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Ryan LCSW
Ryan LCSW, Relationships
Category: Relationship
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Experience:  Professional therapist
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I have been out with a guy twice. He seems to have everything

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I have been out with a guy twice. He seems to have everything I'm looking for on paper: an engineer, lives in a lake house, drives a bmw. We have been on two dates. I'm not emotionally involved yet. Since then, I found out that his sexual history includes group sex, male-male-female sex, and male-female-female sex. I'm no prude, but my gut is nervous. My 11 year divorce ended b. my husband was sexually deviant ... I uncovered a deceitful secret life of porn and escorts. I have two kids that have been thru divorce once, and I can't handle it again. Should I run now to find a 'safer' choice, or am I just being paranoid b. I'm scared?
Thanks for your question.

I can certainly understand why you would be cautious after what you have been through with your ex husband. If you aren't comfortable with this new guy's sexual history and are concerned that he would have similar expectations of you in a relationship, that may be a very valid concern. However, I wouldn't make the assumption that this guy's sexually adventurous past means that he is deceitful or untrustworthy. In some respects, the fact that he has been so open with you about his past already is a good sign that he is honest even if the information that he told you made you nervous. It would be much different if you uncovered these facts about him after being led to believe that his past was different. For now I would think that it is completely fine if you are uncomfortable and would rather end this now before things go too far. However at the same time, as long as you are open and communicate with each other properly, there's no reason to believe that his sexual past would automatically create the same type of problems that you had with your ex husband.

I definitely wish you the best with all of this, and if there's anything else I can do to help please let me know.

Ryan
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