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Karin Samms
Karin Samms, Counselor
Category: Relationship
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Experience:  with over 15 years experience offering support with relationship, mental health & addiction issues
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How do I tactfully tell my girlfriend that I think her relationship

Resolved Question:

How do I tactfully tell my girlfriend that I think her relationship with her brother is strange and bothers me. She is 28 and he is 26, and she regularly wants to include him in our activities. Today was our 5 month anniversary and she said she was going to make me dinner. It turns out that she made dinner, but she also brought some over to her brother's house. She asked me to pick her up from college today, and when I hesitated because I'm busy at work, she said she'd ask her brother. She talked about making Valentine's dinner for us and asked if her brother could come over. These are just the examples that I can think of right now, there are plenty of others.

I completely understand maintaining a relationship with one's family, but I just feel that this is going too far. It's almost like he's her boyfriend or something.

Am I way off base on this?

Thanks.
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Karin Samms replied 1 year ago.
Hi there, welcome to Just Answer. I will try and help you with your question.

I'm not sure there is anything going on but perhaps she is just very close to him and doesn't feel confident unless he's around? Some siblings are extremely close and do a lot of things together so she's just including him in her plans - albeit - with you.
If you feel really strongly about it and it makes you feel uncomfortable you may want to talk to her, like you said, as discreetly as you can, as she might become quite defensive and protective of him. I don't think you're in the wrong to be talking to her about this so it may be about finding the right words and convey that, 'as much as you like her brother, that you would really like to spend time alone with her and perhaps he could join you both on another future occasion?' If you felt really bad about her asking her brother coming over on valentines evening, maybe you could explain to her that that night would be for the two of you to have some quality time together and would she mind if he wasn't there? If she reacts badly to this, then you may need to figure out by asking her what it is that is so important for her that her brother has to be included in all of your plans.
i have to say though, that I am aware of siblings that do lots of things together, it's not that its wrong, perhaps it's more 'unhealthy' as its prevents one another from progressing in their respective own lives.

I hope this is helping, do come back to me for further assistance and support if you need it, I'd rather support you as much as possible and receive a positive rating and I'd be more than happy to continue supporting you until you feel satisfied.

Please if you will, kindly take a second to accept my answer if my response has been helpful, however please don't hesitate to come back to me if you need any further clarification. If I have answered your question, kindly rate my service so I may be credited for my time. If you choose to rate me anything less than positive, please do come back to me and I will clarify further or support your query further. Your question will not close and I will continue to support your question.

Kindest Regards, Karin


Karin Samms, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 299
Experience: with over 15 years experience offering support with relationship, mental health & addiction issues
Karin Samms and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Expert:  Karin Samms replied 1 year ago.
Hi V,

Just touching base with you and wondering how you got on with my response. Did you make any final decisions or are you reflecting on things? How did valentine's day go?

I hope all is well with you; you know where I am if you need further assistance or support, just put "Hi Karin.." at the start of any new questions and I will do my best to help you :)

Take care, Karin

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