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Jen Helant
Jen Helant, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1124
Experience:  I have a degree in psychology and worked with many couples. I am happily married and have been for 10 years.
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I have a new relationship with a great man. All was going fine,

Customer Question

I have a new relationship with a great man. All was going fine, then he had a big business set back. Now his focus is fully on work. I sent a rather lengthy text asking if he missed me, now it just seems like a I'm a neurotic female. What should I do? Text something back, leave it alone? Help.
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Jen Helant replied 1 year ago.

jenhelant :

Hi, I am sorry this has happened. I think the best thing to do from here is wait a little and see if he contacts you. He is busy with work, so even though he may be a good guy and like you very much his priorities at the current time may be different then yours. Being friends is also an option if you ate able to handle that and is he is willing.

Customer:

The man and I are both 50, and have had some very direct conversations about where we are in our lives in wanting to find someone to spend our time with. I can logically see that he needs to focus on work. Am I being too emotional by asking for understanding too?

Customer:

I can hardly rate this as positive when you left chat and your three sentences you've deemed worth me paying for.

jenhelant :

I apologize I had lost connection before.

jenhelant :

I don't think that you are being too emotional for asking for understanding too.

jenhelant :

What is important is that you both stay on the same page with where everything is going.

jenhelant :

Has he been honest about what he wants the entire time?

Customer:

Yes. That's really what is keping me in this. I know work committments are a classic excuse but unless I'm a fool, I believe him. I just don't want to create damage to something so new. My husband passed away almost 4 years ago. This is the only man that has gotten under my skin. That's why I'm asking for help. Men can be senstive to overbearing women. Which I'm not, well not normally. I'm totally acting out of character, he wouldn't know that though since we are only 7 meetings in a month new.

jenhelant :

I do understand where you are coming from

jenhelant :

It is good that he has been honest. I am sorry about your late husband's passing and understand how frustrating getting into the dating scene can be

jenhelant :

I think by sending that text you did your part plus he has been honest with you. Based on what you explained I too think he is being honest.

jenhelant :

If you want to continue really depends on what you are wanting right now.

jenhelant :

If you are looking for something more serious you may want to move on and remain friends if you are willing. However, if you are okay with the way things are going and are aware of what he can and can not give you at the moment then you could proceed as such.

jenhelant :

I would first think about what it is you want right now and be true to yourself.

jenhelant :

I would talk with him to see what it is he wants. If he is willing to continue and take things slow that could be am option if you are okay with it. If you don't mind taking things slow then it may be a good fit for you. But from here I would let him get back to you right now then go from there.

Customer:

Yes. I agree. As soon as I hit send I wished I had called someone to talk instead of venting out my insecurities through a text. What it is I want is to be part of something with another person. I'm good with slow, as long as it is also steady. The emotional attachment just caught me off guard. I was not prepared to want him, not this strongly. I was married most of my adult life. Dating was not something I have any experience in, I've dabbled here and there for the past few years. He

Customer:

He's the first to get my attention.

Jen Helant, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1124
Experience: I have a degree in psychology and worked with many couples. I am happily married and have been for 10 years.
Jen Helant and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
I wanted to let you know he has been communicating with me and we have spent time together . I confided my insecurities and the realization of what I was doing. He in turn understood where I was coming from. He also talked about needing understanding when he has to work . So things are moving forward. Thank you.
Expert:  Jen Helant replied 1 year ago.
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