Thank you for replying so quickly. She has just returned with some shopping, and told me she wants to put it away herself. So I shall let things calm down a little, and take a "break" as you suggest – at least until she comes to say sorry.
Don't expect that to be any time soon, though. She's just chided me for not eating, and when I said, "I was waiting for you," she just said "You didn't need to." I replied with, "We're still having dinner, right?" and she despondently said "Maybe" as she walked away upstairs.
But no, she's on no birth control whatsoever. We always use condoms. I also know her most recent period finished over the weekend.
Well, we've had more of a chat, and it's still not resolved. It began with her telling me how I had frustrated her, and reminding me of how stressed she's been lately. She also accused me of lying again, saying my words had been inherently contraditory (she believes me to have said "I thought we could be spontaneous this evening"), suggesting I'd planned for sex. When I began to explain that my thought to initiate sex HAD been spontaneous - brought about by how gorgeous & bouncy she looked - and that all I'd actually wanted out of this evening was a chat, she scoffed at me distrustfully. Then she started saying, "Anither one?"
She was referring to a recent mealtime chat when I had tried to initiate a talk about a similar subject. Then she had just said she doesn't have time to feel in the moo. So I tried to explain that the talk I want to have isn't so much about the frequency - it's about the quality of the time we spend together immediately after making love, which hasn't happened recently because it's been so late at night (always initiated by her - in fact the last time was at something like 2am, when I had to leave for work at 6am). To this she just said, "Well maybe I'm not the one for you."
There was no reasoning with her. She thought I clearly wanted someone like my ex (who she knows had an insatiable sex drive). I wanted to say, "No - YOU are what I want. I just want you to compromise at least as much as I do for you." But I stopped myself from saying that because of your advice against saying anything that might cause her to feel it's all her fault. So I got up and left her to herself downstairs.
I hate having walked away from her, because I know that's what her ex did to her so many times. But I couldn't see the conversation leading us anywhere. What do I do?
Ever had one of these Q&A chats in real-time before?!