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Dr. Tom
Dr. Tom, Tom Smith, Ph.D.
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 23
Experience:  Dr. Smith has been offering counseling for over 37 years.
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To start off with you have to know a little history. My ex-wife has pl

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To start off with you have to know a little history. My ex-wife has played games all through our divorce, and even after our divorce by calling my girlfriend's employer and of course blocking her number where it can't be traced back to her, and never giving her name. You can block a number by dialing *67 before placing the call. My ex has harrassed her, but not brave enough to do it openly. Now, fast forward to the question at hand. I noticed my credit score declining because my ex will not pay the house payment on time, yet she wanted the house. Both of our names are XXXXX XXXXX mortgage, and she has a set time to refinance it and get my name off of it. I told my girlfriend I was going to talk to a lawyer to see what options I had with her continually being late on the house payments. My girlfriend got pissed and threw a fit. She said I was only thinking of myself, and not her and her autistic son! I said...I have to be able to take care of myself to be able to take care of you and your son or anyone else. Sherry (my girlfriend) went to nursing school, but couldn't handle the dying aspect of it, so she went into education. I told her the first thing you should have learned in nursing was that you have to take care of yourself in order to be able to care for anyone else. You are no good to anyone dead. I wait until my ex-wife takes my credit score down to zero and then think...hmmm...what should I do? No, if I did that the tune she would be singing is I should have been more proactive. I understand her fear of my ex calling her school, I truly do. But all I was intending on doing was seeing what if any options I might have. She seems to think I threw her and her son under the bus. Again, do I wait until there is no saving it to decide to be proactive? How do I get her to see what should be common sense? Or is it me that is missing something?
You have a good head on your shoulders. Yes, you should see a lawyer because you have a legal /financial problem. And you are correct in thinking that you must look out for your own best interest before you can be there for others. I do not understand what is upsetting about this to your current woman friend. You are not missing anything. Do what you think is right.
Customer: replied 3 years ago.

Dr. Tom,


I think what is worrying my girlfriend, is that everytime I have rattled my ex's cage so to speak, there has been retribution. My ex wife is very vendictive. My girlfriend is a teacher and the mother of an autistic child. Several phone calls have been made to my girlfriend's school (place of employment) and the caller will not identify themselves and they block their number by dialing *67 in front of the number being dialed. I think Sherry (girlfriend) was afraid that if I have a strongly worded letter sent to my ex wife concerning being late on the mortgage that yet another phone call would be made to the school. She probably also wonders how many phone calls before the administration decides it just really isn't worth this headache any longer and does not renew her contract. I did see a lawyer, and basically...just being a few days late...up to 30 but no later, never 60 never 90, then she is not in contempt. Nothing can be done at this point! So if she were to get a strongly worded letter, she would probably ask her lawyer "What's This"? To which he would reply..."You're not in contempt" Well why am I getting this? Because you're making him uncomfortable. Oh? Well let me be late every month then! So right is best to let sleeping dogs sleep! Until she becomes at least 90 days late.

I understand. I think you have to go with the advice of a lawyer because this involves the legal arrangement you have with your ex-wife. You might also want to inquire regarding the harassment. You also might want to consider making the house payment until the refinancing comes through if you have a firm date and can handle the burden ... ask the lawyer about your ability to accelerate the refinancing.
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I am glad that I have been of assistance in seeking some resolution to your issue. I hope things get back on track soon. If I can help answer other questions you might have in the future, do not hesitate to make an inquiry using my name in your appellation. All the best. Dr. Tom
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