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Kate McCoy
Kate McCoy, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 5241
Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues
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my husband is very cold. bec according to him its my fault.

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my husband is very cold. bec according to him its my fault. bec i was nagger and always jealous to someone . it shows that he is already tired of showing he loves me. his sweetness and affection has gone. what do i do to bring his old him?
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Kate McCoy replied 1 year ago.
Hello, I'd like to help you with your question. I just need to clarify a few things.

Has your husband always treated you this way? Was there anything that occurred between you that may have caused him to react like this such as an affair, etc? Does he ever show you affection or care at all, or is he always like this? And is he better with other people or does he treat them the same?

Thank you,
Kate

Customer: replied 1 year ago.
he is not like this before. never. october last year had an issue bet me and his bestfriend. i consulted his bestfriend to help me bec he is not the same way he is... but that problem.. he was jealous.. was resolved already.. he became more affectionate more showy of his love, sweeter... last valentine he gave me flowers.. i didnt like those..he was pissed off so he stepped on it and said just throw it.. bec i felt like he only did that bec of obligation..as if no effort on looking for the flowers i want..just like before... we resolvedbit again.. i apologized and gave my side... we became ok.. then after days bec im should i say, insecure of i dont know.. i always make an issue even on little things, jealousnto somebody that not supposed to.. narrow minded.. easily get angry.. and since then i just felt he is so cold.. as if he doesnt want me on his side.. especially when sleeping time.. it really hurts me and insults me... i ask him if he wants me to go away.. ask him what he really feels.. he said.. he doesnt know now.. but despite of his coldness he still manage to do the same routine... txts me telling his whereabouts.. he still locates me, without me knowing via iphone.. i just dont know what he really feels and why is he so cold... is just testing me? if ill do anything to show how i still love him? or is he nearly on the fall out of love mode? what should i do? i cant handle the pain...
Expert:  Kate McCoy replied 1 year ago.
Thank you for the additional information. I will work on your answer and get back to you as soon as I can.

Kate

Customer: replied 1 year ago.
kate

please i need to know what to do to bring back the old him.. and what he really feels for me..

thanks.
Expert:  Kate McCoy replied 1 year ago.
It sounds like there was an original issue in your relationship (with the best friend) that undermined the trust between you. There does not need to be any wrongdoing to cause one person to mistrust the other. And when that occurs, both partners start to bring in insecurities and mistrust which throws the entire relationship off. It breaks the communication between you and causes you both to worry about your own situation rather than focus on the other person.

When two people become a couple, they bring in all of their own issues, past experiences and emotional baggage. This includes insecurities. So when there was an issue with your husband's best friend and your husband became jealous, it brought up all of the insecurities he has. That was compounded by your own insecurity that when he gave you flowers, it was not sincere which in turn triggered your husband's insecurity again. So the two of you are caught in the loop of not trusting the other and it's hurting your marriage. Your husband seems to have reached the point that he has shut down because of his pain.

To help the situation, the two of you need to be willing to let your guard down and work on trusting each other again. It is vital that you focus on putting each other first even if it hurts you. Someone has to offer the first olive branch so the other person can do the same. And you may want to be the first person to try it. Start by learning more about building trust between you. Then use what you know to help reach out to your husband and bring him back to you. Here are some resources to get you started:

http://suite101.com/article/how-to-build-trust-in-a-marriage-a245501

http://ezinearticles.com/?The-Deceived-Marriage---6-Key-Aspects-For-Rebuilding-Trust&id=96404

The Relationship Cure: A 5 Step Guide to Strengthening Your Marriage, Family, and Friendships by John Gottman

Broken Promises, Mended Hearts: Maintaining Trust in Love Relationships by Joel D. Block

I hope this has helepd you,
Kate






May I please request that if you find the service I provided helpful at all that you rate me with three or above? Your rating is the only way I am reimbursed for my answer. Thank you so much!
Kate McCoy, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 5241
Experience: Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues
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