thank you so much for your response. This is concise, rational and enlighting information, I appreciate you giving it this much thought and explaining the complexity. My heart has slowed down 40 beats per minute since reading this.
Im not sure what I will do next. I did let her know I would willingly work with her on helping both of them and me in the end. I have worked with her on a plan for the past few years. Once we were together full time we discussed the same path, however he kept circumventing me and she continued to fall into his traps. He in itself is not the worst of my dilema, I told her she was because she kept getting off the plan. Thats when the trouble started, I lost my respect for her because she chose abuse rather than the unconditional love we shared, and I mean that , in every other way it was unconditional between both of us. We both came out of very Nassisstic marriages, I went for counseling for two years, she didnt, and it is still a problem for her since shes still a codependant.
Tell me why though she has thrown him out previously 3-4 times (shes let him back each time after hes got into trouble or could fend for himself), recognises the problem, is completely frustrated
As you know, once respect is lost, intimacy declines and I could not support her emotionally, attentively or intimately like I did before. Im sure she felt that as well. Thats where the other guy came in obviously! He fed here what she needed.
I really should have tried harder perhaps but the cycle just kept repeating itself. then she started commenting on me and I at times I felt insecure and withdrew further. This was a clear sign to me that I was not being true to myself and my emotional health, so I had to stand up for my emotional well being. I am so sad, what to do now.
I have felt so relieved emotionally about not being in that house hold since I left the house, he made my hair stand up just pulling into the driveway, I never new if there would be peace or termoil day to day, minute to minute.
Not being with my wife is very hard to take, and I would like to find some resolve to healing that, not sure how to go about reconciling with her though.