How JustAnswer Works:

  • Ask an Expert
    Experts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional Answer
    Via email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site.
    Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction Guarantee
    Rate the answer you receive.

Ask Jen Helant Your Own Question

Jen Helant
Jen Helant, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1140
Experience:  I have a degree in psychology and worked with many couples. I am happily married and have been for 10 years.
13551071
Type Your Relationship Question Here...
Jen Helant is online now
A new question is answered every 9 seconds

For the last five months Ive been in a romantic relationship

Resolved Question:

For the last five months I've been in a romantic relationship with a woman was already in a relationship with someone. She was ending her previous relationship, we came together and started having essentially and affair while her other relationship ended. We talked about EVERYTHING together. Made plans for a future. When it came time for her to finally end her other relationship, He finally changed back into the man she fell in love with. Still, I waited.
She wasn't sure what she wanted. WHO she wanted. She's gotten back together with him twice now, and neither time she broke up with him did I get the full and open chance to be with her. He's gotten chances again and again.
Now,s he's finally decided that she wants BOTH of us. I'm ok with all aspects of a pol relationship EXCEPT for those involving sex. For her to be physically intimate with another man, even one I like as a person, is very difficult for me to live through. But I love this woman so much. I know her affection for me is entirely genuine.
Instead of having her all to myself, my only option to have her at all is to share her. She won't leave him, despite the issues they had and the fact she was :finished" with him months ago.
So, is there a way I could ever live in this situation? He has a low sex drive. Both her and I share the same sort of level. And I can't believe I'd even consider this. But I...love her so much and the thought of losing her forever, that she never gave me a chance, is tearing me apart in a very terrible way. I can't tell what's worse, walking away or giving this a try?

I can't figure out what to do. Her having sex with another man hurts, but I was able to be intimate with her when we first began everything, BEFORE we realized we were in love. For me, she stopped being intimate with him. But the rules have changed again.
Is it possible for someone mono at heart to live in this situation?
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Jen Helant replied 1 year ago.
Hi,

Welcome back. I am so sorry this is going on. I understand how much you love her and want to be with her, but personally I think you deserve so much more. I do not think it is worth for you to put yourself through this. Yes, the pain of leaving will hurt very badly and will take some time to get past, but you know what you WILL get past it in time even though it seems impossible. This is because you are stuck in this love triangle. You need to free yourself in order to be able to live again. You deserve someone who wants to be with you and only you. She may seem like the perfect girl for you or your soul mate, but if this were true then she would want only you. Sometimes we need to step back and look at it from the outside since our vision can become blurred when we are within. I think it is best for you to spend 2 years of pain getting over her (which would probably be less)than a lifetime of happiness with someone who truly loves you rather than a lifetime of pain and heartache. Sharing her will bring a whole new set of hurt and pain that you are not aware of right now. In my opinion you deserve better someone that will want only you.

Please let me know if I can be of further help. I wish you all the best in your decision.
Jen Helant, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1140
Experience: I have a degree in psychology and worked with many couples. I am happily married and have been for 10 years.
Jen Helant and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you

JustAnswer in the News:

 
 
 
Ask-a-doc Web sites: If you've got a quick question, you can try to get an answer from sites that say they have various specialists on hand to give quick answers... Justanswer.com.
JustAnswer.com...has seen a spike since October in legal questions from readers about layoffs, unemployment and severance.
Web sites like justanswer.com/legal
...leave nothing to chance.
Traffic on JustAnswer rose 14 percent...and had nearly 400,000 page views in 30 days...inquiries related to stress, high blood pressure, drinking and heart pain jumped 33 percent.
Tory Johnson, GMA Workplace Contributor, discusses work-from-home jobs, such as JustAnswer in which verified Experts answer people’s questions.
I will tell you that...the things you have to go through to be an Expert are quite rigorous.
 
 
 

What Customers are Saying:

 
 
 
  • Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help. Mary C. Freshfield, Liverpool, UK
< Last | Next >
  • Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help. Mary C. Freshfield, Liverpool, UK
  • This expert is wonderful. They truly know what they are talking about, and they actually care about you. They really helped put my nerves at ease. Thank you so much!!!! Alex Los Angeles, CA
  • Thank you for all your help. It is nice to know that this service is here for people like myself, who need answers fast and are not sure who to consult. GP Hesperia, CA
  • I couldn't be more satisfied! This is the site I will always come to when I need a second opinion. Justin Kernersville, NC
  • Just let me say that this encounter has been entirely professional and most helpful. I liked that I could ask additional questions and get answered in a very short turn around. Esther Woodstock, NY
  • Thank you so much for taking your time and knowledge to support my concerns. Not only did you answer my questions, you even took it a step further with replying with more pertinent information I needed to know. Robin Elkton, Maryland
  • He answered my question promptly and gave me accurate, detailed information. If all of your experts are half as good, you have a great thing going here. Diane Dallas, TX
 
 
 

Meet The Experts:

 
 
 
  • Dear Debra

    Advice Columnist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1719
    I have been an Advice columnist for 14 years. My column is published weekly in local newpapers.
< Last | Next >
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/DE/deedeeham/2011-1-24_51523_408.64x64.JPG Dear Debra's Avatar

    Dear Debra

    Advice Columnist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1719
    I have been an Advice columnist for 14 years. My column is published weekly in local newpapers.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/formybunch/2010-12-06_191055_img_0975.jpg Kate McCoy's Avatar

    Kate McCoy

    Counselor

    Satisfied Customers:

    1235
    Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/RE/resolutions66/2011-1-17_05728_IMG8202smilingeditedforJustAnswer.64x64.jpg Elliott, LPCC, NCC's Avatar

    Elliott, LPCC, NCC

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1215
    35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/CO/CoachJenK/2012-3-9_31019_Jen.64x64.jpg Coach Jen K.'s Avatar

    Coach Jen K.

    LMSW, CPC

    Satisfied Customers:

    726
    Providing the utmost care and support.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/IN/intrapsyc.com/2012-2-20_161928_RGMTPicturex5002012.64x64.png Rafael M.T.Therapist's Avatar

    Rafael M.T.Therapist

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    549
    MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/HU/hungryjack20/IMG_1281_edit_2.64x64.jpg Dr. L's Avatar

    Dr. L

    Psychologist

    Satisfied Customers:

    349
    Licensed as a Psychologist and Marriage & Family Therapist.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/SU/suzmsw/2011-9-2_184634_Thisone.64x64.JPG Suzanne's Avatar

    Suzanne

    Therapist, LCSW

    Satisfied Customers:

    338
    Experienced in treating trauma, relationship issues, co-dependency
 
 
 
Chat Now With A Counselor
Jen Helant
Jen Helant
Counselor
1140 Satisfied Customers
I have a degree in psychology and worked with many couples. I am happily married and have been for 10 years.