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psychlady
psychlady, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 6886
Experience:  I have over 16 years experience in treating adults presenting with a variety of relationship issues
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im in along term relationship, 2 years. we have been fighting

Customer Question

im in along term relationship, 2 years. we have been fighting alot he says everything that is wrong with the relationship is my fault. A week ago he sent me a long text stating how much he loves me and wants us to work out. this was the second of this month so actually 11 days ago. He has a problem with my phone going off. I have an iphone and it goes off alot according to him. Mostly emails. The morning after he sent this text after he had stayed all night , my phone went off and he became pissed. I asked him why it bothered him so much. He actually got mad and left. So for the past 11 days thingshave been tense. He has sence told me he has booked himself to stay busy and is meeting new friends and if we can get along he will start planning activities with me. This last Saturday i had sent him a text stating that i loved him amd also wanted things to work out. He show up at my house unannounced. we had sex. I also told him in my text that i missed sex ( because our sex life has been slow due to fighting) allot of cuddleing and intimacy but not much sex. Anyway after he get up and gets dressed and tells me he is going sailing. I thought he was there to make up and was hurt and told him so.He later texts me and states that they were staying all night and he wasnt aware of this prior to going. I was not invited by the way. This was 5pm.He said he was going to find a place to eat and would "text me in a bit". Ididnt hear back from him. The next morning i awoke to several texts stating that he needed me to come get him. He was an hour away by car. I also had a missed call from him. The next day he sent me a text stating"thnks for being there when i needed you. I replied that im sorry you were stranded and that i was just getting up and did not get hear my phone last night. That this was not my fault that these were plans he made that did not include me. That he could not have or expect girlfriend privledged when it was convienent for him. I stted he should have called his bestfriend. He did not respond to this text. His best friend is a woman he use to date and now they are friends. When i met her she was disrespectful to me while he was not with us. I told him and he took her side. So needless to say she and i are not friends and this has caused alot of problems. I feel like he should have at least stood up for me. I called him monday and asked if we could talk and he said yes. He was angry about my text and told me she would have answered her phone and got up from her boyfriends bed and came to gret him. I started to say something and ended up interupting him( which he does to me all the time) he became angry and hung up on me after he said i disrespected him by interrupting him. I felt if he had plans for the weekend that didnt include me that if he was stranded that was his problem. I wasn t included yet he expected me to answer my phone and come and get him. What the heck???
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  psychlady replied 1 year ago.
It does sound like he is trying to resolve problems with passive aggressive behavior. He projects the real problems in the relationship onto trivial sometimes even insignificant things. This avoids talking about the real problem. This is true of the cell phone. It may be a mask for his really feeling insecure and uncertain about the relationship so he complains about something trivial. It becomes a symbol for him and he resorts to sort of childlike behavior. As far as the ex I have never really understood the decision to stay in touch with an ex. It always causes problems in a relationship. This too could be passive aggressive behavior. Unfortunately if he has this relationship you can't do anything but voice your opinion. It sounds like though that he is seeking reassurance. I would continue to be assertive but not confrontational. When things get back to normal he may be more willing to compromise
psychlady, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 6886
Experience: I have over 16 years experience in treating adults presenting with a variety of relationship issues
psychlady and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
At this point im not sure if he wants to get back together.We havent spoken in 2 days. .He states that my behavior is all over the place, and that he doesnt trust thatI tell him yes i know that it is.But it is in responce to his behavior. He will flirt i mean big time flirt and thats ok accocding to him.A restaurant manager brought over his business card to the table, he was right hander his card out. he was right handed so naturally to person.I put itin my bag. He was furious,left me sitting in the car.Said i shoul have left it on the table.he was not someone He states that i disrespected him by taking the card.He can do some crazy shit ```
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

At this point im not sure if he wants the relationship anymore.He is angry i tried to talk to him and he was rude and hung up on me . the call was 2 minutes long only.
He sent me a huge bouqueto of flowers 2 weeks ago to my job afteri stopped communication with min for 7 or 8 hours. I was at work .I work in the operating roon and cant just stand around and text him.He doesnt seem to comprehend ny job. after i got home he was knocking at my door. Iwouldnt let him in. TEXT him that i was working,he said i saw you walk in. crap!!!! now he has turned everything around. it came about because of my little white lie . He has turned the entire event around and made it my fault in his eyes. We were supposed to go to dinner. It was a beautiful day he drank too much and allowed his cell phone to die. I couldnt grt ahold of him for 3 hours.Iwent to sleep he called me around 9pm to meet him. Iwas asleep.Thats how i got the flowers that read "janine,my life will have little meaning without you in it. I love you more than you will ever know.This was 2.5 weeks on friday. Superbowl sunday and he called that morning to break up with me. he states that i go back and forth , this guy is all over the place and turns it around to make it look like me. CRAZY !!!????

Customer: replied 1 year ago.


i gave additional info did you get it ?

Expert:  psychlady replied 1 year ago.
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