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Dear Debra
Dear Debra, Advice Columnist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1852
Experience:  I have been an Advice columnist for 14 years. My column is published weekly in local newpapers.
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Hello, you helped me before. Im 33 and newbie to sex. I feel

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Hello, you helped me before. I'm 33 and newbie to sex. I feel great. Should have done it earlier. Both poor; work in warehouse; waited 2 mos for sex. He seemed to work slowly as you said. Is straightforward and has proved himself in his honesty thus far. Married with kids but not at home. I understand this situation. He walks to my desk after 2 mos and puts arm around shoulder in front of people. Has put his head to mine at my desk. I think he is marking me in front of others but not sure. Since we both don't have money we live with friends or relatives. He told me after 3 wks that he wanted to test himself. The next day he was over (we work graveyard) and has been over every other day? He says he is not in love with me or doesn't love me but is physically attracted to me. I understand that as I don't love him but could if we could get to know each other somehow. He says all that but cant stay away from me and shows up where I am at every day or every other day. So much for testing. I don't understand this part. Is it just lust or is he testing via sex and conversation if the relationship has a place to go? Now he wants to get a motel for all day. Has asked me 3 times. Says wants to get to know me. Wants to come over again tonight. If he is testing himself and me what is he actually doing? He loves to be around me. I'm a sounding board, make no judgments, nor do I ask digging questions. His business. I don't probe. I'm type B mostly; he is type A, blue collar, brash, smart, friendly to folks. Wish we all had decent jobs. He did not like the fact that another man was talking to me who was standing behind me but he never said a word. It was reported to me. One night he was so concerned that this other person said something about him (re being married) that he was so concerned he came to visit me in a.m. and wanted to know if I was all right. (???) I have been apprised about a married man situation. Am confused about his intent. Is it strictly physical since he wants to get a motel room even though we have been having it in his truck. Please keep me on the straight path. Carrie


Deardebra :

Why don't we start with the part where he said he is not in love or love you but has an attraction too you.

Deardebra :

You also do not love him. Some times it takes time to develop these feelings of love has the connection gets stronger.

Deardebra :

Right now you both are attracted to each other.

Deardebra :

Some people can have an instant attraction to someone, while others have claimed to fall in love the minute they met.

Deardebra :

Everyone is different when it comes to loving someone.

Deardebra :

He also might not be telling his true feelings. I wonder about this because he has openly showed affection in front of people.

Deardebra :

You mentioned about him coming to your desk, putting his head on yours, arm around you. This just means he is clearly stating to others that he has feelings for you.

Deardebra :

I feel he is developing feelings for you and him always saying he is testing himself, is him trying to see what his feelings truly are for you. He wants to see if this is a physical attraction or if there is more to the relationship.

Deardebra :

When he came to visit you in the a.m. to see if you were alright, that is someone that cares more than the physical attraction.

Deardebra :

He was concerned this means he cares. I would tell him how you feel, I feel he is very honest about how he feels, but little things tells me he is developing feelings for you.

Deardebra :

I would take things slow and get to know each other.

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