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Elliott, LPCC, NCC
Elliott, LPCC, NCC, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 7662
Experience:  35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
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I have been dating this guy for almost 3 months after meeting

Resolved Question:

I have been dating this guy for almost 3 months after meeting online. He is genuinely the kindest, thoughful guy I have ever met and I feel that I could be falling for him. Two months into the relationship he told me he loved me and that is certainly true, which is shown through his actions. We see each other once every 1-2 weeks which is good. He is very shy and seems to have very few friends. He does not have much of a social outlet, which worries me, as he told me today that if we ever ended he would be heartbroken and devastated. I told him about my concerns and him not having a hobbies and to be fair he has followed through by making enquires about joining a sports club, which he is is in the process of doing. He is a hard worker and is doing every course possibe to upskill and improve his job prospectus for which I am proud of him for. He is so kind to his mother as his parents are divorced and I have heard that a guy who is kind to his mother will be a good partner in life. One thing that worries me is that I could lose respect for him, as he is not assertive and I have informed him that I will walk over him and others if he does not stand up for himself. His lack of friends is anohter thing that worries me. I am in the middle of making a sole application to adopt and he says that if we continue seeing each other down the line then, he would like to be involved, ads I know he would make a great dad. I told him one day that he was weak and he was angry because he said that if I continued to say that then he would finish things. I feel proud to be with him, but there is a part of me that is unsure of him because of my worries stated below. I'd appreciate your thoughts on this. Many thanks.
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Elliott, LPCC, NCC replied 1 year ago.
Seeking expert testimony is a sign of strength. A personal relationship with a caring professional is proven clinically effective

Dear friend,

I understand how much you admire this man's wonderful qualities, but you do not accept him whole cloth for who he is. He will never meet your expectations and he will know it.

You will not ever be wholly satisfied with him and he will know it and will finish things. You are not the woman that he needs in his life, and he is not the man that you need either.

You can like him from afar, but I strongly recommend against trying to build a lasting relationship with him.

Neither of you are at fault, or to be blamed. You are just not what he needs and he is not what you are looking for. As a professional therapist who has seen many family clients, and teacher of Family Therapy Systems at the graduate level and Marriage and Family at the undergraduate level, I see this relationship as a classic case of incompatability trying to come together. I do not believe this will work.

I shall keep you both in my prayers for future happiness.

Warm regards,

Elliott, MAE, LPCC, NCC, CCMHC
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

I'm ashamed to say it but part of me would feel embarrssed to introduce him to someone because he comes across so awkward, however how on earth do I end things with him, as we have booked and paid for an expensive holiday, concert tickets. Part of me feels that I would be heartbroken if I ended things also. I may ask him to cool things for a while so I can think clearly what I want and need to do for the best in the long run.

Expert:  Elliott, LPCC, NCC replied 1 year ago.
Dear XXXXX,

You have been rushing into this too fast. Obviously, you are ashamed of him. On the one hand he is good when you two are the only ones in the world, but alas you are not.

You will not enjoy the holiday considering how you feel. Unlike the concert, you cannot just go home after the show.

It takes great courage to break up with someone. You care for him and care about how he feels. However, that is no reason to dedicated the rest of your life to him. In that case, you will have to start backing off now if you know that you need to rethink this.

Here is a good book that may help you in the process.

Product Details

Coming Apart: Why Relationships End and How to Live Through the Ending of Yours by Daphne Rose Kingma

 

I shall continue to keep you in my prayers.

 

Elliott

Elliott, LPCC, NCC, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 7662
Experience: 35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
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