To be fair, this is the first time he has been so blatant about making a decision that is clearly something I am not supportive of...and, I can afford more food--so we are far from "starving", but I don't feel right about spending a lot on groceries when we are on the tipping point on financial freedom or ruin (will know more in a few weeks).
So, I do feel he is caring for the family, and he has had a long, hard run, working as hard as he can on the business for the ultimate success for the family--so maybe he deserves a few days off.... But I just don't think it's fair that he expects that when he calls me that I am going to enthusiasically be asking about his trip, and all the details on his fabulous day, when I'm not having a good day. I'm wondering if I'm mad because of some stupid jealousy, and if so, it feels like I own that, and it's my problem.
The easy cave-in/apology to bring peace is an on-going problem.....but I'm not sure how to fix this. If I bring it up, it will be another fight. I have brought it up many times, and he says we both handle anger/arguments in different ways, and he handles it by taking some time/space to think it through that I misinterpret as emotional coolness (which if you saw him, it would be hard to not interpret it that way).
We have solved many problems, and this high stress just adding as gasoline to a fire. I'm just not sure how to prepare for his return. He is mad right now, and over-reacting. I want to tell him I'm angry, but I also don't know if I'm "right" to be angry, or if I'm really just mad/angry about many other things (including his travel behavior), and I'm just spinning with no resolution.
That's actually why I'm writing. I feel like I can't tell my friends or family because I don't want them to think he's a jerk, or to know what's going on with our business worries. It's hard, I feel like I have no "vent" to my steam-pot of anger/(Jealousy?).
I'm sure we'll just have to have a blow-out fight, where I can vent, and he can be mad for a few days, and then we move on.
Thanks, have a goodnight.