Hello- Thank you for asking the question. I have over 30 years of experience working with individuals, couples and families & am happy to reply.
I am sorry to hear about this.
From what you have written- and the length of time that you have been together- it is clearly time that you set some firm limits of expectations of what you want for yourself.
I see nothing in what you have written that suggests he is ready to commit and therefore- you are in a holding pattern. If , in your gut you sense that he is not ready-- trust this feeling and do not hesitate to communicate your wants desires and aspirations for the relationship.
If he is not ready - this will be a loss and grieving process for you but you have every right to have your needs met and with 35 years of working with couples- I don't have a sense that he is doing anything to further the relationship than that which you already see.
If you have additional questions for me, feel free to ask-
I suggest that you read the following and use it as a guide to help you.