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Jen Helant
Jen Helant, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1147
Experience:  I have a degree in psychology and worked with many couples. I am happily married and have been for 10 years.
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So me and my ex broke up after 2.5 years he dumped me because

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So me and my ex broke up after 2.5 years he dumped me because he thought i was cheating on him. I begged and pleaded. then eventually went No contact for a month. After which we started texting alot. And he texted me practically everyday. 4 out of 5 times initiated by him. After a month of talking regularly ( met 5 times and had sex once) I find out he has started seeing someone else. And i felt betrayed and cheated. i confronted him and it got a little messy. And i called that girl he was seeing. Anyway, after all of that i asked him again if he wants to get back and he said no i wont. I send him photos of a guy i will be dating now, and said if i know who your seeing then you should know too. It was very childish of me but i did it because i was angry and now i feel i was so stupid. He has some of my stuff and i asked him to let me know when he will meet me and give it back. And he called me on Sunday to say he will give it to me by Thursday. Then he called me Tuesday (2 calls ) Wednesday ( 1) and today Friday (7 calls) and i haven't answered any of his calls. I did this because i felt since he isn't getting back i should probably move on and ignore. I must admit its very hard for me. And i still want him back. but am i doing the right thing by ignoring his calls?
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Jen Helant replied 1 year ago.
Hi,

I understand why you felt betrayed and wanted to break it off. I think it was good of you to give him the benefit of the doubt and still ask him if he wanted to get back in order to see if things could work out. Howwever, he did not want to, so therefore you did proceed as you needed to.

At this point since you want your stuff back I would answer his calls because he may be wanting to change the date for you to pick up your stuff or he may even have a chance of heart since he is calling you so often. Especially if you are wanting him back then I would be open and honest I would not ignore him or do the no contact unless he treats you badly or tells you that he does not want you to contact him. Otherwise if he is willing then staying in communication to discuss everything and spend time together if both willing is the best way to go. He may even not be serious about this other person.

I wish you well and please let me know if I can be of further help.
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

So me and my ex broke up after 2.5 years. 1.5 years in the same city meeting every single day. Then i went away to a different country with almost 11 hour time difference between us for a year. Thats when we had major trust issues and fights. he dumped me because he thought i was cheating on him. He broke up right before i was about to return to his city. After i got back i begged and pleaded. then eventually went No contact for a month. After that month i texted him and we started texting alot. And he texted me practically everyday. 4 out of 5 times initiated by him. After a month of talking regularly ( met 5 times and had sex once) I find out he has started seeing someone else. And i felt betrayed and cheated. i confronted him and it got a little messy. And i called that girl he was seeing. Anyway, after all of that i asked him again if he wants to get back and he said no i wont. I send him photos of a guy i will be dating now, and said if i know who your seeing then you should know too. It was very childish of me but i did it because i was angry and now i feel i was so stupid. He has some of my stuff and i asked him to let me know when he will meet me and give it back. And he called me on Sunday to say he will give it to me by Thursday. Then he called me Tuesday (2 calls ) Wednesday ( 1) and today Friday (7 calls) and i haven't answered any of his calls. I did this because i felt since he isn't getting back i should probably move on and ignore. I must admit its very hard for me. And i still want him back. but am i doing the right thing by ignoring his calls? I really do want him back even now. But i dont know if things will change? Him calling me so many times makes me feel i still have a chance at it.

Customer: replied 1 year ago.

But by not answering his calls i made it clear i dont want to talk. i have never really ignored his calls. Today he called back to back. And it confused me now. I really still want him back. But i think he seems made up. Everytime i asked him he said yes i dont want to get back. But then him calling so many times makes me feel may be he wants me back. DO i have a chance with him? I forgot to mention that when i went No contact for a month the first time i never blocked him from anywhere. This time i have blocked him from facebook/ messengers / skype / whatsap etc. And his friends too so he cant stalk me from their id's . And i have never done that.


 


Since i asked him for my things back he called me twice on tuesday and once wed which is fine. I didnt answer he probably got the hint i was ignoring. because i never not answer calls. But 7 calls today make me feel it probably got to him. Would ignoring further mean he might miss me more and want me back?

Expert:  Jen Helant replied 1 year ago.
Yes, I think by doing what you did caused him to be nervous and possibly want you back. Sometimes this happens because people want what they can't have and is just an ego issue, but on the other hand also there are people who when they feel they have the person they take them forgranted, but then when they see they could lose them they actually then change for the better. Your non contact may have worked depending what category he falls into, but it is really up to you how long to continue it because if he is contacting you for a while and you do not respond then it could end up back firing.
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

I am sorry i dont mean to be crazy and ask the same thing over and over. I really am confused. I dont know what to do.. I want him back. Although i really dont think he wants me back. He clearly has feelings but he is so decided that hasnt realised he wants me back.. Even after asking him he said a clear NO.. So my point is.. should i continue to ignore for a while if yes how long? Or should i forget and ignore for good and move on?

Expert:  Jen Helant replied 1 year ago.
Don't worry. Ask whatever you like. If you feel he does not want to be with you then it is best to move on, but if you still want to try to get together then I would see why he is calling you and go from there. Either way I would see why he is calling you since he still has your stuff. However, if he still does not want to be together then best to get your stuff and move on with your life. You wouldn't want to waste your time with him if he is on a different page and not wanting the same thing as you. It would be best to save your energy for someone who deserves you.
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

The stuff he has is just 3 t shirts and 2 dresses. And i don't really care much about them. Its nothing very important. So if i completely ignore him would that mean i am closing every door of communication and hence ruining even the slightest chance that was there of us getting back? So if i decide i don't want the stuff back , truly i don't I used that as an excuse to see him and then i realized it makes me really weak when i see him. So regardless of what i want to do Move on / Still hope.. i should call back and find out ?


 


Or should i just ignore and not call back and forget he has my things. And if he really wants me back he will find a way to get through to me? This is my last question i promise.


 

Expert:  Jen Helant replied 1 year ago.
Hi,

If you are wanting him back and would like to see if there is hope I think it would be good to answer his calls or get back to him. I would not ignore him hoping he will finds another way to contact you. Your plan may have already worked and he is now trying to contact you. This is his way of getting in touch with you. I would not make it more difficult by ignoring him in order for him to find another way to contact you. It would be different if he was ignoring you. Now in this situation I would just get back to him by answering his calls or returning his calls regardless if you want your stuff or not.
Jen Helant, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1147
Experience: I have a degree in psychology and worked with many couples. I am happily married and have been for 10 years.
Jen Helant and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

I did not call him back and havent messaged him yet. He is still blocked from all my messengers etc. He blocked me today on whatsap for like an hour and half and then unblocked me. His actions confuse me and i dont know what i should do.

Expert:  Jen Helant replied 1 year ago.
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Customer: replied 1 year ago.

Well .. I dont know. My seems to have a mind of his own. And nobody really understands what he could be thinking. He hasn't called back since then or hasn't made any moves. I think he is sure and he doesn't want this back for whatever his reasons are. I have not been able to handle this well. And i end up crying and being in a bad mood all the time. While he is actually moving on and having a good time. I have not returned his calls or approached him, because i feel it doesn't matter to him.

Expert:  Jen Helant replied 1 year ago.
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Customer: replied 1 year ago.

The day i created a scene about finding out he was sort of seeing a girl. We met up and that was supposed to be closure. We talked. And he said sorry and said he did not know how to deal with the situation. And then i asked him again if he still wanted to give it a shot and he said a clear "NO" he said look its not worth going there its just not worth it now. So going back to him will only give him ego boost wont give me closure. i can only hope to move on and may be he might come back. But i dont think he will. I feel helpless even though i still want him back. but i dont see a way. What bothers me most is, i have all these really nice and amazing guys asking me out. But i aint interested in them. One of the guys wants to marry me . And he is the nicest guy i have known ever. And i know for a fact i cudnt get a better guy than him. but i cant seem to like any one . Because i am hung up on my ex. I think i should give myself time to heal. but then i feel what if i am letting go all these great guys?

Expert:  Jen Helant replied 1 year ago.
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Customer: replied 1 year ago.

I have been tempted to call him up or message him. But everyone is of the opinion that its over and going back to him again and again is not going to change anything. Its been a week since he called last, And if he wanted anything he would have called once again for sure. i get the urges to unblock him. But i dont know if i should. Also is it too late to now call back or leave a message? Asking why he called last week? Or should i just forget about it now.

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Jen Helant
Jen Helant
1067 Satisfied Customers
I have a degree in psychology and worked with many couples. I am happily married and have been for 10 years.