line. Hang in there!

Dr.G., Psychologist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1467
Experience: Licensed Psychologist in the state of Minnesota
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