You know, he has had major stomach problems. He had gastric bypass surgery a few years ago. He lost over 100 lbs. However, now he's gaining it back again.
I think you're spot on about my seeing his imperfections for the first time. It was what he put me through that changed my perception of him. I now see what everyone else sees on the outside. But you were right - I loved him for what was inside.
During our time apart, I was diagnosed with breast cancer. I'm only 32. They were able to remove it easily and I just had to complete a few rounds of chemo/radiation. But, of course I was scared. I needed a friend and foolishly called him, hoping he would spend some time with me. He never responded - I cried and cried.
I made a kind friend from my church, and she advised me not to go back with him after I explained the break up and what followed.
I actually just got off the phone with him and he was angry that I cancelled our plans today and I was supposedly very rude about it. But the only reason I cancelled was because my IUD perforated my uterus and I've been bleeding heavily today. The tear has been repaired but I recently started back on Yaz, and I think my body is just reacting to the changes.
He said that I always do this - make plans and then have to cancel. He's right - it did that sometimes, but it was because I didn't feel well. He said that that was one of the major reasons he broke up with me and that I am repeating the same behavior and his life was easier when all he focused on was his career. He was divorced 6 years ago - he loved his wife, they had 2 great kids....and then she must have gotten a little bored and started cheating on him with multiple men over the course of several years. He just accepted it until she met a man she really cared for and filed divorce papers.
I am the first woman he has dated since that time. He gets very angry because he wants to do things with me and I cancel at the last minute because "I don't feel well". And he was just sick of it and sick of having to deal with a woman. Hence, he got rid of me. But he says that I need to share the blame for break up because I contributed to it. I never said I was perfect, and some of the time I didn't feel well - but now I realize - I had CANCER! No wonder I didn't feel like going out. I was sick. Today, he told me that this behavior was why he just needs to focus on work. He said I'm using the cancer defense as an excuse to stay in. I like to go out too - but In the 6 months I have been ill.
You're right; I am very lonely. I have my son, whom I love and adore. He's 8 now! I have a very civil relationship with my ex, so things are good in that department.
I've been on disability for some time because I also had a neurological disease - am I lucky or what?!?! But I landed a good job with a good law firm (I'm a litigation paralegal) and am excited! I won't be making the kind of money I used to earn, but it's a good sized firm that offers good healthcare plans, dental insurance and a 401k contribution. I start on March 11. I am scared...about everything - learning a new job is super tough, especially when there are critical deadlines. But I'm going to try!
When we reunited he told me that he had never stopped loving me, and that he missed me terribly after a couple of months went by... I now wish I would have told him to F off when he called, because I was moving on and doing well and now I'm back in the same position - hoping that he loves me and isn't going to dump me abruptly again...
What do you think I should do?