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jadt65, Multisystemic Therapy
Category: Relationship
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Experience:  Provided relationship counseling for more than 20 years for people in every stage of life.
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I am a 56 yo single white male. I always been self employed

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I am a 56 yo single white male. I always been self employed and more of a loner than a social butterfly. I am very happy with my life the way it is. During my life I had several long term relationships with females. Most ended amoriously because people do change and sometimes each has differant goals. My last relationship was the best for both me and my female girlfriend lasting 8 years. Unfortunately, she past away from lympathic and breast cancer. It's been over 2 years since I went out. I feel she is in heaven. I feel I would be cheating. I have other girlfriends that are in the back of my mind, but my last girlfriend is in my heart and I would not be comfortable or honest if I started to consider a new relations ship. I am not looking, but if some female is interested in me, I may explore that possibility. You could say love and compatibility found me all through my lifetime. I kind of understand widow or widower mentality, but because I was not married, I do not put myself or say I am a widower. In my opinion, On those online dating websites I see females that either been divorced, or had bad break ups or have never had a wonderful relationship. They are looking for that wonderful relationship that they never had....like I had. Also, In my opinion, Many widows that had a great marriage don't want to date because they still feel devoted. Widows that did not have a good marriage tend to 'make up for lost time and desires" and dont care about the guy she snags. So, what am I suppose to do? I am happy the way I am, I feel I would be cheating on my girlfriend that died and if I did meet her in heaven, I hope and pray she will still think and want me and love me. I hope i gave you a good perspective of my personality.
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  jadt65 replied 1 year ago.

Hi,

Thanks for giving all the details.

I am so very sorry for the loss of your girlfriend. It sounds like she is a soul mate to you. Even though the two of you were not married, the grieving process is the same for both. It sounds as if the two of you shared a stronger relationship than some couples that are legally married. Based on what you have written, it sounds like you the two of you had a marriage of the heart.

It does not sound like you are in a place for a romantic relationship since you seem to already have had that "great love of a life time." It sounds like you are looking for more of a companion than a romantic partner. I suggest that indicate on your dating profile that you are looking for someone for friendship rather than romance. This will help keep those women who are looking for something more from responding. It seems like responding to those women who are looking for more than you want might be taking a toll on you.

Your honesty is admirable and rare. If there is someone out there who is the "right fit" those qualities are what will help you find each other.

I hope I have answered your question. If so, please accept my answer and rate my service. If not, please let me know what you need for me to clarify.

Best,

Julie

Customer: replied 1 year ago.

Thank you . Let me share with you a story and then when you respond I will mark this finished and leave tip. Sometime in the 6th year of our relationship, I was feeling I was not doing enough for her or she was getting bored with me. I was so scared I was about to lose her. I had to do something so she would not leave. I bought a gold and diamond heart and gold chain from a major jewerly store ...about 600.00. I did not want something cheap or chincy. she lived in NYC and the train ride to me is 3 hours one way. One morning when she just got off the train, I said I had something for her. I gave her the box and she opened it. I told her what I was feeling and I needed to do something (this was not the first time i felt she was through with me). She was shocked and surprised and asked why I did this and all that stuff....and she said " I never though of leaving you, why would you ever think that?" She must of though I lost my mind. I am sure she knew I would never had cheated. She was Hindu I am christian, both with family values but because of distance and work, living together either in the city or in the country would been strain on work and money. Someone would suffer big time. So we kept it this way. Everytime I bring this story up, I tear up. Thank You. I disabled my account for the holidays, I will think about enabling it again and change to campanion. This is tuff. Lets see what happens. If you care to comment please do. thanks.

Expert:  jadt65 replied 1 year ago.

Hi,

Thank you for sharing that beautiful story. It seems like you must have some wonderful memories. Use them to remember and take comfort in the fact that the two of you shared a relationship that few people have the opportunity to experience in their lives.

Physical distance can always make people feel a bit insecure in their relationships, so do not be hard on yourself about that.

Take some time to heal. The grief process takes longer than a couple of years for some people, especially when the relationship is as deep and fulfilling as the one it seems as if you had with your girlfriend. Even if you find someone who seems appealing through these dating sites, take it slow and easy.

Best,

Julie

jadt65, Multisystemic Therapy
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 119
Experience: Provided relationship counseling for more than 20 years for people in every stage of life.
jadt65 and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Expert:  jadt65 replied 1 year ago.

Thank you. Please let me know how things work out for you or if you have any further questions.

Best,

Julie

Customer: replied 1 year ago.

Will do. I have not repopulated the description sections on my ourtime.com page. I may still do it soon. I think I would get those "rebound attitude" women because it's a new year or near valentines day and they had enough of being strung along. The older you get,the more nut cases , Kling-Ons, money-poor women that need someone to support them come out. I may need to come to you to see how to rewrite my description. Do you do that?

Expert:  jadt65 replied 1 year ago.
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