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Aislin C
Aislin C, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 5
Experience:  Masters degree in Marriage and Family Therapy specializing in Alternative lifestyle and parent of two teenagers
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Wife got caught up at the tail end of an assumable mortgage

Customer Question

Wife got caught up at the tail end of an assumable mortgage scam and had judgement against her for $89,000. I told her not to get involved and that I wanted nothing to do with it but she went ahead anyway. She has no money of her own and a teachers salary and she thinks I should pay for this as it will show alot about how I view our relationship. We haven't got along very well over the last 6months. Should I be paying this as a husband even though I adamantly insisted against it?
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Aislin C replied 1 year ago.

Aislin C :

HelloCustomer

Aislin C :

I can try to help answer your question if you like.

Aislin C :

First of all, there are a couple of questions i would ask. Is your name also on this assumable mortgage, or is it just hers? I will admit i am not familiar as to how these types of mortgages work, but the fact that she did this against your judgement is merely a symptom of a much larger problem. You say that you have not been getting along for the past 6 months. Have you considered getting into couples therapy? Finances are a normal area in which many couples disagree and argue and often times therapy can help resolve some of these issues.

Aislin C :

However, that doesn't answer your initial question. If your name is XXXXX XXXXX this mortgage than by not paying it you are also damaging your own credit. I do find it interesting that she states that by you paying it you are proving how you value the relationship and yet she did not take the same into consideration when she didn't listen to your concerns about not getting into this in the first place. A major issue and one that is indicative of other problems with the relationship. And yet, we all make mistakes and while this is a huge mistake to make it is one that will require your help if you wish the marriage to work. It will involve a conscious decision to forgive, make a commitment to work on the marriage and a willingness to seek therapy to work on the bigger underlying issues. These are decisions that both must be willing to make together. If that is something that you can not see yourself doing then you might want to speak with an attorney to see what your options are. I hope that you find this response helpful.

Customer:

My name is XXXXX XXXXX the mortgage. I wanted nothing to do with it as I considered it fraudulent and didn't want the risk, or reward. We have considered couples therapy but she does feel that it would be the beginning of the end to do this. I have told her that I will pay out her creditor but that that she needs to take accountability for this mistake and pay me back these funds over the next many years. I don't feel she should have no consequences for such a poor choice that I wanted nothing to do with.

Aislin C :

i agree with you however i am assuming your finances are joint or am i mistaken? Couples therapy for many is threatening because one partner always feels like they are going to be ganged up on, but a good, reputable therapist would work hard to help both partners feel comfortable and supported while also approaching hard issues with an objective and non-threatening stance. I would start by doing a search online for therapists in your area and pay particular attention to reviews. Have her help you in the process and maybe she wont feel as threatened that way. Also, you could make it as part of the requirement, or terms, of you helping her to pay back her debt and keeping the marriage together. In the end, you have to be comfortable with whatever decisions you make and only you can decide how much effort you want to put into the process and only she can do the same. You cant make her go any more than you can make her try harder, but the issues here are more than just her doing something that you made clear you were against. There is a major communication issue that it sounds like you have tried to resolve on your own with very little success.

Customer:

Thanks, XXXXX XXXXX talking with a lawyer today, will likley have some hard decisions to make following that.

Aislin C :

its never easy. I have been through that process myself. I recommend speaking more with your wife as well. Let her know that your marriage is in serious jeopardy and see how she responds.

Aislin C :

i hope that i have been at least a little helpful. Please let me know if there is anything else that i can do for you.

Customer:

Yes you have been helpful, or as helpful as possible for a complicated relationship. Much appreciated

Aislin C, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 5
Experience: Masters degree in Marriage and Family Therapy specializing in Alternative lifestyle and parent of two teenagers
Aislin C and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Expert:  Aislin C replied 1 year ago.
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