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ben0308
ben0308, Social Worker
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 41
Experience:  Over 30 years of experience in working with relationship issues
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Hi I hope someone can help as I never get a proper response,

Customer Question

Hi I hope someone can help as I never get a proper response, I wondered why someone would speak sometimes to you but other times ignore you and look at me so serious and hardly talk,it's a guy that acts like this, he use to be friend but fell out and now he acting all strange??
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  ben0308 replied 1 year ago.

ben0308 :

Hello, I will try to help you as best I can. I am sorry you are experiencing this situation with your friend. Have you tried talking to him about how his behavior is concerning to you and strange? Perhaps he is feeling awkward and uncomfortable for various reasons. Perhaps he is afraid of his own feelings he may have towards you and not sure how to deal with them and so he goes back and forth meaning wanting to talk to you and be friendly and then gets afraid and backs off. What are your thoughts?

Customer: Well the falling out was bad if am honest we was very close as friends, I have bf him gf and someone said I said me and him were having affair when I never did, he obviously went mad but that was ages ago, I feel he thinks am weird as reckon he believed it, it's odd though, he type of guy who wants to be liked and guess after bad mouthing me talking to me make him look odd if makes sense. But he talks work related obviously but a college course am doing he even advised me about this but now really quiet when ask for advice, he talks when teasing me but that it then next day blank me again it's odd
Customer: Hello
Customer: Hi is anyone there??
Customer: Hi u there
ben0308 :

Yes I am here OK so it sound like there has been some outside interference that may have skewed his opinion some and now he is not sure. If you are able to have a heart to heart talk with him and try to be honest and open with him that may be best thing to do right now and see how he responds. He may need to regain your trust again. I am going to have to sign off for now but will be available later on. Let me know if I can be of further assistance to you. Thank you very much

Customer: Thing is it happened at work where I know him from and I did chat initially after and said ok but now he like this one moment fine next not, others got involved yes but I got told by manager keep head down which I did and stayed away from him for bout 7 months but then he started staring again and lingering when he saw me canteen, then gradulay chatted but now quiet again with me, I want to talk but difficult as don't want to start trouble
Customer: I will need your assistance when will u be back on?
ben0308 :

Around 4PM Pacific Standard Time I can recontact you when I am available if that is OK

Customer: Also we have fooled round in past I know it's bad we fell out before over similar thing when something did happen then got close again and people started interfering
Customer: An in England sorry it's 7 10pm here when would that be?
ben0308 :

It would around midnight or so your time I believe

Customer: That very late if honest could you not chat now briefly?? Or say what u think why he up and down, it's like ge wants to talk and has laugh with me then when alone he says nothing, do u think quickly he really don't like me and wana just take mick or does and upset and waiting for me to say something?
ben0308 :

Not really certain what's going on inside his head. I think from what you describe he is not really sure what he wants right now. I think he does like you other wise he would not talk or have anything to do with you at all. I think at this point you have to decide what you want for yourself. Do you want to stick around and see what happens as I think you do have feelings for him. Again you can try to talk to him openly and honestly and see if he is able to respond with some answers as to why he is acting the way he is. I must now sign off for now. I am sorry due to the time difference it would be difficult to chat later. Thank you

Customer: I think it is a trust thing with him and he is unsure and maybe he wants me to say something else to him, it's only because he stares and sometimes says hi then he kinda backs off again and goes quiet, I flirt a lot with guys but don't mean anything, it's also like when I chat with other guys in canteen he sees then starts acting more full on and loves me to take mick out of me, but daren't email as last time when it blew up he showed my emails to others, and then don't phone me back about work quieries neither, originally before fall out we always chatted alot he told me loads about himself how got money into other business and what he put aside for his young daughter, he does not love his gf but stays cus of daughter house etc, he told me he did trust me again and meant a lot to him after everything, he said about other women who fancied him but he weren't interested and ge always been a player and messed around behind gf back. He always complimented me too then people gossiped and he said be careful which I was and then I suggested via email meet for coffee but as friends and chat then it kicked off him saying am a stalker etc I don't get it at all, please reply when back on and say what u honestly think?? Did ge fancy me?? Did he just like as friends and suggesting coffee scared him?? I don't get it at all he really seemed kinda interested maybe he didn't want people knowing I don't know and now these silly hit and cold games
ben0308 :

Sounds to me like this man has lots of issues to deal with. He has a daughter with a "girlfriend" that he tells you doesn't love or care about but stays because of the house for his daughter. It almost sounds like guy is not ready or may never be ready to make any kind of a committment to anyone. He seems to like his life the way it is: being able to have fun with whoever he wants whenever he wants. If you are OK with this behavior from him that is a decision only you can make. I don't see him settling down with one person anytime soon. Let me know your thoughts.

Customer: I think he just don't love her and stats for daughters sake he said if he ever found right woman he wouldn't do these things but still wrong what he does, and I feel he thinks I hurt him by saying things to people about us but I never said we having affair, as I we are not!! I just wonder why he acts this way to me, is it because he does like me n try's to in way push me away if makes sense or he don't trust me and think an weird?? I want to say look let's chat but my work is very gossipy and ge is so paranoid
ben0308 :

I wish I had better answers for you. Not sure what more I can tell you at this time. As I said in my last reponse, you have to decide what you will accept from him for now and either continue have things be the way they are or move on. I think at this point if you decide to move on, he will either make adecision to take more of an interest in you or he will not. I wish you the best. Thank you. I hope I have been able to be of some help.

Customer: Hi thanks for reply but If honest I wanted ur opinion as a man why a guy would maybe act this way, is it because from everything I told u he does like me but after arguments etc pushes me away or really don't as now I hear he may be leaving applied for another job and if he gets don't wana lose a friend like this?? I feel amount am paying you could you not try and be bit more in depth please thanks
Customer: Sorry not rating yet I feel I need more of an answer for amount paying
ben0308 :

I'm sorry. I have tried to give you as indepth of an answer that I can. I cannot read his mind nor try to understand why he is acting the way he is towards you. As I said earlier, I think he is not sure what he wants right now. DId he tell you he was applying for another job or did you hear this from someone else? Why don't you ask him if he has applied for another job and why? Would be interesting to see what he tells you. I honestly don't know what more I can tell you at this point. If you are looking for more answers then you have the right to have your question relisted. I have done the best I can. Thank you

Customer: Hi hope ur well?? I tried talking to him but he goes quiet and red when I say I feel we drifted apart, he always has people around him though and annoying as other friends say to me stay away from him as Blaime him for fall out and everyone seems against us talking I think why he on and off with me, but now work emails he don't reply too neither I am confused I really need advise I feel I will lose him if he gets job he applied for but can't email him as wary and don't wana seem weird, after everything that happened I don't want him leaving on these terms, maybe it's me thinking likes me
ben0308 :

Sorry he would not really engage in a conversation with you. Don't know what more I can say to help you. I hope you feel I have helped you some and you will at least give me some compensation for my efforts. I am sorry that things are not working out with him as you like them to. Sometimes no matter what we do or how much we try, we can only do so much. The rest is up to the other person. Again, thank you. I wish you the best.

Customer: W
ben0308, Social Worker
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 41
Experience: Over 30 years of experience in working with relationship issues
ben0308 and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Ok me again yesterday was kinda breakthrough it was announced he leaving in 3 weeks as got a job else where in the business, shocked me so went down to see him, he seemed shy but then relaxed and happy went down, said don't hold grudges and was so sorry n hoped I would go to his leaving do night out n winked. I said I'll miss him lots too I feel so much better but same time devastated he going
Expert:  ben0308 replied 1 year ago.

Hi,

Glad to hear the update and that your conversation with him went so well. I can imagine that you are feeling sad about his leaving. Perhaps you will be able to remain in contact with him if possible. Thanks for letting me know and keeping me in the loop. Again, I wish you the best.

Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Does this suggest he always liked me as asking how I was n said missed our talks n hoped we will always stay in touch n really looking into my eyes
Expert:  ben0308 replied 1 year ago.
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Customer: replied 1 year ago.
You mean could be just being friendly as leaving and don't wana leave bad terms plus am applying for his job and I emailed him and ge never replied I know he prob busy but used too, why talk to me though as he said don't hold grudge as if he didn't would not talk to me at all, even work related ignores strange, maybe excuse for me to go down and see him do you think??

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