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Dr.G., Psychologist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1474
Experience:  Licensed Psychologist in the state of Minnesota
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Girlfriend of 1 yr broke up with me month ago.said she was

Customer Question

Girlfriend of 1 yr broke up with me month ago.said she was hurt everytime we fought and i won't talk to her for 3 days. said she didn't feel the same anymore. I also work with this woman.
Submitted: 3 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Dr.G. replied 3 years ago.
Hello, I'd like to help. I am sorry to hear you are going through this. Break-ups are always hard to deal with and understand. What can I help you with today?
Customer: replied 3 years ago.

what more info do you need

Expert:  Dr.G. replied 3 years ago.
Are you wondering how to manage this situation because you work with her? Do you still want to be in the relationship? Are you happy the relationship is over?
Customer: replied 3 years ago.

i still want to be in a relationship with her! It is also hard working with her when i know things are not the same

Expert:  Dr.G. replied 3 years ago.
Ok. Thank you. Is she open to reconciling the relationship at all? Do you still talk in any personal capacity (outside of work)?
Customer: replied 3 years ago.

we don't talk outside of work. she is friendly to me at work one day, and the next day she ignores me.

Expert:  Dr.G. replied 3 years ago.
Ok. It sounds to me that she is probably finished with the relationship. She gave you some very valuable information that I recommend you take some time to think about. As she stated that she was hurt every time you fought and that you won't talk to her for 3 days. If it was true that you would not speak to her for three days this is something you probably want to work on in future relationships. This is called "stonewalling" and at some level is emotionally abusive towards a partner and often indicative of immaturity OR of a person lacking in communication skills/conflict resolution skills. Not talking to your partner for three days after a fight leaves them feeling hurt and wondering if the relationship is even still "On". I don't know if this is possible, but perhaps you could ask her for another chance if you agreed to going to counseling together or individually and that you would work on the problem discussed above with communication. What are your thoughts on this?
Customer: replied 3 years ago.

i guess you are right ! I'll give it some time and see what happens.

Expert:  Dr.G. replied 3 years ago.
Good deal. I wish you the best of luck. In the meantime, acting cordially toward her at work is all you can really do, which you probably are already. I'm sure that seeing her at work while you still care for her is especially difficult. I'm not sure how often you must see or interact with each other at work, but if possible, work at a different time, avoid seeing her if you can, and if you do see her, try to focus on something else, tell yourself that you too will get through this and that if you really care about her and her feelings you will allow her the time apart as she's requested. I hope everything works out for you. If you have any other questions, please let me know. Thank you for your question.

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