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Jen Helant
Jen Helant, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1137
Experience:  I have a degree in psychology and worked with many couples. I am happily married and have been for 10 years.
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I broke up with my boyfriend because he wasnt there for me

Resolved Question:

I broke up with my boyfriend because he wasn't there for me enough, but he is going through so much himself. Now that we aren't really speaking anymore, I am regretting the decision and wish I had been more patient. What do I do to communicate to him that when he is ready, I will be there? I feel I might have pushed him away for good because I was going though so much emotionally with my career.
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Jen Helant replied 1 year ago.
Hi,

I understand what you are going through. I think if you realized this the best thing you can do is relay your feelings to him. Be honest and talk from your heart. There is no right or wrong way to say this to him. Just tell him how you felt then and what you realized now. This can be done through a letter, phone, or in person. There are pros and find with each.

A letter is good because you can say exactly what you want to say without being interrupted. That way you can plan exactly how you want to say it. Also, he would have time to dwell on it and not respond hastily.

As for in person he will see and feel your sincerity and can look into your eyes. With the phone you can not do this, but may be a good option if you feel more comfortable or that is what is a possibility if he will not meet with you.

Which you do really depends on what you feel will work best with your situation, what is a real possibility, what you feel more comfortable with, and what you think he would respond better to. The main thing is to show your sincerity, apologize, and let him see why you have changed and now see things differently.

I wish you well and please let me know if I can be of further help.
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

The thing is he has so much going on that he feels relieved he is out of a relationship. I do too in many ways, but want him back one day when things are more settled in both our lives. Writing a letter or calling may backfire on me because he wants to just focus on his job and finalizing his divorce. He needs to focus on his kids right now that are going through so much. I know they say play hard to get and don't contact them, but I'm afraid he will just never want me back.

Expert:  Jen Helant replied 1 year ago.
Thanks for explaining. However, I do not think playing hard and not contacting him will work because you are the one that broke up with him. If he was going through things and you now realized this he may be thinking you were not understanding and no longer want to be with him therefore may never contact you due to not knowing. Since he is going through all of this and you both are pretty much relieved I would go with the talk or the letter, but stating exactly what you told me. That you understand what he is going through and now may not be the best time for a relationship, but you would definitely like to have one in the future. It would be best to let him know your exact feelings that way when you both are apart he will know the truth of how you feel when he is planning. That way he then will contact you when he is ready if he indeed feels the same way.
Jen Helant, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1137
Experience: I have a degree in psychology and worked with many couples. I am happily married and have been for 10 years.
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