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Alicia_MSW, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 792
Experience:  Specializing in relationship/family counseling
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Hey there.. i lost my womans trust becaus of lies i told her

Customer Question

Hey there.. i lost my womans trust becaus of lies i told her lies for my life because i was afraid of scarring her and to impress her. i also didnt tell her about two messages that some other ladies txt me on facebook at the start of our relationship 1month or so, and we were talking the way i was talking to hem when i was single. "hi hun how you doing" ect "with kisses at the end and ect.. nothing ever happend with them and nothing will they are just some girls i met on my dancing trip to greece.. I really do love her and i wouldnt dare to hurt her but unfortunatly i did. I need to get her trus back and show her how i really feel about her. we are speaking now and still holding on to our relationship but its very cold no kissing and no phisical contact exept a hug..
Submitted: 3 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Alicia_MSW replied 3 years ago.
Hi, I'm Alicia. Thanks for asking your question - I'm happy to help you today.

I think it's going to take some time for her to start trusting you again. You've taken the right steps in terms of starting from scratch and letting her know that you will be honest with her from now on and that you're willing to put in extra effort. But you're going to have to be patient, because right now she might be trying to figure out how to move past the lies and forgive you for these incidents.(Even though it was just chatting on facebook, and it seems that nothing serious happened, it still feels like a betrayal to her, especially since your relationship is so new.)

Since your relationship has just started a month ago, it's still in the very early stages when people are just starting to figure out what they want out of the relationship and building a foundation for trust. So doing little things for her, like you've been doing, is important, because that's one way to show her you care. The fact that she's still willing to stay in the relationship is a positive sign to me, because it shows that she's not ready to give up just yet, so she must see something in you that gives her hope that you can rebuild trust. Just promise her (and yourself) that you are going to put all of the negativity and lies behind you and that you truly want to be committed just to her. Then give it time - you can't make her trust you, but you can show her that you are serious and that you are willing to take the steps that are necessary to start to build the foundation for your relationship. It takes patience and time and commitment - there's no magic solution to an issue like this. Just give her a chance to accept what has happened and to accept what you are offering her.

I hope that helps and I wish you lots of luck. Please let me know if you have any further questions.

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