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Jen Helant
Jen Helant, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1124
Experience:  I have a degree in psychology and worked with many couples. I am happily married and have been for 10 years.
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Hi Jen, how youve been? Last weekend (particularly on Saturday)

Resolved Question:

Hi Jen,
how you've been? Last weekend (particularly on Saturday) during my tax seminar, I saw his car merging into the lane on my right. He's 2 cars away. Imagine the coincidence? But not only that the even bigger coincidence is that, when I got lost, I ended up going south on 5 Fwy because I was forced to turn right only. So I took the next exit, now, my mapquest is off. I tried to turn back to where I was so I can continue following my mapquest map, it took about 35 minutes before I recovered my route. Believe it or not (coincidence #2) as I was waiting for the arrow to turn green, his car was in the opposite direction going back waiting for his light to turn green. My arrow went green first but it's a "no u-turn" to Reef Cliff so I have to turn left to that street and u-turn in there so I can get to the opposite direction. After I turned left, his light went green, so when I was able to u-turn I was right behind him. I couldn't believe it. This is the biggest coincidence ever in my whole life. I have to get out of that lane bec I was too shocked with the circumstances. And I'm pretty 100% sure that was his car, it even has the "support our troops" sticker on it.
Until now I cannot comprehend why. The first encounter is already a coincidence, but the 2nd encounter is just unbelievable. I prayed to get this out of my memory bec it's way beyond my strength to comprehend, I cannot believe it and i want to forget it. It's giving me goose bumps.
I am trying to leave him alone for the moment but that sign was overwhelming to me.
Anyway, just to let you know that I haven't really 100% dumped him in my mind. I just put him aside right now, I can't totally forget him. I have so much invested like time and emotion to just let it go away like that.
But I'm focused on work and catching up my back log and my tax classes.
Please let me know 2 things: (1) Your comment on that big coincidence with crossing paths with his car two times and (2) Let me know if that's okay to not let him go yet but put him in "hibernate" mode until I know how to deal with my feelings for him. Thanks.
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Jen Helant replied 1 year ago.

Hi,

 

I have been good. Thank you for asking. I hope you have been well after everything you been through plus tax time.

 

Wow that really were some coincidences. Some people think these things mean something and others just see it as a coincidence, so it really depends on ones beliefs. Either way that was something else especially that you have been through with this situation and Noe you trying to keep him to the side. Then this happens to make you remember again. It is shocking and I could imagine how you felt about it. That was really something else.

 

There is nothing wrong at all about putting him in "hibernation" mode until you are ready to deal with it getting past him. You are busy right now and sometimes we either are too busy or not yet ready to deal with things. If it is something that does not need to be dealt with immediately then there is nothing wrong with it. I think you made a good decision in not dealing with it asap. It is best to make decisions when we are best prepared as well as deal with our feelings about certain situations. When some things are painful we need to put them aside for a little. Sometimes we then never need to deal with them because we end up dealing with them naturally, but other issues we do need to deal with within ourselves do take more work. As long as we do that in a reasonable amount of time where it does not bother us or anyone else then there is nothing wrong with taking a "break" from all of our many emotions. Sometimes we do need that in life.

 

 

Stay well in this busy tax time and I'll be here whenever you need! Have a wonderful weekend

Jen Helant, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1124
Experience: I have a degree in psychology and worked with many couples. I am happily married and have been for 10 years.
Jen Helant and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

Hi Jen,


I wrote a poem and I want to send it to Kent. I would like to see if this is a good closure if even I'll be done with him. He has a job where he is employed and he just works on our computers on the side bec he was recommended to my boss.


 


Here it goes, let me know what you think.


 


"For all the months you've rescued me,


from every network calamity,


I thank you much with sincere heart,


You've always, always done your part."


 


"When you don't answer my email,


I just assume computers fail,


I know you won't just ignore me,


You're not like that, will never be."


 


"Forgive me if I track you down,


to send card to your workplace town,


I'll try most anything I can


You're my amazing Superman!"


 


"Your tastes, your choices are the best,


Nothing compares from all the rest,


I really love the work you do,


And I can always count on you."


 


"I wish to be more than a friend


I wish there were no rules to bend


I wish you open up to me


I wish you trust what I can be."


 


"It takes more than a card like this


to show our thanks that you exist,


Our office is happy to have you,


We all love you, we do, we do!"


 


Let me know what you think, please. I want to tell him that he's always done his part, but I also want to stand up for all the emails that he did not reply to. I don't want him to get mad that I track down his work address. I want to surprise him, give him a lightning bolt. I wish to tell him that I've wanted something if there weren't rules. I also want him to know that I appreciate if he will open up to me instead of being quiet. Tell me exactly what's in his mind and I hope he can trust me.


 


Please let me know what you think Thanks.

Expert:  Jen Helant replied 1 year ago.
Hi,
Based on what you said that you want to relay in your messages I think some are relayed while others maybe a bit vague. First it seems that you are writing from the office, so he may take the poem a little lighter and less personal than you are wanting, but this is fine it just depends what you want to be sent across. You are telling him that he has always done is part and touch on that he never responded to your emails. You also made it clear on that you do not want him to think why or how you tracked him down. You are surprising him and letting him know things would be different if there weren't any rules. I do see you want him to trust you. However, the message has a little bit of a mixed message or should I say subliminal message lol...but that may be what you want or not. I am just letting you know just in case. Its like a nice appreciative office email from everyone, but at the same time you have some personl lines in there that can confuse him and throw him off guard leaving him unsure or maybe sure depending how much he reads into it. So all in all this poem can be very good or not it just really depends what type of way you are wanting to relay this message.
Customer: replied 1 year ago.


Forget what I said as what I am meaning to say. Please tell me exactly what you think it all meant. I just wish to know what message I am sending. So just forget what I said what I meant to say. Please if you have the time to just tell me what my poem is trying to relate. Thanks so much for being there. I really owe you. Thanks for being there, you are the only one who knows all my secrets.

Expert:  Jen Helant replied 1 year ago.
Sure, no problem! It is my pleasure.

I would think that you really liked my work and the entire office was also feeling the same. However, I would think that you liked me more than just a co worker and you are letting me know that. I may feel that it is a little strange that you tracked me down, but would be impressed. Maybe a little confused since it mentions the entire office, but also states your personal feelings. Also, a little surprised to see that you want to be more than friends, but maybe a little confused since it mentions mostly about the work done. In any case it would be clear that you like my work and do like me more than just my work due to the second to last paragraph. That one is the kicker that can through him off track. It turns from appreciating his work to some personal feelings. This is what could through him off, but I think he would get the message that you liked him and want him to open up to you. He also may link all of your previous actions and things can start making sense to him if he was unsure before.
Jen Helant, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1124
Experience: I have a degree in psychology and worked with many couples. I am happily married and have been for 10 years.
Jen Helant and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 1 year ago.


Hi Jen,


I sent the card to Kent. The one above. I wrote it by hand, not typewritten, not email, I did it with my own handwriting on a card and sent it to his work. He replied today and said:


"Even though it did make me a little uncomfortable receiving that, it was very clever of you and it seemed like you put a lot of time into it.


Anyways, I sure hope I didn't hurt your feelings and I hope you are having a great holiday weekend!"


I wish ask him why he said: "I sure hope I didn't hurt your feelings"


Should I ask him? Bec I don't know why he said that. I also want to apologize for making him uncomfortable.


Please answer me when you get the chance,

Expert:  Jen Helant replied 1 year ago.
Hi,

My guess of why he said that could be maybe cause he left the office or even spoke about his wife...not to sure. If you really want to know you can ask, but he could take it as you are reading into things. In any case you have that right because that was a huge part of the message since it was short. If he said it cause he left the office and you ask then he may feel as if " oh I guess i didn't hurt your feelings, so you must not like me as much" or he may just take it as you really like him, but are a strong woman, so your feelings are not hurt that easily. Just some things to think about. However, its hard to say since we really dont know why he said that, so it wouldn't hurt to ask along with apologizing for making him feel uncomfortable. At least you have something else to say as well and not that all by itself.
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

Just retyping what he replied through email:


 


"Even though it did make me a little uncomfortable receiving that, it was very clever of you and it seemed like you put a lot of time into it.


Anyways, I sure hope I didn't hurt your feelings and I hope you are having a great holiday weekend!"


 


His reply above was sent to me through email. Maybe by letting you know it's an email message, you will have a more accurate interpretation and it will be easier for you to decipher. Just tell me your thoughts, anything positive or negative or neutral about "I sure hope I didn't hurt your feelings" phrase. Thanks.

Expert:  Jen Helant replied 1 year ago.
I think pretty much same thing because I did imagine it was email. I think he now knows you liked/like him for sure, so maybe he felt he may have hurt your feelings when:

1. He spoke about his wife in past to you even though you liked him.
2. Didn't email you back before.
3. He is now working at another place and doesn't see you as often.
4. The fact that he has a wife.

That's pretty much what comes to my mind when he says that he hopes he didn't hurt your feelings. But you know what is in his mind can be totally different since he has been on the reserved side and been difficult to get him to open up, but these are the things that I would definitely consider as options.
Jen Helant, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1124
Experience: I have a degree in psychology and worked with many couples. I am happily married and have been for 10 years.
Jen Helant and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you

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