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TherapistMaryAnn, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 5762
Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues
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Im 48 years old, my husband is 52. We have been married for

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Im 48 years old, my husband is 52. We have been married for almost 9 years. We currently live in a large metropolitan area. When we got married, I was hesitant because I am from a small town and never liked the big city much. My husband assured me that when his youngest son graduated, that we'd move back to my home and take it easy. The son graduated 2 years ago and we are still here. At first, my husband said it was because of his job, I could see that, so I stayed. Recently, I lost both of my parents and inherited their home and land back home. It's paid for and the cost of living there is about half of what it is where we currently live. In addition, my husband's job is ending in April. I asked him if we could now go back home. He won't even consider looking around that area. I've already been offered a job there but he still won't even look, yet says he loves me. I am confused. If he loves me, why won't he even consider looking? Should I go? I do love him but I feel betrayed and frankly, like he doesn't love me enough to even try. Please help.
Hello, I'd like to help you with your question.

It sounds like your husband is avoiding going but not giving you a valid reason why. It could be that he is afraid and is too embarrassed to say or that he feels if he goes, he is giving in. Some people feel that it is important to maintain control in a relationship and letting their partner have something they really want is giving up their power.

Basically, your husband is forcing you to make a choice. By not considering your wants and needs in the relationship, he is making you choose between moving back home or being with him. Even if it is completely logical to move back, your husband is staying put because of how he feels.

If you feel that your desire to go home is strong and your reasons are good, then it may be worth telling your husband that you want to go, with or without him. But before you do this, try to ask him if he is willing to go to therapy with you for one last try. If he refuses, there is not much you can do. Hopefully he will realize you are serious and be willing to consider moving. But if not, it is completely your choice as to what you want to do. You deserve to be happy as well and you have given your husband what he wanted for years. Now it is your turn.

I hope this has helped you,
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