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Karin Samms
Karin Samms, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 299
Experience:  with over 15 years experience offering support with relationship, mental health & addiction issues
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Hi Karin IF you be able to follow up with my series of

Resolved Question:

Hi Karin

IF you be able to follow up with my series of relationship question, it would be very helpful as you already know my history by now

Question " How can i positively deal with my emotion and low self -esteem "
How can i deal with relationship with power and autonomy

I have seen this guy and he said he wants to see me so he came to my place
he s been physically approaching and he says sorry i m over huggging you ,
I tried to distract him by initiating conversation but i couldnt find any topics , he doesnt try to start any conversation but he started to hug me and more physical. I tried to control him but i failed and i didnt control myself either. i had sex afterwards and he seemed happy and he started to relax and start vconversation with me more after the sex. He left my place . he meant to help me shifting stuff in a next few days for me to move into a new place.

He hasnt got back to me about my primary questions throough my email .
If i ask him in person again, he may fee, i m clingy and needy, so i didnt ask anything about it when i saw him.

I have developed emotions that is totally different from before . I used to feel more attracted and feel happy after having sex with him. But this time,
I m having resentment, regret, low-self esteem as a women, depressed, guilty that i had let this happened. feeling that he used me for sex, regret that i made sex easier for him, regret that i havent known how to make a tension and attraction early stage. anger towards him that he is just physically approaching, lack of confidence that i just tell him off this facts .

I ve reading and watching relationship tips books and videos ,
it makes me even more depressed as it all says that women should nt have sex so easy to men as it makes men lose interest. He becomes more non romantic. TO test his attachement towards me, I think i should leave distance.
But i m so overthinking of situation, and i am emotionally having sense of punishment towards me, Feeling awful and i am not controlling myself, self-distractive, lack of confidence as a women, I feel I am a slave for sex. I used to have bright self body image but now i feel my body is just used for sex, once it s used, no worthy ,,,,that sort of negative feeling. is there. even more upsetting, as i have never had this emotion before, every after i had sex with him. its because only after i know i should nt have had sex with him early , i tried to withhold it, and but i couldnt due to my weakness . I feel like i m worthless.

He hasnt contacted me for last a few days. I m not sure i should contact him again to remind him for this issue or to remind him to see me again as he promised to help me moving out heavy stuff on next monday.

Sorry for this my personal emotion issue. I feel so upset and i cannot help if especially my girlfriends having sparkling romantic relationships with men .
I should n t take it personally but i feel this way.

How can i deal with this emotion and get back to my usual confident states?
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Josie-Mod replied 1 year ago.
Hi, I am a Moderator for this topic. I sent your requested Professional a message to follow up with you here, when she is back online. If I can help further, please let me know. Thank you for your continued patience.
Expert:  Karin Samms replied 1 year ago.
Hi R, thank you for requesting me. due to time difference of where I am I was unable to respond immediately.

It feels as a woman you are now feeling more as though you are an object of desire as opposed to a human being who wants to be loved, and you want so much for the other person to show that love and tenderness. There is nothing wrong with love being demonstrated through sex but the problem now lies in the fact he struggles to express this first by initiating tenderness and affection for you, instead only by being physical with you. This is now leaving you feeling worse and less confident. It is good R, that you can articulate all of those emotions you have mentioned as its going to be really important in time when you do have that conversation about your original question. I think you're absolutely right in that you are going to have to be stronger and put some distance between you both. He needs to want to be with YOU - not just you in the physical terms. You are not worthless. But you are making yourself feel this way due to his actions and your own responses to them.

I would not ponder over this any longer. Draw a line under it and move on but in order to "positively deal with your emotion and self esteem" you will need to start to think about what your new plan is going to be. He still needs to answer your original question. He must do this and until he does there perhaps can be no physical relationship - it is important for your long term relationship with this man, if there is to be one. Please don't be negative, these things happen you will need to re- assess and start again so you have a chance to put in place these new thoughts and questions to him. Perhaps leave it or call/text him and ask him about the help he was meant to give you regarding the move (I wonder too, whether he feels your relying on him for things gives him more of a hold over you...). Your self esteem at present is linked to how he responds to you and your physical being. This is what is hurting you most and hence, needs to be dealt with. Your feelings and thoughts deserve some thought and consideration otherwise there can be no more physical (it will not feel special to you if it continues in this way, leaving you continuously feeling like a sex object).

I totally understand this is hard for you especially with your girlfriends seeming to be happy around you.
You need to not be scared to say how you feel to him. If he's the "right one" for you, he will listen, understand and you can both find a way to move forward. Even if his insecurities or lack of confidence is preventing him to behave the way you're wanting - he needs to deal with this as until then you will both be dissatisfied one way or another.

I hope this is helping, please do come back to me for further assistance and support if you need it, I'd rather support you as much as possible and receive a positive rating and I'd be more than happy to continue supporting you until you feel satisfied.

-----------------
If I have answered your question, kindly rate my service positively so I may be credited for my time. If you choose to rate me anything less than positive, please do come back to me and I will clarify further or support your query further. Your question will not close and I will continue to support your question. Bonuses are always appreciated!

Kindest Regards, Karin
Expert:  Karin Samms replied 1 year ago.
Hi there, please let me know if there is anything further I can provide assistance with or if you have any new questions and would like to return to me, please put "For Karin" at the beginning of any new questions.
Good luck with whatever you decide to do and I hope that my response has been helpful for you.
If you will, kindly take a second to positively rate my response to you, we only get credited after you have done this.

Many thanks and good luck, Karin :)
Customer: replied 1 year ago.


For Karin


 


Thank you for your advise again, I appriciate your thoughtful comment.


I m working on now . I think he said he will help me with a few things, so he will see me soon, then i ll tell him what i want to do


 


I ll talk to you when i confront things again....


 


Rika

Expert:  Karin Samms replied 1 year ago.
No problem at all. I hope my responses have helped. If I have answered your question, kindly rate my service positively so I may be credited for my time. If you choose to rate me anything less than positive, please do come back to me and I will clarify further or support your query further. Your question will not close and I will continue to support your question.

Kindest Regards, Karin
Karin Samms, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 299
Experience: with over 15 years experience offering support with relationship, mental health & addiction issues
Karin Samms and 2 other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you

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