For Elliot: Thank you Elliot but I was hoping to find a therapist here at Just answer with experience in sex therapy to answer some questions for me. You yourself have helped me in the past with other issues but I thought this issue would be handled by someone with other training. To be honest, I would prefer that to be a woman, if possible. Are there any women therapists on this service with that training and capability?
I don't know of any, per se. I have studied under a sex therapist, Dr. Fred Stickle of Bowling XXXXX, XXXXXtucky, if I can be of service.
Do you(or I ) have any way of blockingthese questions from being read by everyone? I do not feel comfortable having them on the internet for all to read(nor would my husband-he would really be angry if he started reading about himself here in public domain)
sorry- not understanding. Does that mean we have to be in chat to do that? My schedule is varied. Easiest for me to send a questions. Then is it possible for me to close out the question every single time by rating you and then send another etc.? Would that keep it from being seen....ever?
For Elliot: OK lets give it a shot and I will try to speak somewhat symbolically, and see if you can understand me. Hi Elliot! You have helped me before. I am the one with the husband who works in England and am dealing with anxiety over my suspicions about him cheating. You advised me to buy a book which is helpful but an event happened that really made me say Hold on here- this guy IS cheating I am a voice teacher.
I know voices like the back of my hand. My husbands voice gets very altered after he releases sexually.His voice sounds in a way it does not sound at any other time, in any other way. He called me a few days ago, with this voice bigtime. I had spoken to him 2 hours earlier when he said he had to work late. Then he calls sounding like this and I am supposed to believe he is working late?? Granted, I know he pleasures himself- that is his business and I dont need to know about it. But there was no time for that in this scenario. How am I supposed to believe this when I feel like its a direct assault to my face? Good God- if you are going to lie and cheat, at least be discreet about it. Dont call me 10 minutes later and try and act like everything is fine!! He swears he isn't and immigrating him is looming. I just dont know what to do. Additionally another reason this is hard for me is that he does not release himself with me anymore. He pleasures me greatly and he takes my sexual satisfaction as something important but he does not release himself( he used to often when we were trying to conceive). I guess that is also why this is difficult because I feel like he is intimate with someone in a way he is no longer intimate with me. Help!!
A musician! Ofcourse!! Too Funny! So you ARE the right person to talk to after all!! Yes, the green card question. But why introduce me to the family and have me be an integral part of his families life- why does he keep waiting for me now to say yes to his immigration now 5 years later? He hates to spend money and he has spent so much money on me and our situation. He has spent so much on my grown children. He can go out and find someone to wed and bed quickly that will pay for HIM- there are many who wouldnt care if he cheated- they cheat too. Also he has green card status in another 5 years thru his sister. He could just wait till lottery comes up, which we might do anyway. I know he loves me. I dont doubt that. This feels more like something that has happened since we married( over a year ago). It feels like he got his wife and she is not there and so this is OK because all men of his nationality cheat with both men and women(perhaps his lover is male but he VEHEMATELY denies that). But as you well know by now- THIS IS NOT OK WITH ME!! Why would he keep me around when he knows that and he swears he isnt doing that? Honestly, as I think I have said to you, I am also concerned about the possibility of him having multiple personality. Because the innocent sweet humble man I love is definately there- that is who his family sees him as. That is how i see him most of the time, but the difference is I believe there is a dark side and he just adamently denies its anything more than anxiety issue. We know he does have some type of anxiety disorder. Can anxiety issue ever lead to alternate/multiple personality disorder as well? Does a multiple personality know what the other personality is doing at any given moment?
Ha!! Interesting-that is my favorite church! You are quite an interesting fellow and in years past I would have loved to get to know you and your music better. Where were you 10 years ago before I swore off getting close to musicians, singers of any kind and started choosing feminine mediteranean men to fall for!! Even better, I appreciate having you on this service,Elliot-you have really helped me. That is until you said flip a coin!! Flip a coin??!! Come on!! The music in my head sounds like Charles Ives meets Wagner-chaos!! We have bought a house together-we are family to each other. No I dont think he is gay- for the first three years he was an amazing lover to me. And still is, but not in the same ways nor in ways that I think satisfy him( although he disagrees). i do wonder if he is bisexual though. And I am an extremely private person(am with so many people in my work)-if he were involved in anyway with any one else in my world, I would be beyond humiliated. And as far as porn goes, obviously I dont like it either but I cant expect him to be so far away and have no outlet for his sexuality.Obviously I prefer he choose porn over a real person or relaltionship. As I continue to ponder this, what suggestions do you have for me regarding these moments here and there when i hear in voice he has i think, betrayed me? I so dont want to talk to him or hear his voice like this-how do I handle it?
thanks so much Elliot but seemingly there are still no clear answers for me. If I toss a coin, I will not be satisfied either way. I will keep tossing the coin for hours!! i will not find peace until i catch him and can prove he is lying and or/cheating or not. Until i know confidently if this is related to his mental health issues or not, i will never find peace. Seemingly over time he is getting less careful with covering up whatever this is-I guess for now, I just need to make peace with the fact i will not find peace until i know for sure what the truth is. And i guess i should stall immigration process until i do. Thanks again for helping me- Can imagine you find it frustrating for me not to be able to make a decision. Please know that your time and wisdom are not wasted on me- process is extremely important to me. I value all the sage advice and skill you offer-far more than necessary on a service like this. I will continue to reach out as this progresses,if you are willing to continue to walk with me through the stages of my decision making process. If not, I certainly understand as clearly there are no easy answers for me here. Obviously do what you can to delete all this please. In the meantime, all the best to you! And by the way, dont stop making your music just because professionally you are a therapist!(mothballed studio) Matter of fact, I would think changing professions would inspire your creativity even more!!. Now the pressure is off of you to make a living with art(which is an awful pressure, believe me, I know) so now you are free to compose and sing,just for the joy of doing so!! Take care
Oh so its money you want- so sorry- thought you were really interested in helping someone. Please pass my questions by in the future to another therapist- I dont have any money for you. return this back and i will give you final rating