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Dear Debra
Dear Debra, Advice Columnist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1852
Experience:  I have been an Advice columnist for 14 years. My column is published weekly in local newpapers.
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Me and my boyfriend have been on and off for the past two years,

Customer Question

Me and my boyfriend have been on and off for the past two years, and we have overcome a lot of obstacles along the way. He tends to be really controlling and just insecure, and that's just the kind of person he is. And whenever he gets frustrated or something bothers him he just always seems to solve things by breaking up. But besides the point, me and him got exclusively back together in October after a long summer of basically just screwing each other over. But ever since we got back together we laid everything on the table and told each other the things that we both wanted out of the relationship and the things that needed to be fixed. And ever since then it has been great and basically just a fresh start. But on Tuesday of last week he started acting distant and I thought it was just because we haven't hung out in a few days so I wasn't really worried but then by the end of the week he was still acting that way. I kept asking if anything was wrong and was just worried. So we hung out on Saturday and he decided to tell me his friends were home for Spring break. This made a lot of sense to why he has been distant cause he's been hanging out with his friends all week. (He doesn't go to college so he's usually hanging out with me or his other two friends that don't go to school) And one of our problems over the summer was that he couldn't balance out me and his friends and he was always hanging out with them way more than me. But the rest of the night on Saturday was normal. On Sunday morning he called me before he went to work and I texted him later in the day asking him to come over when he was done work and he was just acting distant again so I asked him if he was sure that nothing was bothering him. He replied saying "I don't like how much we fight over stupid things. You always get so mad when I cant hang out and it puts stress on me that I don't need." (which pisses me off cause he freaks out when I cant hang out and makes me take off work so he can see me) So I just apologized and told him that I didn't mean to come off like that and I just like to see him as much as I can cause I don't want things to be like how they were in the summer. And he replied to that bringing up how I had a fling with this guy over the summer when me and him weren't really talking and said ever since then he couldn't look at me the same. (He had flings with girls as well) And then he told me he has pretending to be happy. But I know that cant be true because the weekend before he was literally like preaching his love to me and making me promise I would never leave him. And so then he finally texted me and said that he needed time to himself. I didn't beg for him, I just told him to do what he needed to do. But then he unfollowed me of instagram and twitter and blocked me off of twitter. I asked him why he did that and he said cause otherwise he'll talk to me. And I'm just completely confused cause I feel like he just used all this as an excuse to hang out with his friends till his friends come home without me bugging him and because I've been clingy all week. Last week he was acting so normal. And I don't really feel that worried cause he's really dramatic and in the past he's done this crap and came crawling back a week later. I don't know if we're on a break or what. I feel like he's gonna come back when he's friends leave. I just need someone's opinion.
Submitted: 3 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Dear Debra replied 3 years ago.

Deardebra : I can tell you this he is in love with you.
Deardebra : His love for you is so strong that he is overwhelmed with his emotions.
Deardebra : He is pulling away because he is afraid of getting hurt.
Deardebra : He thinks if he pulls away he will not get his heart broken.
Deardebra : But what he doesnt realize is he can not control how he feels about you.
Deardebra : He can try all he wants to distance himself but he is going to keep coming back because he loves you.
Deardebra : He thinks by blocking you that is going to stop himself from talking. I think he should just embrace his feelings for you.
Deardebra : He needs to take the risk and not be afraid to open his heart up too you.
Deardebra : Why he breaks up with you is because he can not handle you being upset with him. Every time he escapes because he feels if he stays it will get worse and he might lose you forever. I feel that is his biggest fear.
Deardebra : His emotions take over and all he knows how to do is run instead of planting his two feet and sticking it out to solve the problem.
Deardebra : Communication is key in any relationship. He needs to work out these problems not walk away. I have no doubt that he loves and cares for you.
Deardebra : I think he cares so much that he doesnt know how to handle it.
Deardebra : You both are in a relationship together, your suppose to make time to be with each other. He should not feel pressured. He shoukf want to be with you or if he wants to hang out with friend make plans to go together.
Deardebra : He can not break up to hang out with friends then come back clinging too you. The reason is because he knows how much he loves you and comes running back.
Deardebra : He wants and needs you in his life he knows this and he is overwhelmed by how much he loves you.

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