How JustAnswer Works:

  • Ask an Expert
    Experts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional Answer
    Via email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site.
    Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction Guarantee
    Rate the answer you receive.

Ask Dr. Norman Brown Your Own Question

Dr. Norman Brown
Dr. Norman Brown, Marriage Therapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1144
Experience:  Family Therapist & teacher 35+ yrs; PhD research in couples
Type Your Relationship Question Here...
Dr. Norman Brown is online now
A new question is answered every 9 seconds

i was one month away from being married when two things happened,

Customer Question

i was one month away from being married when two things happened, firstly i went to try on dress suit for wedding and went rigid, fiancee noticed this and got upset doubt started to take over my mind was i doing right thing, I loved the girl very much but was feeling stressed. why did i go rigid?
secondly a few days later I got very nervous and cried uncontrolably for a no of hours and later had a dream about a funeral ( I lost a brother in a road accident many years ago but he didnt feature in dream) was i getting a message of some sort?
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Jen Helant replied 2 years ago.

jenhelant :

Hi, I think you are just nervous about the changes the marriage will bring. This has nothing to do with your love for her, but you realize that things will be different. The dream about the funeral could be that you feel your singles life is dying subconsciously. This could be why you had that dream and also why you went rigid. I don't think you were getting a message. It is mainly your fears of your subconscious. I would be true to yourself and weigh out within yourself if you fear marriage itself or if you have a problem with your fiance. By analyzing this it can help you have better insight as to how to proceed. Either way you may want to consider postponing the wedding if you feel you need some more time. It is normal to get cold feet and be nervous, but if you feel it is excessive then that may be a sign to just hold off a little bit.

jenhelant :

I wish you well and please let me know if I can be of further help.

Expert:  Dr. Norman Brown replied 2 years ago.

Jen's got it right. The youngish bachelor-you has to die symbolically if you're going to become the new man you'll be when you're married. Anybody who doesn't feel some fear, even paralysis, at the prospect of the sacred commitment of marriage (even if you don't believe in God or religion, love has that much power), is not going into the changes with his eyes wide open. Talk to some of the older men you know who have been married for some time. Some of those your age might be dismissive about it, but the more sensitive ones have probably felt something like what you're feeling.

Jen's also right to suggest that you think about your bride-to-be. If you have known her for less than a year, you might be marrying too quickly. For it usually takes at least 6 months of steady exposure to start having some of the personal frictions and different goals and values that can become standing conflicts for the entire life of your marriage. That's not a bad thing, because it's inevitable. But if you're not aware of anything, or you just see a glimmer on the horizon (like she's Catholic and you're uninterested in religion), then you might be a little to blind to what's coming in your future together, so your paralytic fear could be a signal that you either need more time, or need premarital counseling, esp focused on your inevitable differences and how you'll learn to manage them.

It's also not crazy for a young man to be frightened of the prospect of becoming responsible for the life of both his wife and a child or two. If your experience with your own parents makes you feel like you're not sure you'll want to be a father ('cuz yours was not a good role model), or that you will avoid every argument like an STD, because your parents' arguments were SO endless and so destructive for everyone around--then you're going to need some training in fatherhood and/or marital disagreements, and that might mean you'll need individual or couple counseling some time in the not-too-distant future. But marriage is the best emotional finishing school we have, so it's not something to avoid like an STD.

Marriage is called a sacrament, because if you recognize it as an experience that's larger and more unpredictable than anything you've done before, you'll realize that you should be overawed by it, but it's as rich and interesting as birth and death, so it's worth the risk.

JustAnswer in the News:

Ask-a-doc Web sites: If you've got a quick question, you can try to get an answer from sites that say they have various specialists on hand to give quick answers... seen a spike since October in legal questions from readers about layoffs, unemployment and severance.
Web sites like
...leave nothing to chance.
Traffic on JustAnswer rose 14 percent...and had nearly 400,000 page views in 30 days...inquiries related to stress, high blood pressure, drinking and heart pain jumped 33 percent.
Tory Johnson, GMA Workplace Contributor, discusses work-from-home jobs, such as JustAnswer in which verified Experts answer people’s questions.
I will tell you that...the things you have to go through to be an Expert are quite rigorous.

What Customers are Saying:

  • Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help. Mary C. Freshfield, Liverpool, UK
< Previous | Next >
  • Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help. Mary C. Freshfield, Liverpool, UK
  • This expert is wonderful. They truly know what they are talking about, and they actually care about you. They really helped put my nerves at ease. Thank you so much!!!! Alex Los Angeles, CA
  • Thank you for all your help. It is nice to know that this service is here for people like myself, who need answers fast and are not sure who to consult. GP Hesperia, CA
  • I couldn't be more satisfied! This is the site I will always come to when I need a second opinion. Justin Kernersville, NC
  • Just let me say that this encounter has been entirely professional and most helpful. I liked that I could ask additional questions and get answered in a very short turn around. Esther Woodstock, NY
  • Thank you so much for taking your time and knowledge to support my concerns. Not only did you answer my questions, you even took it a step further with replying with more pertinent information I needed to know. Robin Elkton, Maryland
  • He answered my question promptly and gave me accurate, detailed information. If all of your experts are half as good, you have a great thing going here. Diane Dallas, TX

Meet The Experts:

  • Kate McCoy

    Kate McCoy


    Satisfied Customers:

    Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues
< Last | Next >
  • Kate McCoy's Avatar

    Kate McCoy


    Satisfied Customers:

    Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues
  • Rafael M.T.Therapist's Avatar

    Rafael M.T.Therapist


    Satisfied Customers:

    MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach
  • Ms Chase's Avatar

    Ms Chase

    Life Coach

    Satisfied Customers:

    Over 20 yrs experience with Relationships, Sexuality, Friendship, and Family Issues
  • Alicia_MSW's Avatar



    Satisfied Customers:

    Specializing in relationship/family counseling
  • Dr. Norman Brown's Avatar

    Dr. Norman Brown

    Marriage Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    Family Therapist & teacher 35+ yrs; PhD research in couples
  • Dr. L's Avatar

    Dr. L


    Satisfied Customers:

    Licensed as a Psychologist and Marriage & Family Therapist.
  • Suzanne's Avatar


    Therapist, LCSW

    Satisfied Customers:

    Experienced in treating trauma, relationship issues, co-dependency