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Dr. Paige
Dr. Paige, Psychologist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1427
Experience:  Ph.D. Licensed Psychologist
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My bf just moved here from out of state. Before he got here

Customer Question

My bf just moved here from out of state. Before he got here everyday he would tell me he loved me and send me messages every day. I was so in love because we have been friends for years and we finally started dating officially last year and have been pretty much long distance for most of that time. I drove 600 miles to get him , halfway home he starts talking about how much he doesn't want a relationship and how he prefers to be alone. I let it slide because the circumstances of the move. I was upset but I tried to give him space but then he started saying he needed more space and wanted to be left alone. He would get angry if I walked into my bedroom. finally he told me that he wanted to go back home and that I had to take him. I had to take money set aside for bills to drive him back. He told me that I was toxic to him since our friendship was based upon pain and that he didn't even know if he wanted to know me. I don't argue with him or do anything so that threw me. He said that I am boring. I work 11-12 hour days to make sur ehe and my kids have a roof and he has a special diet so I am forever buying food. I'm tired. The straw that broke me was when he started talking about my appearrance and making references to different women. When I drove him back he was going to stay with another woman. I was prepared to let him go when he called and said that it didnt work out and was going to a shelter. I brought him back with me but now I am just lost. we don't talk period. we don't argue we only see each other when I come in the room to go to bed. I feel so alone and sad. A friend of mine told me he was treating me badly at first because he thought he had options. Now he doesn't , there is just me. I don't know what to do. He finally started working but he put me in a real financial bind. Im so much in debt its unreal and I don't have a clue how to come out of it. Please what am I doing wrong. My self esteem is shot. I blame myself for everything now because he blames me.
Submitted: 3 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Dr. Paige replied 3 years ago.
Hello. This man is clearly using you. Regardless of your feelings for him, he is treating you very badly. Your self esteem is not based on what another individual has done but how you feel about yourself. You really should leave him be and to take care of himself. I agree with your friend in that he had options, so he didn't need you. I would highly suggest that you end this relationship with him. It is very clear that he is not interested in caring for you the way you need to be. You should be very angry about this and not sad and upset. While your debt is a real problem, the chances he will help you with it doesn't seem very high. In fact, if he has the chance to make things worse for you, it sounds as though that is the path he would choose. He is the toxic person to stay away from here before he bleeds you dry of your finances and anything else. You deserve better.

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