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Ryan LCSW, Relationships
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 872
Experience:  Professional therapist
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Hello, So I have been arguing with my GF about a certain

Customer Question


So I have been arguing with my GF about a certain subject. I just want a professional opinions on this.

My question is. When the opposite sex comments on me on a social network site stating that they cannot keep staring at my artwork and I reply back saying keep staring, is that so wrong? My gf thinks its disrespectful to her because im joking back. I understand she says it may open doors for them and may make them feel special. I cant control how people take things. And I know I close my doors to the opposite sex already. Im very happy and in love with my woman. I respect her and do what it takes to make her happy. I don’t even talk to people online. I usually just say thank you. But because I say “keep staring” she takes it as im disrespecting her. I don’t think so at all. Im honored for people to stare at my work and would love the whole world to stare at my work. I would jokingly say that to anyone on a social network. But why am I at fault as it seems from her point of view. I I think she has an insecurity about this. I don’t see nothing wrong with showing my appreciation back to anyone, guy or girl. But every time its a girl she confronts me. How come not a guy? She says she knows I have good intentions and knows im not interested in these girls. But she says females take things differently. I cannot control people reactions or feelings. We can control ours. And to fight and argue over petty things like this makes me feel like im such a bad person by disrespecting her.

Making my woman is most important of course. Not others. But I don’t see a wrong in showing the appreciation back to anyone guy or girl. Is that so wrong? Im a positive and a happy person that does joke around. I noticed now I don’t as much because of my gf not like me doing that. So I don’t. Its because I respect her feelings and I am trying to make her happy as well. I don’t understand why she cannot see the big picture and know my true intentions. I don’t care for any woman but her. I don’t even have female friends because she doesn’t want that either. I don’t care for that though which im ok with. But I really think she has an insecurity.

She also had mentioned possibly she should have come to me first instead of just reacting. I think her approach can be very attacking. She has the issue with me. Its not just a concern and easily talked out. She will feel so hurt and and tell me im just disrespecting her and then we get this whole big argument. Defending each others points of views. In my opinion we both have valid points of views and we should both take the time to listen. I guess its not that easy.

I just need help and some advice. Thank you very much for your time.
Submitted: 4 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Ryan LCSW replied 4 years ago.
Thanks for your question. My name is Ryan and I'd like to help you out.

While I'm sure your girlfriend has good intentions it sounds like this problem is a result of her insecurities rather than something you have done wrong. If you are feeling like you can't be yourself at times because she will be offended, that is a sign that something isn't right. In a situation like this she needs to trust your intentions, and as long as you are not purposely leading someone on, or joking in a way that would be misleading in a romantic way, there is nothing wrong with being yourself and joking around with anyone male or female. In the example you gave, it doesn't sound like there was anything inappropriate that was said.

I respect that you are doing your best to be respectful of her feelings, so much so that you are avoiding doing harmless things like joking around with people for fear of her reaction. In reality, as long as you both have trust in each other, then you should both be free to joke and interact with whoever you want so long as nothing inappropriate going on. As long as you're just being a friendly guy, there is no need to adjust your behavior just because there may be a female out there who may take something the wrong way. If that's the case, the assumption would be that you would handle that situation appropriately, and that would be the end of that.

Overall it comes down to her having trust in you and your intentions. She is taking it personally, but this is an issue that would normally be unrelated to a person's relationship. You are obviously not trying to disrespect her. As long as you are devoted to her and she believes that, then you shouldn't have to interact with people any differently than you normally would since your intentions are good and your heart is in the right place. I definitely wish you the best with all of this, and if there's anything else I can do to help please let me know.

Customer: replied 4 years ago.

So I even sent her the question I asked you. She was extremely upset and said I didnt ask the question. I suggested the answer. Did i?????

Expert:  Ryan LCSW replied 4 years ago.
My understanding was that the basic question is: Should you feel guilty or wrong for joking around with females as long as it is not in a romantic or flirting way?

The answer to the question is that there is nothing wrong with joking around, especially if that is a normal part of your personality. If she were to allow you to be yourself would be a sign of a strong and trusting relationship. Her expecting you to act differently because an innocent action makes her uncomfortable is a troubling sign. If your girlfriend doesn't trust that you can joke around with people appropriately, that is more of a sign of her insecurities or lack of trust, rather than something you are doing wrong.
Customer: replied 4 years ago.

Yes thats the question.


But from what I wrote to you she felt Im lying and trying to make myself feel better. Saying I made myself like an angel and her the bad girl. I think shes an amazing woman but we are talking about this issue and how i feel. We all have feelings and this is what I tell her. im not lying to anyone and I just want questions and this is how if feel. Is my question wrong? She says i want fake happiness by making her look bad? The question is towards the issue not about how awesome she is.

Expert:  Ryan LCSW replied 4 years ago.
I can't say whether or not you're lying to make yourself feel better, but either way, the answer to your question remains the same. Perhaps you framed it in a way that she didn't like, but that doesn't change the answer. I'm not sure this question has anything to do with making her look bad or how awesome she is, because she obviously means a lot to you since you are here trying to make this work. It was just a general relationship question that you needed to solve. All the best,
Expert:  Ryan LCSW replied 4 years ago.
Hey there, I never heard back from you so I hope that I was able to help you out. If there's anything else I can do to help just let me know, otherwise if you wouldn't mind leaving me a positive review for my time I'd really appreciate it. Thanks.


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