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Dear Debra
Dear Debra, Advice Columnist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1820
Experience:  I have been an Advice columnist for 14 years. My column is published weekly in local newpapers.
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I am a 20 year old young lady. I have a good job and make a

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I am a 20 year old young lady. I have a good job and make a lot of money. I have recently found out my boyfriend of 3 years has kidney failure. And he will have to have more then one kidney transplant in his lifetime.I am sad confused ect. He and I are having so many issues because of this. I guess our relationship has gone south. I wanna save it. So how do I.Also what time or at what point should i leave this relationship? And am i selfish for being scared and wanting to leave him because im so young. And I fee like this will hold me back from my dreams e ct. And what can or should I be doing to can i do to save my relationship and help him get through this tough time in his life? I wanna marry him but I am so scared. All my life ive been Independence and always made the tough choices. This time i'm lost. Please help me. Also I need you guys because he isnt the type to like counseling .He thinks he is mr. Perfect. And is it wrong for me to want marriage from him? And is it wrong for me not to give him a kidney? He is mad at me right now about that. He said i'm selfish so am I ?!
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Dear Debra replied 1 year ago.

Deardebra : Your going through all normal emotions.
Deardebra : You just found out
Deardebra : that the person you love has health issues.
Deardebra : You are worried scared because he needs a transplant. This is a lot to take in.
Deardebra : Asking someone to give up there kidney is a big decision. You are in no way selfish not to do that.
Deardebra : That is not an easy decision to make.
Deardebra : There is nothing wrong with you wanting to marry him you love him.
Deardebra : I do not think you should leave the relationship. You love him and want to marry him. But it is hard to look at the future knowing about his health.
Customer: But I need to know what to do to save my relationship. And what to do to be supporting whiles he's going through this .
Deardebra : You want to be honest with him and tell him how you feel.
Deardebra : He is going through a lot and he needs to know you are there for him.
Customer: Plus his mother agreed with him I was wrong for not giving him my kidney her and I haven't great relationship. Plus my bf is suing the dr for malpractice so he is getting millions in the settlemt and I think she's after that money or some of it she's a greedy selfish women who uses men.
Customer: But I have and he's mad at me about it. And we are about to break up over me not wanting to give just a bf a kidney
Customer: How do I do that for him
Deardebra : That is a very big decision to make.
Customer: Your not telling me what I can do to help my relationship
Deardebra : I noticed you rated me poor service I am here to help and solve your problems but I need as much information possible to help you.
Deardebra : If you agreed to donate a kidney you have to be compatible with blood type.
Customer: No I didn't. That's what's hurting us right now.
Customer: I gave u all the information I have
Deardebra : I am going to answer all your question and help you, I dn't understand why you keep rating my service as poor. I need time to give you advice. Once I am done answering all your question could you please change your rating.
Deardebra : What you want to do is tell him how you feel tell him you are scared. Explain that this would be a big decison for your life and you also might not be a match to be a kidney donor. I want you to undrestand he is scared and needs a kidney transplant he has no choice when it comes to the decisions he has to make. He knows you love him, but he is trying to understand why you will not do this for him because you love him.
Deardebra : You both are fighting because he is going through something that is effecting his life. He has a serious health issue and he need to make a fast decision.
Deardebra : How do you save your relationship you have to be their for him, understand what he is going through. Tell him you want to marry him someday and tell him you love him. Explain that you will be there for him to get him through this difficult time in his life, but you need time to think about donating a kidney.
Deardebra : Explain that you love him, but he should understand if you do not want to donate a kidney and let you make this decsion.
Deardebra : It is very hard for you to just decide to change your life and donate a kidney.
Deardebra : His mother has got involved and she should not be judging you in anyway because this is your life to and this is your decision. Love is about understanding.
Deardebra : Right now he is having trouble with undersanding why you will not do thid for him, but he also has to think about how this effects your life. If you feel that you can not express your feelings to him face to face. you can write him a letter telling him how you feel. Explain that you love him and you need time to think. This is something you just found out and you nedd time to process what he is goign through.
Deardebra : Right now he can not express how he feels because he knows he needs to make a major decison in his life.
Deardebra : This is why support is major right now. I feel that him just knowing you are there for him will help get him through this difficult time.
Deardebra : I'm sure he is afraid to lose you and he is scared that he will be going through this alone. When you have health isses you go through so many emotions.
Deardebra : He is going to be sad, upset, angry, confused. He is going to have many questions on why he has to go through this in his life.
Deardebra : He would be very fustrated that he is going through this in his life.
Deardebra : I strongly suggest writing him a letter to tell him how you feel because you do not want to in any way argue back and forth about such a life changing desicion. I do not feel he is mad at you, he is just upset that this is something he has no control over. In life you make decisions every day and you have choices. He has no choice when it comes to this decision. He has to rely on someone else to save his life. I'm sure he is scared and he needs you in his life. You want to be there for him, but he needs to know that you are going to be there for him.
Deardebra : You want to tell him that you will be there for him.
Customer: Ty
Dear Debra, Advice Columnist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1820
Experience: I have been an Advice columnist for 14 years. My column is published weekly in local newpapers.
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