Dear Dr. Paige,
Thank you for your advice. It took my 8 years to come to stand my ground about it. I don't know why. Probably because I was afraid she would leave me or because I didn't think it was very serious lying about it. I regret it but the damage is done. She doesn't completely trust me and the mistrust has spread to other areas. I have tried the rational discussion but she doesn't see my point of view and never will. In her mind drugs are drugs. I find it hard to understand and accept her views on this. I don't think all the data in the world would change her mind. She says she can't accept having a husband who is a ''drug'' user. The real issue really is the lying and lack of trust. To be fair to her although I stood my ground I still find it hard to admit to smoking a joint because of her reaction. Lying always seems easier. I know you are going to advise me to always be honest and I know this is good advice, its just not always easy to follow. what advice would you give my wife? I know she will never accept this about me whatever the facts. If she cannot accept it what should we do?
Dear Paige. this is the wife. I happened to come across my husband's question but am surprised at the facts he has left out. I have never had a problem with cannabis and am in fact a registered nurse with psychiatric training so am aware of the pros and cons. but I feel this situation is different. my husband has a long-standing problem with depression and the way he smoked (nearly 24 hours a day) led to me making an ultimatum. he said he chose to stop which I believed in good faith, however, over the years people have told me he never did and smokes at every available opportunity. He never admitted it to me, I just cornered him. My problem is that he uses it as an emotional crutch in a dramatic way, and his lies are no less severe than any other type of drug addict - he will go to extensive lengths to get this chemical. More than that is the way he minimises the problem to get his friends (who happen to be my social network) to lie to me aswell, which leaves me quite isolated. If he had told me years ago that he would never stop I would have chosen to go my own seperate way, but now many years down the line I find myself with the original problem but more difficult to leave.