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Ryan LCSW, Relationships
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 872
Experience:  Professional therapist
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Hi My boyfriend just recently revealed to me that he was

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My boyfriend just recently revealed to me that he was abused when he was 12 yrs old when first coming to this country...he's been able to go through life fine but he always realized he had alot of sexual urges and always wanted more and tend to get bored after a while. We met a year ago he is now 26 and for the past month i noticed a change in him..his abuser was locked up sometime after the incident however he was released and my boyfriend saw him some months ago and ever since then he's been haunted by the demon he says. He is seeking counseling for about 2 months now and i discovered that three weeks ago he ended up cheating on me twice with two random women and felt horrible right after wards. His counselor suggested that we separate as he is going through the process of getting himself right as to not hurt me in the event that he may slip up again. I gave him his space and we are trying to remain friends with hope that he is able to get control of his urges and himself he hasnt so far been labelled a sex addict or anything as of yet but i want to know is it possible that sometime in the future that he can have a healthy relationship with someone meaning me because he says he wants to be with me and that's one of his motivations to keep at this?
Thanks for your question.

I'm sorry to hear about what you've been going through with your boyfriend. It sounds like he is having a hard time recently and it has caused him to do some very hurtful things. It is not surprising that seeing his abuser triggered some very difficult emotions for him. That could have certainly contributed to the problems that started happening with your relationship, and it makes sense that you would try to give him some space to see if he can resolve some of these problems.

It is possible that he will be able to have a healthy relationship in the future. The most encouraging thing is that he has not been afraid to reach out for help, and that he is in counseling for these problems. People who have been abused can struggle with their relationships, but there is a good chance that if he is willing to work on these problems, he will be able to get past that and start moving forward. Sometimes it's hard to say how long that is going to take, but if he had generally been doing well up until a couple months ago, there's a good chance that he'll be able to get back to that point.

I definitely wish you the best with all of this and hope that things work out for you both. If there's anything else I can do to help please let me know.

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