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Elliott, LPCC, NCC
Elliott, LPCC, NCC, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 7663
Experience:  35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
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My wife and I had a small argument last night over a silly

Customer Question

My wife and I had a small argument last night over a silly thing, which we have on occasion. We seem to be having more and more of these types of arguments lately so after reflecting on what happened, I sent her an email and we sent several replies back and forth. It was a silly argument, but I'm baffled by her final response. She will not discuss any further.

I would appreciate your incite,
John



Sarah,
There is a communication issue that we are having that I believe is starting arguments. Last night was an example of it.

When I ask a question like "Did you see my hat in the ski box?" This question in no way says that I expected you to look for it or be responsible for my hat. I saw that you went through the ski box so I thought I would ask if you had seen my hat. Any answer is fine, but I don't think it is right for you to get mad at me for asking or to interpret my question as me telling you to do something.

I am not following up on this one incident because I think this one incident is critical, I am bringing it up because I have noticed many times that when I ask you something to make conversation or just as any person would ask another person something, you appear to get upset and often respond as if I told you to do something. Please understand that when I ask a question, just answering the question is fine and that there are not expectations that you should have done something.

I think that this is the origin of some of our arguments and I will try to notice them in the future and clear them up before they become an argument.
Love,
John

-------
John,
I appreciate you writing your response but I am not in the mood to have multiple conversations about a hat. You verbally shared it 3 times last night and then texted it, that is way more time than I want to spend on a hat issue.
Sarah

-------
Sarah
As I said in my email, I didn't write the email about the hat. The communication issue I am describing is something that I am seeing repeated over and over. I am trying my best to improve our communications and I would appreciate it if you read my complete email and recognize it's meaning instead of trivializing it.
John

-------
John
you REALLY need to stop telling people how to be!
I'm done communicating on this issue.
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Elliott, LPCC, NCC replied 2 years ago.
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Elliott, LPCC, NCC
Elliott, LPCC, NCC
1412 Satisfied Customers
35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.