Thank you Kate,
I am.. confused.. don’t know whether there will be another meeting, it was all rather rushed at the end, we were late starting, then the next client arrived and i didn’t have a debrief from the lawyer mediator, maybe they thought it would be just too hard to come to an agreement, mediator Helen was rather vague at the end, said have a think about what he (D) has said, and if I want, to let them know about having another meeting, see how I feel after I have let his propositions sink in... .
I know they can’t advise or give opinions, that was really hard. I really struggled and maybe took longer than they had time for, but I did warn them...
So, We achieved little. I have given notice to D that I’m moving stuff from the barn at 11am on March 23rd and have asked him not to be in attendance- granted- and he has the list of stuff I am going to take.
I talked about the added family value from my parents, and that went to D (I had it listed and signed by my dad);, he will not accept anything less than half. (They have put in £60k, including the value of the barn and land- that's in old money (20 years ago)
He says the Barn needs £8,000 spending on it, I said what for? He agreed with my list which was mainly decorative and tidying and a bit of carpentry and plastering (tiny bits, he could do everything himself), he said to pay himself (bc he won’t be working elsewhere to earn money), and (probably) Mark, and materials. His plan is for me to come up with the money, give it to him, he does the work, the Barn is sold, and I recoup the £8k on top of my share.
He told them that he wouldn’t do the work without me coming up with the money. That was the end of the meeting so I don’t feel any better off, and that he has dominated the proceedings by saying what he wants (apart from me having the divorce- he told them he doesn't want any of this to happen, so why should he give in to me?)
I don’t want to borrow the money, I want the Barn evaluated as it is, and ask the Estate agent what the difference these works would have on the house value. I don’t want to give HIM the money. But now I don’t know what is happening, I’m up in the air and falling, uncomforted, gutted. I guess I should wait to hear from them as to what happens next.
I wonder if there is any point in this mediation. I need to speak to my solicitor.I felt terrible inside, my head was a mess, came home and saw the dogs through the barn window wanting to come to me but I couldn't even see them.
Mum came down with a letter from my solicitor, stood in my doorway, said something terrible has happened........ OMG... what??? She said Sonia is DEAD! (The ‘other’ woman in my aunt’s scenario who was to buy her cottage so we could pay for her care home...), they were going to exchange on my aunt’s cottage that day, now we don’t know what! She said as if we don’t have ENOUGH!! (Dad has just had dx further skin ca (new ‘type’- VERY rare, –Pagets- took 2 years to reach dx. Sigh)-
I couldn’t believe how she told me (about Sonia), she said it’s almost laughable!! – but then she said she does feel sorry for her of course, but was mostly concerned that the transaction didn’t take place before she died (they only found out via their solicitor), and that it might take years before the money was given over. At least she has signed on the dotted line.
I have to say I was shocked that she was dead, not young, but fit(ish) and well. Maybe the stress.....
My solicitor’s letter was telling me the legal aid system was being reshuffled from April 1st, and if I wanted to claim Public Funding to go to court I’d have to apply by March 15th (a week hence) I emailed mediator Helen, asked if they would tell me sooner if they thought mediation was a non-starter, I was just so confused, and now didn't know whether I should go to court to get him sorted, but that would be more expense, and was I shooting myself in the foot by not giving him the money if he'd agreed to 'give' it back when the Barn was sold. The lawyer mediator emailed to say that I should wait for his letter which will be sent on Monday before making a decision about pulling out of mediation, but that of course the decision was entirely mine. I am so in need of advice, it feels uncomfortable to hear I must decide, but I have talked with my parents, and we are of the same mind- that I will not advance him £8,000 to work on the barn (so he doesn’t have to look for work himself, and he can take as long as he likes, and he still has a home rent free until it’s done), and I will have to find out if I can get an estate agent to value without his approval. I need to ask the agent whether spending £8k (where he got that figure from I don’t know- it just needs decorating and a bit of finishing off, nothing structural at all)
The Barn is a mess. Oh yes, I asked the mediators to put to D that he should spend my rightful 'share' of the lodger income on decoration, but I didn't hear his response to that, I'll have to wait for the letter.
So all in all I was rather dissatisfied with it all, and left in a mix, but I have worked some through, wondering how he can continue to thrash me and squeeze me and apparently not feel anything. How come I never really knew this man?????
I have spent as much time as I can while he's been at work this week (yes, really, 2 days of work!) to get everything I want out of the Barn, I have been back again today for the last few small things, the bits of furniture I want (which I have listed for him, they are from my family originally). He was out by late morning, I took the dogs, he's still not back, 9pm, they'd have been alone and unfed, all day, for far too many hours. I went to check the rabbit, he was DESPERATE for food, not had any since I fed him on Wednesday (no evidence), but he had water. Mediator Helen asked me about the animals, asked if I could have the dogs, with me, I said I wasn't really meant to but I would as much as I could, and I wanted it to be something we talked about. She asked me if I xcould take the rabbit, or my parents (she asked if they could have the dogs too, obviously concerned for their welfare- I'd told her all the budgies were gone.) So I've been wondering what to do with the rabbit, and must make some inquiries. And he doesn't appear to be bothered about the dogs, though I had them for 2 days in the week, took Rubin to the groomers for his poodle trim and took them back the following morning. Rubin went in straight away, Lola wanted to play so stayed outside. I went into the Barn to get something and he came up the stairs before I could leave again, and picked Rubin up, asked me fiercely where Lola was.
They will have to come with me, I just can't leave them with him......
I've said enough for now. I was going to 'edit' the price for this Q, but I'd rather pay you a bonus :) Sorry it's so long and says so much, I'm sure that's only half of it!
Thank you Kate. I'm going to your link now, see what I should have known yesterday!