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Elliott, LPCC, NCC
Elliott, LPCC, NCC, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 7661
Experience:  35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
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Hi. So, Im in a new relationship and it has been going well.

Resolved Question:

Hi. So, I'm in a new relationship and it has been going well. However, my new girlfriend can be a bit jealous at times. Recently, I was staying over her house and my ex called my cell phone very late. I ignored the call, but my current girlfriend was immediately suspicious. She asked "Who the hell is calling you this late?" I told her that I would check in the morning. But, she insisted that I go check. Well, turns out it was my ex. Because I know how jealous my current girlfriend can be, I lied and said it was a male friend of mine. She immediately know I was full of it and wanted to see the phone. I kept pushing my story, but I was burying myself deeper.... Well, I gave in and admitted it was my ex. Needless to say, she was furious. I feel that I made it so much worse by lying. She then started calling into question our whole relationship and said that she doesn't know if she could trust me. I will say that there is absolutely nothing going on between me and my ex. She just called out of the blue and a very unfortunate time.

What can I do?? I feel I may have ruined her trust in me.
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Elliott, LPCC, NCC replied 1 year ago.
Seeking expert testimony is a sign of strength. A personal relationship with a caring professional is proven clinically effective

Dear friend,

I am so sorry about your predicament. Of course we do ruin our credibility when we lie. I understand why you did it, to protect yourself from the jealous over-active imagination of your new girlfriend.

She has that deadly combination of being very intuitive and of being insecure and thus a bit paranoid.

You could block your old girlfriend's number and show your new one that you have, and this would be what is called an act of good faith. Apologize again for lying and tell her that you just were afraid you would misinterpret things. You did nothing wrong except have a phone turned on (and then fibbed about the call).

You can just be very positive of her, give her lots of attention and don't let yourself get sucked into an argument with her.

If after several days of being only positive and not letting yourself be pulled in, she should drop this. If not, then tell her that you think that she is spoiling the relationship and if she cannot trust you then you will have to call it quits, not to go back to an old relationship but because the current cannot advance because she cannot move ahead.

Give it your best shot; be positive; don' fall for any traps she may lay.

I wish you the best and shall keep you in my prayers.

Warm regards,

Elliott, MAE, LPCC, NCC, CCMHC
Elliott, LPCC, NCC, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 7661
Experience: 35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
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