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Jen Helant
Jen Helant, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1137
Experience:  I have a degree in psychology and worked with many couples. I am happily married and have been for 10 years.
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How do you break up with someone you love

Resolved Question:

How do you break up with someone you love
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Jen Helant replied 1 year ago.
Hi,

I would like to help. May I ask why you are wanting to break up with him if he is a terrific guy. This can help me to give you more accurate advice.

Thanks,
Jennifer
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

Recently I had surgery and before that we saw each other only on the days my ex husband have our children I don't want any help raising my children I like living with just them. But while I was on the mend from my surgery my children stayed with their father so he wanted me to stay at his place to help me get back on my feet. Now I'm back home and I miss him terribly and i cant feel like this our two worlds can not come together and I would rather be alone then feel like this. I cant bring myself to do it

Expert:  Jen Helant replied 1 year ago.
Hi,

I understand how you feel for wanting to raise your children living with them alone. However, sometimes we want to end things that are truly good for us because we think it can not work when in actuality it can. Since you are not wanting to break up not because you are afraid to hurt him, but rather because you actually do care for him and like him a lot then you may want to consider if staying together is an option. It just sounds like you missed him so much and you said he is a terrific guy, so I would hate for you to lose something special due to not discussing it with him. Of course, if you truly want to break with him then that is what you need to do because you know more about the situation than I do. The way to break up is to be honest with him. Let him know how wonderful you think he is and how much you are going to miss him, but the difference in both your worlds make it a challenge. Due to this challenge of the differences this hurts you, so you rather be alone instead. In this situation honesty is the best thing. He will be hurt anyway if he cares for you, but at the same time he will appreciate your honesty. If you stay not wanting to then it can cause more damage for both of you.

Lastly, I just wanted to add that sometimes when things hurt us or is difficult we prefer to just leave it or be alone. I respect that and can certainly understand why you feel this way. I just want to encourage you to think about this thoroughly and be sure it is for the right reasons because you seem to like him a lot , but since I do not know details about your different worlds you know what is best. However, if you decide to not break up I think you should express your feelings and concerns with him in order to see if the both of you can work something out. Express how you want to raise your children alone and not live together, so you wanted to end it due to this and etc, but you think he is wonderful. Therefore you wanted to get his thoughts on it in order to see what can be worked out and for him to know what he faces if you both were to stay together.

Please let me know if I can help further and I wish you there very best.
Jen Helant, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1137
Experience: I have a degree in psychology and worked with many couples. I am happily married and have been for 10 years.
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