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psychlady
psychlady, Counselor
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We have been married for 40 years. Our sex life has never been

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We have been married for 40 years. Our sex life has never been great although it was best in the beginning of our relationship and we did manage to produce 2 boys - 4 years a part. Since I remember the day they were each conceived, it is apparent that our sex life was lacking any regularity!

My husband has been ill and for many years we have had no sex whatsoever. Since this was just fine with me, for I became less and less interested in time and to be honest never really enjoyed sex.

About ten years ago, he actually left me when he wanted me to explore other options for me to be satisfied - he thought I was a lesbian - it is a long complicated story. We got back together within 6 months of his leaving.

His health has improved dramatically and he is now easily aroused. He never mentioned any of this to me but I walked in on him watching pornography on his smartphone. I have been very upset but he insists that it has nothing to do with me.

Other than sex, we have a comfortable relationship and both want to continue to be married. But on some days, his watching porn just drives me crazy for I feel it has everything to do with the lack of intimacy in our marriage and I am afraid it will lead to an porn addiction or an affair.
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  psychlady replied 1 year ago.
The use of porn doesn't mean that it will lead to an affair. However the issue of an addiction really states that he has difficulty stopping this behavior and it is causing detrimental results. There are men who would say that a porn habit is not about a relationship lacking and that it is a self absorbed way of addressing sexual urges. Most partners find it most difficult because they compares themselves to these images when the partner is not making these comparisons. This is an issue that has to be addressed by both of you as any addiction would need to be. To resolve it both of you have to be equipped to take this on. He has to want to stop! Until then he will find ways to satisfy that urge. This can be addressed with a professional to see what the payoff is. Where there is a payoff there is this addiction. He can handle this with help and attention. For now find out what the payoff is to this habit.
psychlady, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 6887
Experience: I have over 16 years experience in treating adults presenting with a variety of relationship issues
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psychlady
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I have over 16 years experience in treating adults presenting with a variety of relationship issues