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Ask Jen Helant Your Own Question

Jen Helant
Jen Helant, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1386
Experience:  I have a degree in psychology and worked with many couples. I am happily married and have been for 10 years.
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About two months before my wedding, my future brother-in-law

Customer Question

About two months before my wedding, my future brother-in-law proposed to his girlfriend. A couple week's later, my now husband and his parents drove 7 hours to see his extended family for a bridal shower bash with about 60 of their relatives. His brother and fiance weren't able to go because they had a vacation planned at the same time, but they did rejigger their flights so they could come up the day after the shower and celebrate my MIL's birthday with her for a few hours.

As soon as my wedding was over - like THE MINUTE - it was over, his parents started focusing on planning the other wedding. We didn't get invited over for months and have been effectively "dropped." Now it's time to plan the big family bash shower with the extended family, and his mother coordinated schedules, except mine. I feel like, as a new daughter-in-law, it would have been thoughtful and nice of my MIL to think of prioritizing our schedule to ensure we could make this shower, since it's a huge family event. It's been scheduled at the same time as our honeymoon, so we can't go. I shared my disappointment with my MIL, and she didn't think it was important to consider my schedule for the shower. What do you think?
Submitted: 3 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Jen Helant replied 3 years ago.
Hi, I can understand why this has bothered you, but it could have been unintentional. You said yourself that they had planned a prior bash and his brother could not make it, so they rescheduled their flights and now she is planning another, so it seems she did the same thing to them as well. I could understand why you would be hurt. However, if this is a large family then it may be impossible to chose the perfect date that would satisy everyone, so she may have just chosen the best date available according to her, prices, or the majoirty. It may seem like she has coordinated everyone's schedule, but maybe that wasn't the whole truth of it since there could be other things that involve this that you are unaware of. . I do not think that she meant it anything personal towards you. I would not let this ruin your relationship moving forward. I would continue with a positive outlook and give her the benefit of the doubt then proceed from here. If something else similar happens I would then discuss it with your husband again
I wish you well and please let me know if I can be of further help to you.