How JustAnswer Works:

  • Ask an Expert
    Experts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional Answer
    Via email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site.
    Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction Guarantee
    Rate the answer you receive.

Ask Dr. Paige Your Own Question

Dr. Paige
Dr. Paige, Psychologist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1427
Experience:  Ph.D. Licensed Psychologist
Type Your Relationship Question Here...
Dr. Paige is online now
A new question is answered every 9 seconds

Dr. Paige I have an issue I need some direction on. Yesterday

This answer was rated:

Dr. Paige I have an issue I need some direction on. Yesterday I went to have my taxes filed and told Sherry I was pretty sure I could deduct alimony. She said you can't deduct child support. I said I don't have children and we are talking about two different things. I have heard that you can deduct alimony, but I am a mechanic, you're a school teacher, it would probably be best to ask someone who knows. Which I did, and the answer is "YES" it most certainly is deductible. I told Sherry we figured it two ways, with a 1040EZ and no deductions and I would owe Federal $442.00, and a 1040 Long Form deducting alimony and $2,500.00 in charitable donations that changed the picture to me getting back $1200.00 Federal and $250.00 State. Sherry replied with a very inflammatory statement "You Did Not Donate $2,500.00 To A Charitable Organization" She told me I Did Not. She didn't ask if I did. I explained that they have to have proof, they don't just go by hear say. I had to provide proof that I was paying alimony, it was court ordered, etc. I had a receipt for the donations. So I got pissed, and I feel rightly so. Now this morning she is demanding I apologize to her for being so rude to her when she was just making conversation. At this point I refuse to do so. I feel if anyone should apologize, she should. I asked how she could justify saying such a thing when even if we were married, she wouldn't spend every second of the day with me, and how would you know one way or the other? She responded with don't talk to me until you are ready to apologize for being so rude. I realize that relationships are give and take and also saying I'm sorry sometimes when you may not agree. The most I would be willing to do is say if I over reacted to your "Statement" and not a question, I'm sorry, but you offended the hell out of me. I feel she should apologize for being so offensive. I also feel I've drawn a line in the sand and if I give in, that sets a presecedence that she can get by with this behaviour. What are your thoughts? Should I say I'm sorry or not?
I would not apologize. I would explain to her why you are not going to apologize. I don't think what she said was very inflammatory, but it depends how she said it and the conversation which happened after you say you got pissed. While she does not know every detail of what you do as far as finances are concerned, not a lot of people do donate $2,5000 to A Charitable Organization, so I don't think the assumption of that is too off the wall for her, but if you explained to her that it falls in the category of alimony and having the proof for it, then the conversation should have ended there. I would just tell her that you feel there was miscommunication and things got more heated than they should and both of you are at fault, lets move on. Don't put blame on her and don't put blame on yourself. This is what happened, we both over reacted, lets forget about it. If she doesn't want to agree with that and she still holds her stance, then you hold yours. You can try to keep the peace, but keep it an issue of both of you not one or the other. You will be disarming her by doing this, in a way. If you blame her, she can get defensive, if you put it on both of you but still don't cross the apology line, you are being neutral.
Customer: replied 4 years ago.

The $2500 comes as an estimate for clothing, furniture, etc. that was donated to goodwill to make room for her and her son. I got rid of a bed, a couch, a recliner, lots of clothes, old CD's, some tools, just lots of items to try to make room for them. Goodwill gives you a tax form and you put the value on your own property. The king size cherry sleigh bed alone was $2,500.00. You put a value based on "Used" and typically what you think you could sell it for like at a garage sale.

Ah ok, you can see taxes aren't my strong point ! I was reading into it that your alimony was in the same category. So I'm assuming you explained this to her this way. I still think you should not apologize and work through it as I said. Stand your ground, but don't do it in a mean, defiant way. Give her the opportunity to meet you half way.
Dr. Paige and 2 other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 4 years ago.

I wanted to stand firm, I really did, but I really want this stupid stand-off to end and stop fussing. So I sent her a text that read "If I over reacted to you statement I apologize, however, your statement was that I "Did Not" therefore I would ask how the hell would you know? She replied with "Not a legit apology"

She is being a little harsh, but I'm sure you don't need me to tell you that. You probably should have worded it a little different, but that is neither her nor there. At this point, I would ask if you want to continue with making sure she knows your point or if you want to surrender to her. If you want to continue to make your point, I would say to her, if you admit you should not have assumed what you did, I will apologize to you for over reacting to it. Something to that effect.
Dr. Paige and 2 other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you

Related Relationship Questions