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Ask Jen Helant Your Own Question

Jen Helant
Jen Helant, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1386
Experience:  I have a degree in psychology and worked with many couples. I am happily married and have been for 10 years.
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So theres this guy. Hes a good friend, weve known each other

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So there's this guy. He's a good friend, we've known each other for a year. We lived in different cities, and I eventually ended up having to go to his home city on work. He asked me out and I said yes and we agreed it was a non-serious thing. There was a lot of confusion but we ended up meeting eventually and had a chill time until he abruptly said he had to leave. I was confused, but went along. Anyway for a whole month, he didn't tell me anything about what was going on, avoided any mention of us meeting and was really weird about the whole thing and seemingly normal with everybody else, so I was confused and finall confronted him. It turned out that his grandmother had been hospitalized and died a couple of days after we met. I felt terrible, was immensely apologetic because I'd been so rude in confronting him. Since then things continued to be weird between us. I also struggle with bulimia, so my emotions were all over the place and I ended up being a little clingy and crazy one weekend. And then finally apologized for everything I'd done, when I realized how badly my ED was affecting my relationships and even told him the truth. I've had no word from him since. What do I do?

He may have been going through a lot of stress still, so when you told me about your issue it could have been to much for him, so he backed away. But also it could be a number of things just as how he reacted when his grandmother passed. If I were you I would write him a letter and send via email, mail, or etc. Let him know again how you feel and what you would like to happen in your relationship. In the letter be sure to not blame or judge, but rather write in a concerned manner. Let him also know that you will not continue to contact him since you do not want to pester him, but it is not because you do not care. In doing this it will allow you the opportunity to perfect what you want to say, so everything comes out with the correct meaning. He will also have time to dwell on what you write and not be able to interrupt you. From there it would be best to move on and take care of yourself, so this situation does not cause you anymore stress or cause your eating disorder to flare. If then he does contact you then you can be in a better position rather than worse and reevaluate your situation to see if getting involved is still something you still want to do and if he doesn't contact you then at least you did your part and the letter will serve as some closure for you. I understand how hurtful and abrupt this was, but the fact is everyone has a right to make a mistake in a any relationship. You apologized and was open with him he then disappeared, so you did your part. It seems he has trouble with communicating because he was different with you when his grandmother died rather than letting you know what was going on and now he has disappeared rather than discussing with you what is happening. This is certainly a red flag on his part and I would surely not blame yourself for what is going on.

Please let me know if I can be of further help and I wish you all the best.

I am very confused as to why you rated me poorly. Please let me know if I missed something or misunderstood your question. I want you to get the service you expected and to leave with an answer you are satisfied with. Please provide feedback as to why you are not happy and if you would kindly allow me the opportunity for us to work together until you are satisfied.

I look forward to hearing back from you.

Customer: replied 3 years ago.

Hi Jen, I hit poor service accidentally. I'm incredibly sorry, your answer was helpful and I'd be grateful if you could tell me how to switch that around?


Thank you for getting back to me about this. I am so relieved that my answer did help you. If you now rate this answer here than it will override your other rating.

Thank you so much and I wish you all the best. In the future feel free to come back and follow up with me on this thread even after rating.
Jen Helant and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 3 years ago.

Thank you, Jen. I rated you excellent this time around, please forgive my earlier mistake.

I will follow your advice and hope I can sort things out, in some way. Thank you again

No problem. It is my pleasure to help!

Stay positive and take things one day at a time.

You will be in my prayers.


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